Too nice?

[mrosenberg16]

I've been separated from my wife of 3 years for around 6 months now and it looks like divorce is unfortunately not far off. I've recently begun dating and mostly meeting people through my group of friends. Had some very good dates and there are a few girls I've had multiple dates with and I enjoy their company. I'm a Jewish, 30 year old, good looking guy who does well for himself financially so I find that I have a good amount of confidence when dating. However, 2 different girls have commented to my friends that they worry if I'm "too nice." That's definitely the first impression I make, and it's only when people get to know me that they see a little more edge to my personality. I do understand where some girls can be turned off by that, but it's hard for me to act any other way.

I guess my question for women is - if a guy is too nice are you not interested in him for much more than a friendship? Is it a sexual turnoff? My dilemma is that I'd love to be able to come off a little more aggressive or with a little more attitude, but I don't really know how to when I first meet someone. I'm always very aware of how people perceive me and I have a hard time being that way with someone until they get to know me better and I feel comfortable with them. So I worry that I won't be able to get to that point with some of these girls because they're not going to be interested long enough to keep dating me. Feels like a catch 22. Some advice from women would be appreciated on how you like someone to come off on your first few dates. What should I look out for in terms of being "too nice?" How can I still come off as a good guy, but also allow them to see me in a different light? Any advice is appreciated!

[Brandye]

That is you. It will appeal to as many women as it turns off. To fake otherwise would be getting a woman interested in someone you are not and eventually lead to mutual disappointment. Be nice.

Unexpected advice: If you and your soon to be ex get along at all, ask her. She may be very willing to help.

[theus]

mrosenberg16,

Hey I understand how you feel. I have been told im to nice by women before. I usually make a good friend in there mind. I couldn't agree with brandye more on this one though. Be yourself a really good woman can appreciate a man being nice. If she see that as a problem she hasn't dated enough jerks.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Let your 'edge' appear sooner than you have been. That might work. Nothing overdone however.

I personally look for a man to show some appreciation in a calm, confident and relaxed way. An 'edge' tends to strike me as being "immature".

[mrosenberg16]

Thanks for the advice guys. All things for me to think about. Will see how the next few dates go!

[Sekcboi85]

I am still young but my opinion on the matter is that too nice only becomes a problem when you start doing everything for the woman. For example, paying for everything, catering to her every need. Basically when it appears like you are trying to "buy" her affection is when she gets turned off.

But being nice has many upsides if you don't overdo it. And I know this is very cliche, but if a girl doesn't like you for who you are then she isn't worth your time anyway.