She still wants me I think

[duh477]

This girl that I work with and hadnt seen for a few months went out w me two or 3 times. but then got a bf and I hadnt seen her in months and I went to work and she was really into me and told me that she felt bad that she stayed at work w me longer than going to her bfs house and that she wishes she knew what it would have been like if she was with me. She was really jelous when I told her I was going out with another girl next week. I wanted to say deep down you know you made a mistake and have fun w your loser bf but I didnt. I wouldnt mind trying with her again but I dont know if I should persue this or not? if so How would I go about it?

[dancingdoc2]

The purpose of dating is to learn as much as possible about what humanity has to offer us in potential mates. Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Therefore, dating by definition should be comprised of one or more non-exclusive relationships until a person is ready to settle down and has found Mr./Ms. Right.

"Exclusivity" can be implied by behavior (read about "Implied Consent") without having to have a declaration between the two parties when it is desired to have more togetherness. The danger with exclusivity is that when a couple act this way there is a great chance for a lot of emotional drama and trauma, particularly with teens and/or young adults who have not dated much or many different people.

> she wishes she knew what it would have been like if she was with me.

So, ask her to join you for dinner and perhaps a movie and see what happens. If nothing, then no harm no foul. If you like each other enough from this initial get together, then ask for another date and so on and on until the relationship to whatever extent runs its course; then, date someone else.

> She was really jelous[sic] when I told her I was going out with another girl next week.

Your word or hers? That is her problem, not yours. Ask her out if you want and see if you can make her day/night. (Reread the beginning.)

> I wanted to say deep down you know you made a mistake and have fun w your loser bf but I didnt.

Knowing what the purpose of dating is all about, what would that have accomplished? You now have an opportunity to ask her out, even if it is only one time. If the date goes well, ask her out, again, and see what happens. You may find that things do go well between you. It is far far better to chalk up her previous relationship to simply not being ready for you, and that now she might very well be. (See the positive in a person's history.)

> I wouldnt mind trying with her again but I dont know if I should persue this or not? if so How would I go about it?

Asked and answered. Please read the articles listed in the Index on how to date, then, pick up the telephone (no texting, no E-mail) and invite her out. Alternately, see her after work, and look her in the eye, smile, and inform her that you really would like to take her to dinner and a movie and would she accept an invitation for (pick a day) at (pick a time)? If she says "yes" ask her what type of food she likes and if she would like to see movie A or movie B, then agree on a time and tell her you'll be calling for her and are really looking forward to this. If the day is a week or so away, tell her this, again, mid- to near the end of the week, also, with a smile and enthusiastic tone.

Drop the negativity and attitude, because there is no reason for it. She has opened the proverbial door, now, go thru it and meet her on the other side if you catch my drift.

After completing your reading assignment, do not hesitate to ask any questions. I hope this is of help.

-doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

The one thing that REALLY irritates women is this competetiveness between men. "your loser bf" GIVE IT A REST. Women do not go out with what's his name because of your opinion of him. Besides which, it isn't any of your business.

The ONLY thing you should care about is the relationship between you and her.

[Rouge]

May I point out: "Her loser bf" is with her, and isn't sitting there watching her leave. Whose the loser here? Not her boyfriend.

Sorry to say, but she's keeping you on a spare line. She doesn't actually want you, but wants you there if things with her boyfriend go badly. Either way, you're getting his seconds. Sucks to be you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Excuse me? What about not being exclusive don't you understand?

What she does 'on her own time' is her business - not one else's.

This idea of "you're getting his seconds" - what utter BS!!

She is NOT his any more than she is YOURS.

She is HERS.

Sorry, Rouge but you've just reinforced the "men must compete" ideology that has men being jealous and women kept as chattle since the dawn of time - CONGRATS.

[Rouge]

EEK, I'm not complaining about exclusivity. I'm pointing out the fact that this guy is clearly confused, and his approach of the scenario is wrong.

As much as we'd like that ideology to change, the majority of people (and most likely this girl) are working off of the mind frame that men compete. If he was asking us about you, I'd give much different advice, but seeing as (I'm assuming) he's going through teenage idiocies, he needs to realize when he's being kept on a shelf and not, and we have to explain it as she most likely sees it, which is how 90% of the population sees it..

[EvilEvilKitten]

True but the way to stop it, and btw to get a 'quality gf', is to NOT PLAY THAT GAME. Why? Because a high quality gf is not going to stand for it. And the reverse is true.

If you have half an ego, you simply will not think of 'him' or 'her' as a threat and then you won't act stupid, jealous or possessive. Being any of those marks a guy/girl out as being a WIMP.

And there is nothing stopping this guy from telling the lady that he doesn't have a problem with her bf or dating etc.

His 'stepping up' will demand that she 'step up'.

Teenagers esp. have to know how to behave properly and effectively in the real world which is not 'high school'.

[dancingdoc2]

Darn it all--if you want to invite the girl out, ask her!

If she has a boyfriend and you want to date her--ask. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Dating is all about learning who is out there, what characteristics they have that are what we are looking for in a potential mate. There is nothing wrong with dating two people at a time. Neither should you take it personally if she refuses your invitation. It may simply mean that she is not yet ready. In keeping things "positive", keep the door of opportunity open and never close it in a big huff.

Nowhere is it written that dating is limited to one person at a time, or, that we cannot switch from the current person of interest to the next one in line. Dating is and should be an open forum until that special person comes along. Until such time, if you want to spend more time with someone than someone else, do so. Do so because you choose to, not because of some declaration making "us" exclusive. This is when the activity runs into problems.

> >She was really jelous [sic] when I told her I was going out with another girl next week. I wanted to say deep down you know you made a mistake and have fun w your loser bf but I didnt.

Like I recommended, above, lose the attitude. What if this was her statement about you and the girl next week? Two negatives do not make a positive. Get it?

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

The ONLY thing you should care about is the relationship between you and her.

Yup! As far as the next relationship in a series is concerned, a person's history is just that--history. All that should matter is what is now. Maybe one or more guys in her past were "losers". Maybe one or more gals in your past were not right for you. All that should matter to each of you is what is now and about to happen. Make the most of this and forget about each others history unless there is an adverse affect.

If you let your ego get the better of you and how you manage a new relationship, you end up tainting the future and wasting your creative energy.

[duh477]

no more arguing on my threads i dont need the bs just answer the question why are my threads always stickys anyway... bc they are good questions.

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by duh477

no more arguing on my threads i dont need the bs just answer the question why are my threads always stickys anyway... bc they are good questions.

lol only 3 of them are stickies .. to me all your threads have the same theme... she wants me/she don't want me. What do I do ? etc etc .. You seem to me to be a very insecure young lad...