And I don't get it...

[Chrissi Notorious]

So, I'm a senior in high school and I just don't get why no one has ever asked me out or even shown any interest in me! One of my guy friends told me it's because of the way I carry myself. He said that to some it screams "bitch," but others can recognize it as confidence in myself. He also told me I can be a bit intimidating... True, I'm very goal-oriented, wanting to be a surgeon and all, and I guess that can come off as intense, but I don't get how that carries over into how guys perceive me. HELP! Guys and girls perspectives appreciated!

[dancingdoc2]

Hello Chrissi,
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions people ask about. If you click on the site's Home page, you will find even more information.

> I'm a senior in high school and I just don't get why no one has ever asked me out or even shown any interest in me!

Sometimes, as with going to a dance, being chosen and not sitting on the sidelines is often just the luck of the draw. As a teen you have to understand that the process of maturing and transmuting into an adult is a decade long process and is not complete at the end of puberty. That said, each of us begins maturing at different ages which is why some fifteen year olds look like eleven and some fourteen year olds look much older. That said, boys do lag girls of the same age by about two years with regard to their mental maturity. This can have a profound effect on how boys interact with girls their own age and why it is not uncommon to hear someone say "he is so immature".... (I wonder, is this why in our society men often marry women one, two or so years younger?)

> One of my guy friends told me it's because of the way I carry myself. He said that to some it screams "bitch," but others can recognize it as confidence in myself.

You might want to read the new article on "Acquiring Confidence" that I just posted and had listed in the Index.

You state that the way you carry yourself is misinterpreted. I would say ask several older women, not your peers, for their evaluations. Your girlfriends are going to be cliquish and their replies can quite often be biased based upon jealousy and who knows what other competitive factors.

What I suggest that you evaluate, both by looking in the mirror and also asking the women, is if your carriage, stature, and walk, display an aire of snootiness or superiority. Look to see if your nose is in the air. If so--chill and relax, smile and laugh with others. If you are aloof interacting with others, learn how to integrate yourself in a more outgoing manner.

> He also told me I can be a bit intimidating... True, I'm very goal-oriented, wanting to be a surgeon and all, and I guess that can come off as intense, but I don't get how that carries over into how guys perceive me. HELP! Guys and girls perspectives appreciated!

Just taking what he related to you at face value, do you think you might want to separate your day into social awareness and goal oriented intensity? Try being more open and outgoing and develop one or more friendships with girls. Not all will want to warm up to you or admit you into their clique, one or more others will. Cultivate those new friendship(s) then one or more of the boys within their circle.

Next, let people know you wish to date. Ask friends, parents, and, relatives, to help you find an available boy. This is called "networking" and can work quite well because you have many more eyes and ears searching than just your own.

One major key to getting a guy to like you is to make people comfortable in your presence. The friendships you cultivate will most likely broaden your circle of friends and this will lead to certain fellas liking you enough to date.

Lastly, please read the articles listed in the Index concerning dating and relationships.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Rouge]

In all honesty, it's normal. Hell, I was lingerie modeling in high school, and I wasn't asked out! My suggestion is to focus on school and have your dating fun once you're out of it. You're more mature, have the money, and have far less limitations (drinking, curfew, driving, travel, etc).

There's nothing wrong with you at all!

[nyckitty]

I understand how you feel. I was a big nerd in hs and since at that time I wasnt very pretty (lol alot has changed since then) all I felt I had was my intellect. Guys are generally afraid of a girls with a brain anyways, at least in my opinion. Its some manly superiority complex thing I guess. But focus on school believe me boys cum (lol). And beside hs boys r jerks half the time wait till you get in college. They aren't at our level of maturity but its better then dating a too-wet-behind-the-ears hs boy lol.

[sunshowers]

You're very normal. It sucks, but it's normal! haha. I had a lot of friends in high school, guys and girls, but the guys never wanted to date me! And when I did date someone for a short time I felt that he held it against me that I was very driven in school. To put it simply, guys just aren't mature at that age. And in retrospect I realize how good it was that I wasn't complicating my life with relationships. Just focus on college and your future and making friends and it will come together!

[wet_suit_one]

Quite simply it's because boys are afraid of you. They don't really know what to do with you and they are afraid. I didn't get over my fear until I was about 30. Ah, so many wasted years... Sigh....

[wet_suit_one]

BTW, lingerie models are even more scary than other girls. I was friends with a girl who modeled lingerie in high school. God she was hot. Never ever asked her out either. Sigh...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Tis okay and do not worry about it - for I too was a killer in high school and I can tell you hgh school doesn't matter!

Go for what you want, being true to yourself.

The man who is worthy of you will not fear you at all, in fact, he'll think you're cute and adorable just as you are!

Forget the "boys" and begin looking at the "men" - there is a huge difference between the two!

[Rouge]

I suppose that's why I ended up with military men xD! Survive and conquer apparently applies..

[theus]

Chrissi,

I would like to present a male prespective. You sound like a wonderful young woman who has goals and ambitions. It will definately take the right man to appreciate your beauty and intellegence. All men are not intimidated by intellegent beautiful women. Even in highschool I was attracted to women such as yourself. Young men probably do find you attractive but do not posses enough self confidence to pursue you. Many women believe if the young men don't have self confidence then you don't need them.. I don't entirely agree but I see their point. Of course thats because I have a different prespective. I have acutally been a teenage boy. I have approached many beautiful, intellegent women who were nice to me. I have also approached a few woman were rude and disrespectful. Once guys get to know you they will open up and flirt with you.