Tears During Basic Intimacy

[sensualGoddess]

I don't know why I do this. I'm trying to figure out why I do this.

We've been together for roughly 5 months, but known each other a lot longer than that. This man has been one of my closest friends and is now my bf.

How we ended up dating is pretty...magical. This is the best way I can recall the feeling.

But whenever I am caught up in our intimate moments...I can't help but sob sometimes. It just happens. One moment, I'm with him...with him physically and intimately, the next thing is if I do lose myself to intimacy, I'll start crying.

I know he'd never hurt me and I'm not afraid of him.

However, it's something that I feel shouldn't happen, especially if just being with this man is the best feeling I could ever have.

So, what's wrong with me?

[dancingdoc2]

> if I do lose myself to intimacy, I'll start crying.

Are these--
* tears of joy
* happy tears
* tears of dread or doom
* other

Knowing what emotions you have attached with the tears will help us understand what is going on in your head, possibly helping us help you.

-doc

[sensualGoddess]

Well, the thing is...I'm not too sure what it is. I'm happy with him, that's one thing...I always have been.

Don't get me wrong, the first time we had any intimate relations before we started dating I shed a couple of tears, but I wasn't sobbing...in fact, we were just coming out of a sensual massage session and we were just in each other's arms, and the feeling that I felt was warmth, and it was something that overwhelmed me a bit..but this was before we started dating...it took us 9 days (3 years and 9 days to be exact) for me to be finally able to commit.

There are times that I do shed a few tears, but that's because I know I'm lucky that I have him in my life (I tend to be an emotional basket case anyways)

I spent a weekend with him and we were basically intimate throughout the whole day and part of the night.

At least 3 times for no reason when we are intensely involved, I start sobbing. The third time when this happened I was hyperventilating a bit before I broke down completely...that might have been a panic attack which occurred while we were heavily dry humping, but we had to slow down because of it. He always holds me during these episodes that I have. It just happens.

I am happy with him...when we're intimate, there is a part of me that loves him so much, but then I think this scares me at the same time...

[RedRoses]

Dear Goddess, I can not tell you why you are crying. I can share some of my experiences with you, though. Perhaps, you will recognize things you're feeling/experiencing. Or perhaps you could rule out things

I do not cry, but I've trembled heavily during intimacy for a very long time. Every time in the first 6 months, becoming less and less over the next 6 months. My eyes were stinging sometimes with tears. And I do not mean just a little shiver, but really shaking from the top of my head to the tip of my toes uncontrolably. I recognize the feeling of warmth you're describing. Feeling overwhelmed by the love it resonates. The feeling of happiness. And not actually fearing him, but perhaps feeling scared in a way. Perhaps the fear of loosing control? A very confusing feeling that resulted in this reaction of my body. I've felt like there was something wrong with me and even been feeling a bit mad that I couldn't make it stop. But I just had to let it go, just let it happen. My bf did the same as yours, simply hold me. And telling me it was all ok Has he told you that? I interpret from your story he did, verbally or not. Than there's no problem at all! Whatever the cause, there's nothing wrong with you. Just let it happen. Another thing you could do, is see if there's something that has happened in your past that triggers this, but it's not necessary...

I think what you're experiencing might be the same, just in a nother form: your body translating all your emotions combined with the physical stimulation, into an unexpected physical reaction.

Hope this helps

[pinkFlames]

Sometimes during particularly passionate sex, I've wanted to cry. I think its only a reaction to the intensity of feeling at the time.

[sensualGoddess]

RedRoses, I think what you explained is pretty accurate. The third time during that weekend, I was hysterical and I told him that I honestly didn't know why this happens.

I think for me, there's much more to intimacy than it being just physical.

But, I also do think that because what we do is so good, it's something that does scare me occasionally.

I do love him, and it's a discussion that we do have, because I honestly do think that I'm too young to know what love is. I've watched people date in middle and high school and I watch people date in college. For the most part, it's disheartening to me and my worst fear is to make the same mistakes so many other have.

Also, that word for me is in conflict. I don't care if we don't use the words, everything that is conveyed out physically and the way we talk already assures me that we'll be fine.

pinkFlames, I'm a virgin and I do have personal reasons why I want to remain that way, until I'm certain that I want to have sex. It has nothing to do with what I've been taught, just with several things that I believe.

However this is beginning to worry me a bit because I wonder how I'm going to react when and if we do have sex...I don't want him to think that he's doing anything wrong because he's done everything right by me so far...

[sensualGoddess]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

> if I do lose myself to intimacy, I'll start crying.

Are these--
* tears of joy
* happy tears
* tears of dread or doom
* other

If I can identify this, it's a powerful release of emotions...I can tell you that much. It depends. Whenever I just shed a few tears, it's because I'm happy with him. Our relationship formed over 3+ years, so I do know I'm happy with him. Also at my age, I did come into the dating scene late and everything I had heard about dating was all on hearsay...I was afraid of dating because people can get hurt, I endured my share of pain growing up around other people.

It's like the feeling of finding something so unexpected but it's such a good thing that otherwise one wouldn't even be able to dream or comprehend its existence.

Now, as for what happened the third time around during the day, that one is a bit tougher.

I want to say that I had a panic attack because it certainly felt like that. But I became fully aware of what we were doing in that moment. But it also felt like I was fighting something internally...all I know is whatever happened, that moment was the biggest release of emotions that I've ever had.

[RedRoses]

Originally Posted by sensualGoddess

I think for me, there's much more to intimacy than it being just physical.

That's exactly what I mean! I see you're interested in Reiki and yoga. So you must be familiar with the holistic principle(?): body and mind are one and influence eachother constantly.

Originally Posted by sensualGoddess

However this is beginning to worry me a bit because I wonder how I'm going to react when and if we do have sex...I don't want him to think that he's doing anything wrong because he's done everything right by me so far...

That really was the thing I was worried about too. Funny, so far I haven't met anyone that was... I took baby-steps towards actually having penetrative sex. Now I do, and consider it as something very overwhelming as much as beautiful. And very connected (spiritually) to my bf. Do you know that goddess-religions consider the womb to be the place that has a direct link to the universe, because here life is conceived? From this point of view having sex is being in contact with the universe. How can that not be something that makes energy swirl inside both your bodies?! Well, I guess that is what it felt like to me. Still does, but I can make the energy flow and overwhelm me more now, without the unexplainable urge to escape from it. But because of the spiritual connection I make, it is very important to me whom I have sex with and have chosen him carefully So I don't know what your reasons are (and you do not have to share it, don't get me wrong!), but just wanted to share this with you. Perhaps it makes things more clear to you.

Originally Posted by sensualGoddess

Also at my age, I did come into the dating scene late and everything I had heard about dating was all on hearsay...I was afraid of dating because people can get hurt, I endured my share of pain growing up around other people.

Just want to let you know: you're not alone in this

Good luck and feel loved, dear goddess

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sounds more like you're scared; of what it is difficult to say: of sex, of your relationship going to ruin; of yourself; of the emotions involved; of intimacy - whatever. You have described yourself as an "emotional basketcase" so this is most likely just part of that.

As to him worrying about it - well, he already knows so it isn't as if it is a surprise.

You have two choices:
1. accept that you do this and help him deal with it
2. face up to why and then stop being an emotional basketcase

[sensualGoddess]

well, this was something that we talked about last night, and he's fine with my reaction, as of now, he finds this cute and admirable (why this is I'll never know...)

but we did talk about certain fears that came up

sex: it's possible that I do have a fear, recently saw his package (i was in for a lot more than I imagined truthfully,) but I've made it clear that I wasn't going to go any further than oral for right now, and even with that I'm getting used to it

the relationship: that's a given, he my first bf...he's also a person I'm with outside of the culture and it's a shock bc everything has actually gone beyond what I could envision in a relationship...it can be overwhelming at times.

me, emotions and intimacy: that's not a fear. I believe that all of these are connected, something along the lines of what RedRoses mentioned in the previous posts...this has always been put into a rather deep perspective during our moments of intimacy.

The idea that goes through my mind is that intimacy/sex is like the Big Bang Theory...life as we know it was created though one sponatenous powerful action to which the beauty of life is in its current existance.

I think I figured a large part of this out now, thanks for everyone's input.

I do want to stop the tears from occurring but it's an automatic response to what I feel at the moment, and it does go away on its own. Since he has no problem with it, I might as well go with what I feel, although I haven't been able to put what I'm feeling into words until today...which now warrants one other question.

Is a man capable of understanding and appreciating the beauty of intimacy? Does it hold a similar vulnerability and emotions as it does for women??? For my man, I know it does, I can feel that in whatever we do, but I wanted to have this opened up to anyone who wants to answer.