Compatability in the bedroom?

[pai]

I have recently met a much younger guy and I'm interested in a relationship with him. We get along amazingly well, and I can see it working. I am almost 28, and he is 18, however I didnt know he was 18 until it came up (like 6 months after we met) and he admitted to it. He has his act together, is a gentleman, and overall has the maturity of someone my age. Old soul indeed!

The problem I am running into in my head, is our differences in the bedroom. Or should I say, similarities. We are both extremely submissive, and like being controlled and dominated. Neither of us have the personality to switch and dominate the other, so sex so far has been rather halting and akward, and unsatisfying. I wont lie, its not terrible. the cuddling is wonderful, something no one else has every bothered spenting time on, and the lots of time groping and kissing is great too, but sex itself is just not exciting to me when Im not being roughed up and dominated.

My question is, in a relationship setting, can this last? Or are we doomed from the start? I'll emphasize again that outside of sex, we get along great, I can see him being one of my best friends in the long term, if we don't run the relationship route

Thoughts?

[dancingdoc2]

I won't say you are doomed from the start; however, the likelihood of having a long term relationship is against you. He may be an "old soul", mature beyond his years, and, polite; yet the boy has not yet lived a sufficient time for him to have life experiences and the day-to-day maturity that your relationship will require from him. Shucks, the frontal cortex his brain won't be fully developed for another three years! This means his decision making and ability to determine the consequences of his decisions and actions won't be "turned on" and active yet.

That you did not know he was 18 is one thing, that you could not detect that he is a teenager speaks to your powers of observation.

I recommend that you read the following article, written for people who are contemplating moving in and living together--not that this pertains to you at the moment. What is important for you to read and think about and take from the article are all the factors that he is probably oblivious to right now.

I think we are ready to live together!!

Add to all of this the factor not so much of "maturity" but of "development". The teen years are a decade long process of change and transmutation. We do not become all grown up just because we can now make babies and enjoy orgasms. We do not become an adult just because we have passed some legal benchmark on the calendar and state law books. Your friend has a lot of growing up to do that is part of the process we all must go thru and experience. One such phase is that of sewing his wild oats and being "fancy free" so to speak by experiencing life on his own. This phase usually occurs after leaving home and before really settling down with a job or career, the required education, and working toward the goals he has made. Do not be too surprised that sometime during the next couple of years he wants to date others. This is part of the process of maturing, no matter how compatible the two of you are.

Unless and until you want, need, and, desire sex not so much for sex sake, but as the outward expression of the love the two of you share, then neither of you is likely to want to "make love" in all of its many variations and manifestations.

I concur with your last statement: friends? Yes. Lovers? Probably not? FWB? only if you expand your collective minds and repertoire. So, be friends, if it suits the two of you, but allow him the necessary time to complete his development. If in six years he is still lookin' good and he has a continuing interest in you, then make the relationship happen if it is going to.

[pai]

Thank you. As usual, you bring up some very good points

Can others answer with their thoughts on it as well?

[ravishing]

Have you talked to eachother about taking turns dominating or are you just saying it hasn't happened naturally?

[RedRoses]

Well, I do not see a problem in a relationship with a younger person. It's really the person that counts, not the age. People can be older or younger than their age may suggest. What counts is that the relationship is on both's consent. And as you describe him as an 'old soul' and consider him just as mature as yourself, that seems ok

As for sexual preferences that's something in which age does not matter. Just for the record: have you tried to enjoy this lovemaking? Are you open to a new perspective? Not trying to be offensive, just asking Perhaps it's something you could enjoy if you'd go with the flow? I remember a thread of yours about reprogramming the brain. Although the subject was different, maybe it could apply here as well(?) And maybe: it would also apply at taking the dominant role for you and/or him Or: vary perspective? And whether the relationship is possibly successful to you both, would also depend on how important this is to you both in the relationship.

These are simply my thoughts and I hope they will help you!

[pai]

Originally Posted by ravishing

Have you talked to eachother about taking turns dominating or are you just saying it hasn't happened naturally?

We have talked about it, and neither of us have the desire or personality to be dominant in bed, even though we both want to be dominated. I have not asked if this is a dealbreaker for him, but I know its disappointing (to him) that I can't or won't do some things to him that he wants. I haven't decided yet if I'm disappointed that he can't do the same to me, or if I like him enough that it doesn't matter.

Originally Posted by RedRoses

Well, I do not see a problem in a relationship with a younger person. It's really the person that counts, not the age. People can be older or younger than their age may suggest. What counts is that the relationship is on both's consent. And as you describe him as an 'old soul' and consider him just as mature as yourself, that seems ok

As for sexual preferences that's something in which age does not matter. Just for the record: have you tried to enjoy this lovemaking? Are you open to a new perspective? Not trying to be offensive, just asking Perhaps it's something you could enjoy if you'd go with the flow? I remember a thread of yours about reprogramming the brain. Although the subject was different, maybe it could apply here as well(?) And maybe: it would also apply at taking the dominant role for you and/or him Or: vary perspective? And whether the relationship is possibly successful to you both, would also depend on how important this is to you both in the relationship.

These are simply my thoughts and I hope they will help you!

Thank you. I think I'm old enough and tired of drama enough that I would be content with him as he is, but he is young, and that would stifle him. If its his "thing" he should do it, and he should find some cute dominatrix girl to do what he likes. As much as I dig him, if I'm just not the right person for him, I (realistically) need to step aside

Ho hum. Decisions

[RedRoses]

Dear Pai, I sure do hope it works out for both of you! Funny how you added perspectives; in the startpost of this thread I read you were the one not feeling pleased, reading your last answer; it seems to be not his thing as well. That certainly makes things more complicated... Yet: I wouldn't call it impossible. After all, there's more to you two than sex. And your posts suggests you're happy with his other qualities. Difficult... Perhaps talk to him for a bit to find out how this all feels to him? You certainly have my respect, considering your realistic approach!

Please let us know how things turned out No matter how this goes, I shall wish you love.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You two are sexually incompatible and the sex will remain unsatisfying. Yes, there's is more to a relationship than sex but without satisfying sex - life becomes very bleak indeed. Which begs the question: WHY are you still with him?

My guess would be for security in an uncertain and perhaps hostile world, which means you both are running away from life rather than seeking to embrace life.

Were you thinking of marriage and children with this man?

[Gibson52]

Maybe his being a good partner for you, means he is uncomfortable wanting to dominate you since he is younger and has much patience. As you 2 blossom in your relationship one of you will assume the dominate or lead position in sex. But...isn't sex still about pleasing a woman first...if you both agree smile when you suggest new ideas/desires, as your politely remind him a good man for me wants to please me and I in return. See if he accepts the challenge with the same patience he seems to have for you while he's not clear on your thoughts.
You know a lot of older guys might try to run your life...he is giving you space for you both to grow.
I think you have a good chance of being together since you get along well. That would be a first priority, and you would agree over just being sexuall satisfying to each other with no other common ground.
From a guys perspective I would be glad to share some other turn on ideas, you might try to stimulate him to taking action on being more dominant after reminding him he's suppose to open doors for ladies, and be there for "you" by accepting the challenge of being a take charge sexual partner when it's his turn.
Does this seem fair?

[pai]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Which begs the question: WHY are you still with him?

Were you thinking of marriage and children with this man?

Im not with him at all. I said THINKING of dating this guy. We are not even "official" much less talking marriages and kids, are you nuts? lol