Sex his way ?!

[Deviantdesire]

My Boyfriends 18 and im 17.
we have been together for 3 months today !
and its so awkward at the moment, sex is always when he wants it never when i want it. He always says his tired and stuff but his not, Because he said he wanted to take photos of me then have sex with me but because of stuff from my past im really self- conscious, and i said i dont want you take photos of me im not ready for that kind of stuff he said fine im tired now.
And im getting fed up of it.
Ive tried new things with him to keep him satisfied but im just not getting much in return anymore.
I do love him, but our sex life is becoming like an order with him. When he wants it he must have it, when i want it... it doesnt happen.
How can i get this to change ?
H x

[CLVR-HNDS_GUY]

its simple, when he wants it dont have sex with him and say this is how you feel, sex is one of those things where you need to work it out and talk about it.
one way or another he will do it when you want to or he wont ask for sex anymore
have a read of other forums will give you some idea and better understanding on how to change.

[King Rick]

Here's an idea... Drop him... Find someone who won't order you around.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Deviantdesire

My Boyfriends 18 and im 17.
we have been together for 3 months today !
and its so awkward at the moment, sex is always when he wants it never when i want it. He always says his tired and stuff but his not,

This friend of yours may be a few months older, physically, although, in a recent post to someone else, I pointed out that boys typically mature about two years behind girls. Add to this the fact that a lot of fellas believe that to guide a relationship they have to be boss(y).

Now, going right along with this is the fact that boys tend to push and shove rather than guide by word and deed and negotiation. They have much to learn.

If this isn't enough, many teen boys will do and say anything to get laid. Add to this the fact that young guys in general will woo and romance and do most anything in order to win the girl over. He then places her on a pedestal and goes off, essentially ignoring her while he goes on to his next conquest.

Because he said he wanted to take photos of me then have sex with me but because of stuff from my past im really self- conscious, and i said i dont want you take photos of me im not ready for that kind of stuff he said fine im tired now.

Two things about this;
T#1: The boy is very controlling and unless he matures out of this his behavior is likely to become worse.
T#2: You are very wise not to permit photos to be taken of you. Once he has them there is every likelihood that he will share them with his buddies. If this is not bad enough there are plenty of documented news reports where these images are spread all around the internet. It is not uncommon for people you go to school with to see these pictures. Never Ever give into this request.

And im getting fed up of it.

As you have every right to be. You are dealing with a very bossy immature controlling kid and you cannot expect more for at least two more years, if at all. When he doesn't get his way, he shuts down. He has no real concern for you needs, wishes, or desires.

Ive tried new things with him to keep him satisfied but im just not getting much in return anymore.
I do love him, but our sex life is becoming like an order with him. When he wants it he must have it, when i want it... it doesnt happen.
How can i get this to change ?
H x

Quite simply: you can get this to change by continuing to date and to date for the right reason and find other young men. Please read the articles listed in the Index that discuss dating and relationships.

Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Why would you want to put up with this attitude and behavior? Dating is all about learning what humanity has to offer in the way of personalities, character, likes, dislikes, goals, morals, values, quirks, etc., in order to learn what qualities we want in a partner, then to be better able to recognize when Mr./Ms. Right comes along.

Your experience with this individual is and should be one of many. You must stand up for your principles, wants, and goals and continue to look for the individual who compliments you and will help you achieve them.

A great relationship is formed from two autonomous individuals who choose to join forces in order to have a life that is better and richer than the sum of its two parts. Right now, this young man is concerned more about his needs wishes and desires than yours or anyone elses. You cannot change him, so do not hang in there hoping you can or that he will see the error of his ways. This is an age and maturity problem that only time will take care of, plus some enlightenment from someone whose opinion he values. This person is not you.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[wet_suit_one]

Doc, once again you've demonstrated that you are a wise man. I feel privileged to be privy to your learned counsel.

OP, listen to Doc. He's a smart man!

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Listen to Doc! He has given you solid advice.

Sex should only happen when both parties want it, not one.

[King Rick]

Originally Posted by RATED-RKOFRANKLIN

Listen to Doc! He has given you solid advice.

Sex should only happen when both parties want it, not one.

Yes, because Franklin here knows so much about that.

But seriously. Listen to doc, he's full of great advice and I can personally tell you that he's helped me out in the past.

[lnt1103]

Doc is right on the money about this guy's behavior, and I would agree with Rick's first instinct too. Drop the guy.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You have my permission to dump his sorry ass and go find yourself a lover, or three, who is NOT a SELFISH PIG.

This kind of behaviour is saying that "ths relationship is ALL about him!" and YOU DO NOT COUNT or MATTER and who needs that?!?!?

Drop him and kick him in the head, either one, on his way down.

Next time - pick the guy who wants you more than he wants to breathe.

[Rouge]

Everyone is saying leave, but few are listing reasons. Here are the reasons you should leave:

1. Love is selfless; he is selfish, therefore it's not love

2. There is manipulation

3. He's throwing adult tantrums by saying he's tired and getting huffy

4. There is no communication (effective anyways)

5. Your needs are being ignored

6. Your boundaries are being ignored

7. He has no interest in changing any of the above


If I notice more, I'll add them.