she's got a bad rep...

[bear99]

I'm in college, graduating soon.

I recently met this girl a few months ago, same age as me and graduating soon. We met through a mutual friend, who introduced us one night. I found that I really liked her, and managed to get her to come out to dinner with me a few times. She started responding, we starting seeing each other more and more, and then....her reputation.

I really have no idea what to do. Ever since my friends (girls and guys) have started seeing us together, all I hear is "be careful with her" or "she's crazy," and she "treats people like shit." Many of my girlfriends just plain don't like her at all. I usually ignore this stuff, because I understand that girls at this age can be catty, and malicious. But it got to the point that whenever my relationship with her came up in conversation almost everyone asks me "is everything ok with you two? How has she been?" I don't want to hear this stuff.

I definitely have feelings for this girl, and she's been treating me fine. There have been a few rocky spots, but its mostly just been miscommunication on our parts, which we quickly fixed. There have been times when she gets distant but always remains interested as far as I can tell.

We have talked about the "future," which is very ambiguous as it is, with both of us graduating in a few months. I just don't want to get hurt. We've both agreed to be completely honest with each other. I think we're both scared of commitment but I know myself and my feelings and I can sense myself falling for her. I've been very guarded so far and haven't opened myself up completely to her. I've let her know how I feel but to a point. I don't want to think her reputation is affecting this, but in the back of my mind I know it is a little.

Any advice would be great, thank you!

[Brandye]

Some conflicting advice:

The best predictor of future human behaviour, is past behaviour.

Leaving school and going to a new environment is the best time to change what we do not wish to follow us. God knows, I left a lot behind at University - and continued education in a different country!

Do you have the confidence to tell her what you are hearing and allow her to respond? Is it a bad rep or a bad rap?

[bear99]

The thing is, her "past behavior" is clouded. Everytime I ask whoever is criticizing her, they can never give me anything solid. No past experiences, mostly just intangibles. "I've heard she is a bitch" or "she's just mean to everyone." I've heard her be described as one of those "girls who always wins."

I can kind of see this, as she is a daddy's girl from a very, very wealthy family, but that shouldn't necessarily make her a bad person.

It's mostly a bad reputation, to answer your question.

Do I have the guts to confront her about this? I've been debating that. No one wants to hear that they have a bad reputation. I'm not sure how she would respond, and thats partly whats preventing me from confronting her about it. I guess I'm afraid it would ruin things.

[nuttychick]

Does it really matter what others think?
Do you care that much what others think that you would change your opinion of her?
Are they just jealous of her?

Think for yourself.. never listen to shit others say..( in my experience most of it is made up)
Maybe she has changed maybe it is untrue, who knows and really do you care and are you willing to ruin everything by asking her?

[lnt1103]

Sounds to me like the true problem here is the people who won't shut up.

[tntitans21399]

If you really want to know is if you happen to know other guys that have dated her in your circle of friends, ask them why people say things about her.

Sometimes rumors start when someone was hurt in a relationship and was hurt and that's their way to get back at them. But other times it is the truth. You could be in tunnel vision mood and not seeing the negatives or seeing the craziness. Usually if different set of people say and think the same thing, the likely hood it is true is higher, while if one group thinks that but other don't then it could be just that group.

Also I have learned as growing up certain things can change people. Chaning schools, even as low as middle school or up to College. Sometimes just being around new people or change of scenery can do it. Others is if something dramatic happened in their life and the rethink things in life. Then again also when people leave high school they really change, they are now finally on their own to make their own life chooses. All those can help/make a person change. I'm not sure if your girlfriend had, but their is a chance she can if the rumors are right.

Also you can look at their past to see how they are. Like if the person meet other people easily but don't keep relationship (dating or just friends) long, then they might like the exciting new thing but get bored quickly. Or they act a certain way (put on a show), and then once conformable actually start to be their self and it's not the same as their act.

[Rouge]

Here's my two cents:

Until she gives you reason to believe them, stand up for her and defend your relationship. They have no idea what your relationship is like, what she is really like, or much about her really.

When one man met me, he had heard that I was a "slut" and had slept with upwards of 14 people in a summer. He was my first. People have distorted perspectives, and only you really know her right now.

This being said (for those reading this for themselves), if there's concrete evidence that she's done "crazy" "bitchy" or "disrespectful" things before, then you can be worried. In this case, all the banter is ambiguous.

Go for it, support her, and see where things go!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Some kinght in shining armor you are! Here you are permitting others to slander your lady with rumor and innuendo. Not one fact among the lot.

For shame!

Man up and either ask her about it and/or tell your 'friends' to back off.

[Newtolove]

hm sounds like a girl I used to "hang out with" I devoted so much time to her but she would come and go as she felt, from the little I've gathered she's had sex with anyone that happened to be passing but never really with me yet we spent so long together, I had warning signs early on as she never really wanted to commit and next thing I knew (she would tell me) she'd had a one night stand with some guy. if I was to ask someone about her behaviour though there would be little to tell but I know that it would never work between us, but then at the end of the day you should know more about your situation than anyone and everyone is different

[EvilEvilKitten]

Wow, so you believed her, Newtolove?!?!?!
Failing the "tough love" challenge can hurt a bit but you are just jaded.