online dating question

[aili8447]

I was talking to a gentleman online for roughly a week who was always telling me how beautiful I was, etc, etc. He sent an email to me a couple days ago that went like this: "I bet you look beautiful after a night of making love with your hair messed, your makeup smeared, lips flushed, the freshly f**ked look mmmmmm." I was shocked that he would send this to me. His previous emails were never like this. I don't like being talked to this way, never have. I like naughty talk but nothing vulgar like that. After we talked about it he felt he did nothing wrong and I tried to explain that I felt it was totally disrespectful to me as a woman to talk to me like that. I have never dated any man that has talked to me like that before. I thought about it and decided that I didn't want to be with someone that would talk to me like that. I just got the feeling to stay away from him. I don't want to come across as a prude but I just got a bad vibe from him after he sent it. Now I'm afraid I might have over-reacted to it. What do you guys think?

[sensualGoddess]

You have every right to over react...

In today's culture we are in a relatively more dangerous world than ever. The internet for sexual purposes can distort the way we view sexuality, to the point of desensitizing it quite a bit.

However, it sounds like a fantasy to ravished in that sort of way....I'll tel you this, it's better than hearing some more vile stuff, and this vile stuff can incorporate violence.

HEADS UP!!
SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS UNWANTED SEXUAL ADVANCES AND YES YES YES THIS INCLUDE SEXUAL ADVANCES OVER THE INTERNET. IF YOU CANNOT RESPECT THAT, HOP OFF THE INTERNET, AND HAUL YOUR PERV BUTT TO JAIL. Do not pass go...$200 for those who were sexually offended

If only this were real life...but seriously?

If it offends you, stop talking to the person, if he continues to pursue anymore contact with you, you could in theory find ways to make sure that guy leaves you alone permanently.
Furthermore, a woman's intuition never lies.

[nuttychick]

So have you previously "naughty talked" with him?

[Brandye]

"..... online for roughly a week." Sexist jerk! I hope he has:

1. only your email address.
2. no phone numder.
3. no physical address.
4. only sketchy photos.

And, I hope that you were using an expendible email address which you can simply abandon. He is a jerk but you took too much risk until gaining a better understanding of him. My guess is that he has done similar to many other women. Maybe he was successful once and continues; maybe he just gets jollies as a shock-jock. He was clearly not setting the groundwork for a longer term relationship. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine a woman reacting favorably to that crap.

But, then, I do not understand the ettiquette of online dating. Mainly because I do not want to risk what you have.

[aili8447]

Thanks for everyone's replies. I just wanted confirmation that I did the right thing. I just kept imagining if only after a week of talking to me he'd say that what in the world would he say or do further on? It gave me big red stop signs in my head of NO, NO, NO! I didn't share any personal info with him so he has no way of communicating with me as I met him through a dating website and we only communicated through there. I didn't do any naughty talk with him. I only do that with guys I'm seriously dating. When I told him that I was no longer interested in talking further with him because of what he said he told me that I wasn't very open sexually. That's what gave me doubts.

Just so everyone knows, I'm very careful when dating online and always meet in a public place and continue doing so until I feel comfortable and my older brother always knows where I am meeting someone and I call him when I am leaving the restaurant. I always meet them during the day for lunch never at night. I try to be very careful.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You did not over-react.

This man was not seriously interested in dating with a view toward a deep lasting relationship. What he wanted was "just sex".

I suggest you include these words in your profile: "Only those seriously interested in forming deep and lasting relationships need apply." And then stick your guns.

BTW - this has nothing to do with "being open sexually". If he had spoken that way to me after only a week of emailing, and there are few as sexually aware and open as myself, I'd have responded "And now you will never know. Goodbye."

Just because you're online doesn't make having good manners obsolete.

[aili8447]

Thanks EEK. I was wondering how someone as open as you are would have taken it. I too immediately thought he wasn't interested in a relationship as soon as I read his email. That's a great suggestion and I will definitely add that to my profile. Thanks!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

You're welcome.

Also, a word of warning, do not do endless emailing. You learn nothing from email, chat, or over the telephone. Only in person can you really tell. One lunch meeting should be enough time to decide yea or nay. Set them up at your convenience and make a decision then and there.

Because either the chemistry's there or it isn't.

[aili8447]

Just wanted to let everyone know that no sooner had I told that guy I didn't want to talk to him anymore that I met someone else online. He's wonderful! He totally respects women, opens my car door for me even if I drive! We have tons in common and he makes me feel like a protected jewel! I'm so happy!!

[Brandye]

That moved pretty quickly from online contact to in-person dating. You are really running unnecessary risk after a close call.