Going to a dance (Slow dancing 101)

[fefebob]

Okay, to start off i really couldn't find another place to put this thread in so i put it here since im 16. Okay, I am going to be going to a dance with a girl soon but have no clue how to slow dance, and i REALLY dislike dancing at all but im willing to do it to be with her. any guidelines anyone can give me on how to dance?

[Brandye]

There are few psychomotor skills that can be learned online. Time to ask your mother, aunt, older sister or some such for a crash course.

[dancingdoc2]

PART 1 of 2.


> I am going to be going to a dance with a girl soon but have no clue how to slow dance, and i REALLY dislike dancing at all but im willing to do it to be with her. any guidelines anyone can give me on how to dance?

You betcha! I'm going to take Brandye's lead and take you a few more steps toward that dance. I am and avid dancer, plus a Ballroom dance instructor. First, a question or two:

Q#1: Why do you dislike dancing?
More often than not, it is not that a guy actually dislikes dancing, what they fear is in making a fool of themselves on the dance floor because of a lack of knowledge or training. Another reason with young boys is a fear of perceived intimacy by being up close and personal with a girl. Is one or both of these circumstance your situation or is there another reason for not liking dancing?

Dancing is now considered an official sport and has been recognized by the IOC {International Olympic Committee). So, as a sport and as a fun activity, I challenge you to take a few lessons and to then decide whether or not dancing is really not your thing, or, that it can be a fun activity to participate in whether it be regularly, frequently, or simply once in a while.

Every person should learn a little bit because in the future you will likely be going to more proms, h/s graduation; going off to college and socializing with dancing as part of the activities; vacation cruises, weddings, etc., et cetera, etc.

As both a sport (DanceSport) and a social activity (much like any other couples sporting activities, albeit done closer together than say table tennis), the notion of dancing being somehow sexual or romantic (which it can be) is mostly removed in a social setting.

When my wife asked me if I would like to learn to dance, I thought because she was taking lessons in college that I'd know all there is to know in a semester and we could go dancing, and I would take her home afterward, and it would be a prelude to whatever happened (romantically) later. WRONG! Of course this can and does happen, although, what I want to point out to you is that social dancing is just that--a social activity, that while possibly flirtatious, is not necessarily romantic or sexual. It is a "team sport" done in partnership with another individual unless you choose otherwise. What I soon found out was that dancing has several skill levels and accomplishments and that as long as a person wants to learn more, there is always more to learn.

I'm here to tell you that after taking a few lessons and wanting to do something with my wife that we both enjoyed, I soon embraced the activity hook, line, and, sinker. I studied to become a teacher much later, have taught others of all ages from 10 y/o on up to retired people. You will no doubt discover in a couple of years when you go off to college that dancing is a very popular activity. We go dancing two-three times a week, most weeks, and there are a few h/s kids there as well as a lot of students from various area colleges and universities, as well as just people from all walks of life and age groups co-mingling on the dance floor!

In the U.S. people regularly practice either "American Social" or "International" style. Choreographed International style is what you see performed on the "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Dancing With The Stars" television shows. American style is much less structured and more relaxed. The term "Ballroom" is an umbrella term that encompasses a lot of different types of dances. When a person is asked what Ballroom dancing is the typical response is: "Waltz". In actuality it is so much more and this is why I refer to it as an umbrella. Under that large umbrella are several smaller ones in these categories: Swing dancing, Argentine Tango, Salsa, Latin

There are many types of Swing dancing from the very common "East Coast" and "West Coast" styles to half a dozen others. Ballroom dancing includes but is not limited to: Waltz, Foxtrot, Cha-Cha, Mambo, Rumba, Bolero, Tango, Nightclub Two-Step, Merengue, Samba. So, there are a whole lot of dances that can be done during an evening of dancing--including slow dancing!

BASIC UNDERSTANDING--
Dancing is as old as the hills. There have always been tribal dances, folk dancing for various world cultures, so people have been dancing for eons. You may discover that this is not your cup of tea and that is fine. Personally, I'm not into contact sports; however, I urge you to give dancing a try; ya just never know what may come out of it.

Girls love to dance and if there is no man immediately available you will frequently find two girls dancing together. So, I ask you, why not step up and give both a turn around the floor? As a relatively new dance student, I remember asking several women what it was that compelled them to go dancing. It took awhile before I was given a satisfactory answer, which was: "Because it feels OH so good!" Thought I: "It does??" For me at the time, dancing was enjoyable, but because I was in the learning mode, it didn't yet feel "oh so good". It was challenging, had a technical aspect that I liked, but for awhile it was a conscious activity and it took some doing before all this became subconscious and my mind was freed up to fully enjoy the feelings and the human interaction.

Part 2 follows--

[dancingdoc2]

STEP #1--

* Ask a girl for a dance and if she accepts, escort her to the dance floor.

CAUTION: Girls, if you would like to dance with a particular fellow, just not at this particular time,
please say so. If you are tired, otherwise occupied, or whatever, and this is not the right time,
inform him and tell him you would like to dance later, or the next one, or the first Swing, etc.

DO NOT say "no", unless you absolutely mean that you do not want to dance with this person, period.
Guys are very literal and if you say "no", they will take this to mean "no, not ever". So, please tell him
that you would like to dance later if this is your wish. This is an important bit of etiquette and manners
often not understood.

* Square off with each other (shoulders parallel) facing each other yet not toe-to-toe. You should stand slightly to the left of her so that your left foot steps outside of her and your right foot in between her two feet. (Position her right shoulder with the mid line of your body. Do this by moving yourself, not necessarily her.)
* Wrap your arms around her waist, as she should also do to you. Alternately, the two of you can wrap your arms around each other's neck.
* Dance with your knees unlocked. Do not dance stiff-legged.
* Your body language should be relaxed and flexible, not stiff or rigid. If you want to sway side-to-side, you can, but do so very gently; no sharp or wild gyrations!

With the exception of Waltz, all other dances and their associated patterns are essentially comprised of multiples of two or four beats of music. If you are familiar with sheet music, think of there being four notes on the horizontal lines between any two vertical bars. There is a major down beat as the first note of a measure of music, followed by a less intense up beat, followed by another downbeat and an up beat. 1..2..3..4. Another way of thinking about this is to say to yourself: BOOM, tick; Boom, tick, in rhythm to the music. The second downbeat is more intense than the two upbeats, yet less strong than the initial downbeat.

Each dance has a "Leader" {usually the man) and a "Follower" {usually the woman). Men begin dancing with their left foot; women begin on their right. This means that each person starts with their weight on the other foot in order to shift weight to either the left or right on count 1.

Initially, my suggestion is to stand with your feet slightly apart and to shift your weight on count 1. Pause for count 2, then shift back to the right foot on count 3, pausing for count 4. Repeat. She will do the same thing only on the opposite feet.

A more stylish variation of this movement is this:

* Shift to the left foot on count 1
* Move your right foot to the left and "touch" alongside the left for count 2
* Move the right foot slightly to the right on count 3 and shift your weight onto it
* Move your left foot to the right and touch alongside the right foot for count 4.
(Think: "left touch, right touch"--repeat) The "touch" is using the ball of the foot, not stepping flat-footed.

If you would like to up the ante' so to speak, you can move about a circle. Think of standing on the face of a sundial. Your partner is on the center hub while you are on the edge where the numbers are. What you have been doing from your perspective is to begin at at the center, shift your weight toward 9:00 and then back toward 3:00. To begin revolving, take a cut toward 10:00. After you do, the clock face will turn so that you will again be at center and 9:00 to the left until you take another cut toward 10:00 and so on and on.

LEADING--

With your arms around each other, the easiest way to "lead" her is to stretch your right ribcage just before and as you take a step onto your left foot. Doing this will slightly tilt your upper torso and will put her in sync. with you. As you step back to your right foot, just relax and level your shoulders. Repeat.

RHYTHMS--

With the possible exception of Waltz, all dances are comprised of what we refer to as "Slows" and "Quicks". Regardless of the speed of the music, a Slow is defined as one change of weight for each two beats of music. This is what you would be doing, above: S, S, S, S; or by the numbers: 1, 2...3, 4.

With Quicks, we change weight on each beat of music: 1, 2, 3, 4; or Q, Q, Q, Q.

A very popular rhythm combination used in Swing and Foxtrot is this: S...S, Q, Q; or 1, 2...3, 4...5, 6. To do this, begin by shifting your weight to your left foot on count 1, pause and hold count 2; shift to your right foot for count 3, hold count 4, then rock back and forth (eg. left right) for 5 and 6. {No pause)

SIMPLE TURNS--

To lead a very simple turn for your partner: remove your hands from each other's waist and slide down her arms until you are holding hands.

Just before count 1, raise your left hand holding hers just high enough to clear her hairdo. Please do not grip her hand as she turns. Slightly cup your hand and let her fingers slide against your palm and fingers. Definitely DO NOT crank her around the turn! Your dance is a partnership; you lead by indicating what you would like your partner to do and when, then let her execute that pattern.

MORE, MUCH MORE--

The above information with some practicing before hand with your date, or alternately your mother or sister or neighbor will help get you started and feeling less nervous. I tell each of my students that when they attend a dance, go to "practice", not "dance". If you go practice, it means you are free to make mistakes; whereas, a lot of insecure men will think that they cannot "dance", or don't know enough", therefore why even try.

There is much more to leading and following than what has been presented, above. There are a lot of different dances that can be learned and practiced. If you find you have any interest at all, check with your local Parks and Recreation Department or Community Services District. Most offer all sorts of inexpensive classes, including classes in Swing, Ballroom, Square, Round, Folk, Country/Western, and, Ballet {for children and for adults). If you live in a larger city, check the phone book for dance studios. I recommend independent studios, however, many cities also have one or both of the national chains: Arthur Murray, and, Fred Astaire.

LASTLY--

It is not at all unusual for a person new to dancing to attend a dance and become intimidated by what seems like a lot of experienced people doing all sorts of fancy stuff. Please do not fall into this trap. Of course there are going to be people more experienced, who know more, just as there will be people coming in the door behind you who know less than you! In the overall scheme of things it doesn't matter. Go to a dance to have fun. Go to a dance for the practice. Go to a dance for the challenge. Go to a dance to meet people.

There is nobody more in demand at a dance than a man who loves dancing and who can lead well. Do not be concerned about not knowing enough dances or enough dance patterns. What matters is that you be personable, likable, and who can lead what you know so you do not leave your partner confused about what it is she is supposed to do. If you want to "get the women", one very good place to start is by learning to dance and being available at the dances. Said another way, if you want to be on a higher rung on the "social ladder", learn to dance, learn to lead well, and be a great good natured partner, and people will seek you out.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

[fefebob]

Thank you so much dancing doc, much appreachiated.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by breacliff

yeah well you can consult to a dance instructor ...good luck

By reading this thread, they have.

I am a certificated instructor in both the Arthur Murray and Fred Astaire syllabuses for starters.

Your suggestion is valid--if readers want to pay to take lessons. The information, above, will get students dancing at a school event--and, the information is free!

I made your suggestion in Pt. 2 of the article under the heading: More, Much More--. Did you read the entire article?

-doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

WHY do most men dislike dancing?

[dancingdoc2]

* Shyness
* Lack of self confidence
* Intimidation
* Embarrassment (like accidentally brushing against your partner!)
* Fear of looking like a klutz
* Too time consuming and difficult--
* Lack of patience
* Not understanding the benefits of dancing
* Unwillingness to cut loose and show emotion
* Frustration (It requires more time for men to learn than women,
only because there is more to assimilate, not because it is more difficult.)

Those are my top 10 reasons.

+ The notion that only Gay guys dance
(and by extrapolation, "if I dance, I'll become Gay"--
or, at least appear to be!)
+ Fear of self expression--
+ Fear their Macho image will be bruised while fumbling with the lessons


Bottom Line:

1. Not understanding the social benefits and/or relationship benefits**
2. Fear of bruising their perceived Macho image while appearing to be ungainly during the learning process

** In addition to the following, it has often been quipped that "dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire." Guys: HELLO!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dancing is the fastest way to get a girl alone and into your arms in public.

Guys, need I say more?

[weasel]

go and talk to your friendly neighborhood drama club, the girls there will be more than happy to teach you some basics. that or find the dance theacher and ask them for a student who can help you.