Girls, and the extraction of semen

[Brandye]

The first time I caused an orgasm in a b/f, what I noticed was a spreading wetspot on his jeans where I was rubbing. I was not fully aware what happened. It was a few weeks later that I "took him out" and caused an ejaculation that traveled some distance and made quite a mess. During the cleanup, I got the giggles and he was hurt. So, I did it again but with a handful of tissues. He got over his hurt. These were great early learning experiences for me and should be for your girl friend. Her biological role is the extraction of semen. That is something she needs to know and not something you should hide from her and be embarrassed about.

[Brandye]

OK, doc, you have generated a new thread. For others, the original post here was a response to a young man embarrassed by ejaculating into his pants with his girlfriend. The purpose was to say relax, women have to learn about that.

The title given initially caused the feminist in me to recoil. That should not be, because for the last billion or so years since living things developed in the primal ooze, each specie has needed to do two things: 1. sustain itself, and, 2. replicate itself. Many different approaches to each were developed by nature. Some critters simply absorb nutrients from their environment and when they get too large break into two. That doubles their population each generation. Evolution has given mammals the least efficient, but most enjoyable, way to reproduce: requiring the sperm of a male to be deposited inside the body of a female. To this end, every woman has a small organ, about four inches long normally, that has no natural purpose other than to extract semen from penis'. That, of course, is our vagina. Biologically we women are designed to extract semen and, during the course of our lives we receive gallons, of semen one tablespoonful at a time.

Dancingdoc has often appealed that the mating rituals of dating and petting are learning experiences that, properly used, serve us for the rest of our lives. I have vivid memories of first sexual experience and recent sexual experience. In between, were pleasant memories that have stayed with me and some distinctly forgettable moments. In the two examples given in the original post, and subsequent sessions, I learned volumes about the male body. That from a 14 yo boy who knew little about his own body and nothing about mine. In the first instance I was simply trying to get him to "feel me up." I kept contorting myself to place a breast (quite nice ones for a 14 yo!) in his hand. Each time that I did, he nervously jerked his hand away. Finally, I got close and squashed his hand into my breast.

To my surprise, he squeezed a couple times and reached for my crotch. Not what I wanted nor expected and through denim jeans with multiple seams in the critical spots, hardly stimulating. I merely placed a hand in his lap and the contact was enough to cause the wet spot. The following weekend date, I went further by not wearing a bra under my blouse (and wearing a bulky sweater to get past my mum). But, made a terrible mistake. I was having my period and, so, wore a skirt. Pads do not fit well under jeans and are easier to adjust with a skirt. I was signaling breasts; he interpreted skirts make women's parts more accessible. When he reached under my skirt, I panicked! If he had discovered the pad and that I was menstruating I would have been mortified. My aunt had told me that when things start to get out of hand, open his fly and rub it. I did and he did not follow my bottom that I was rapidly moving out of reach.

These two experiences caused great curiousity about how the penis works and several weeks of our dating were taken up that led him to believe that I really liked to play with his penis but, to me, he was merely a laboratory experiment.

It was years later that I figured out how I messed these encounters up. Let us use this for learning.

[whyyknott]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Dancingdoc has often appealed that the mating rituals of dating and petting are learning experiences that, properly used, serve us for the rest of our lives. I have vivid memories of first sexual experience and recent sexual experience. In between, were pleasant memories that have stayed with me and some distinctly forgettable moments.

Let us use this for learning.

Good explaination of learning about sexuality during dating. My first time kissing my girlfriend was awkward, but so different and pleasant. It was ver stimulating and caused me to get hard. My first exploration with a girl body was very educational and served me well after that. We were more friends than girlfriend/boyfriend, but did enjoy having some sexual experiences with each other. She was the first tit I ever felt with my hand and I'm glad she was so forward with moving me along. We had done some kissing a few times when we were together which was nice. But we started one night kissing laying on the floor. I had my arm across her and she moved so her tit moved across my hand and then stopped with my hand right on her tit. So I started to feel it through her shirt and bra and was so excited. I also felt her nipple getting hard and found this fascinating. I had no idea a girl's nipple would react that way. Then she even undid a few buttons on her shirt, so I slipped my hand inside her shirt and felt her bra and tit, then under her bra and directly had my hand on her tit. It was so nice. I could feel wetness in my pants from the lube secretion from my nice hard cock. We kept this up for awhile and I could hardly believe it when I left that I had been able to feel her tits.

The next time we were together, we picked up where we left off. After a few kisses, I had my hand back on her tits and were were enjoying each other. She pushed me onto my back and then laid on top of me. I had never had a girl laying on top of me and it was nice. I was nervous about her feeling my hard cock, but then again it felt good to have her pressing against it. It also left my hands to feel her back and under her shirt. I felt her bra strap and found it nice, but when she reached back and unfastened it, I found feeling her entire back without any obstruction so nice. She even sat up so my hands could go on her front and feel her tits without her bra being fastened. I was finding this so totally fasinating and exciting. She laid back down for more kissing and I became bolder and let my hands move down over her ass. The feel of her ass in my hands was nice. It also tended to increase her stimulation and she was breathing much harder and kissing much more intensely. We ended this session and I found a nice wet spot in my pants. I hadn't ejaculated, but had sure enjoyed the stimulation.

Each time we got back together, we just seem to pick up right where we left off and we became much more comfortable with each other and found out what worked for each of us with some refinement to what we had done before. I really enjoyed the feel of her on me, the kissing, ear nibbling, feeling her bare tits and being able to slide my hand down her pants onto her panties covering her ass. She even took it one step further and started to move her hips when she was laying on top of me. Feeling her grind against my hard cock with her pelvic area was so new and pleasant. Even though it was through our pants, it still felt amazing. It was nice to lay on top of her with her legs spread open and have me move my hips and rub my cock on her pubic area. We both found this very stimulating and enjoyable. I don't remember ever ejaculating in my pants from this, but did end up wet. She also got wet panties from this. This is as far as we ever went as it wasn't a long lasting relationship. I think we both just enjoyed a little sexual time with each other and then moved on to other things and people. But I sure found this a great learning experience for me and made me much more comfortable with other girlfriends.

[Brandye]

Whyyknot has provided the service of showing that young men, too, can benefit from the learning experience of courting. For the next several months after the first two almost accidental handjobs, I must have given him 100. I was trying to see what the entire cycle from flaccid penis through arousal to ejaculation looked like. The problem with my experiment design was that any time his penis was exposed in my presence, it was erect! Sometimes it took a few ejaculations until he became completely soft and I could observe that state for a while but he would become erect again at the slightest stimulation. Needless to say, I became pretty good at it and introduced a few variants that he seemed to enjoy. That learning is still valuable a few decades later.

All the time that I was “observing,” and getting quite proficient, Eva and I were preparing to seduce our boyfriends and they were not in on the planning. She had embarked upon her own learning and jointly we accumulated the knowledge and required equipment (condoms and vaginal jelly) to safely dispose of our virginity. During this time I learned the size candle I needed to prepare, what parts of his genitals responded to what type touching, what would be coming out and, most importantly, that with successive ejaculations he took a bit longer, produced a bit less and the power of his ejaculation decreased. I knew definitely to bring him off a few times before I even introduced the condom. He did not learn too much during this time. He still was insistent on getting a finger in me with cursory attention to my breasts, which I really wanted him to dwell on, and little external stimulation. Not his fault! I was specifically using him as a learning tool and not really making my body available for him to learn.

When the big night came, I knew exactly what I was going to do and how his body would react. I knew more about how his body would function than about my own. Eva and I had rehearsed, expressed our frustrations at how inept our boyfriends were and, even, demonstrated to one another what we wished they were doing and what we were going to do. We agreed that we did not really need expert lovers; we needed erect penis’ to accomplish our missions of getting rid of our virginity. The first really clear view he had of my bottom was when he watched me insert the vaginal jelly; the first time he had seen a condom was when I rolled one onto him; he still was unaware of my desire for breast stimulation or attention to my outer parts. Neither of us really knew what I needed. The “event” was hardly stimulating for me and lasted too short a time, even after a few warm-ups into tissues. It took a bit until we could repeat with me on top to try different angles and moves to discover what would turn me on. With him, I never learned these things; Eva and I would discover this between us. My dating him lasted not quite a year, never led to my sexual satisfaction (I often masturbated later at home) but was an invaluable learning experience for me. It could have been so much more if we had known how to teach one another.

[Brandye]

So, where is this leading. We get many questions here on preparing for the first time from both young men and women. The focus is usually on position, how to prevent pain or bleeding, how to “get it in” and similar. Rarely do the questions involve the more important issue of protection of both partners or actual readiness to experience sex. Too often the wording of the question indicates a woeful lack of knowledge of one’s own sexual anatomy, let alone of the partner’s.
I do not know how or when my first partner ever gained the knowledge needed. We stayed together much less than a year and he certainly did not learn with me. That is not necessarily his fault but is the result of mutual ignorance and my never really giving him access to parts he needed to learn about. I had done much exploration of his body trying to figure out the “extraction of semen” thing and it would have served us both well had I disrobed, laid back and said, “Look me over.” Recommendation: Those who are truly prepared, emotionally, to enter into an active sexual relationship need to give one another the opportunity to see what they are dealing with. Rather than be in a rush to “get it in there,” they need be interested in developing a comfort in being with one another. Schedule a “learning date.” Start with an agreement to two things: 1. No vaginal penetration by the penis; and, 2. The male will not be left with a raging erection. This relieves the nervousness of a woman being anxious about accepting penetration and relieves performance anxiety in the man, while assuring him he will be given the relief needed after being naked with a woman for a while. Then, get out the diagrams and descriptions and locate what is identified both visually and tactilely: explore one another’s body. Most young women, indeed all women, are uncomfortable being looked over but men like to look at women’s bodies and we need to develop a comfort with being looked at. A male friend of mine enjoys simply lifting my knees and spreading them to gaze into me. Not a time to be self-conscious of what my bottom looks like! And, whether the intensity of his gaze, his description of what is happening or anticipation of what is next, I find it quite exciting.
Allow visual examination of any and all parts of the body, touching, spreading, rubbing and learning what may or may not be pleasurable for either of you. Show him how your breasts move – sitting, standing, lying on your side, up on all fours – and encourage touching and pointing out what feels good and what goes beyond how the body moves. Have a bit of lubricant available to allow him internal exploration guiding in him in the pressure and depth that is pleasurable. As it becomes the woman’s turn to “learn” you will undoubtedly be confronted with a fully erect penis and, if it is your first time, it will seem daunting. Look it over, touch it, noting the different types of skin on different parts of it, grasp it and follow his guidance. For this step you will want some tissues to catch the ejaculate because he will likely experience an orgasm. That relieves much tension and then you can explore the rest of his body, returning to relieve the tension a few more times as desired by him. Note the changes in his body and, especially his penis, through the different stages of arousal.
An hour or so of mutual exploration will answer more questions than you will think to ask and what you learn will still be guiding your sexual performance years from now. When you are really ready “to get it in there” you will each know what you are dealing with.

[percqueen]

awesome man

[ArianaCary]

I like it carry on guys and good luck!

[Barely18Guy]

Brandye, just how old are you to know that much? I learned a lot since I came on this site a week ago, and I still learn lots, but i would never think of a "Mutual understanding" Session like that... the course of your first experience seems dissapointing, and I'm sorry about that... but it looks like you do know a lot now.

I'm only 18, but I consider I know many things about the women anatomy and my own, I can't know everything for sure, but I'm surely a suitable lover... Or so my ex thought anyway!

Thank you again for all this, performance goes through knowledge of your partner's body and I will never forget how much it's important.

I still pitty that first boyfriend of yours... poor little boy must've had a hard time understanding you, if he ever did.

[Brandye]

I amlikely a bit older than your mother. See my profile.

[Barely18Guy]

I can't see your age... But I'm impressed, it looks hard to study to become physician... congratulations!