I need some opinions

[koncadonk]

I have met a girl that I really like, well we are officially a thing and dating. I am 20 she is 22 and has been divorced and has a kid, we really get along and I want to make her the happiest girl in the world, we really connect on every level and when we spend time together its amazing, we have been officially dating for 5 days and before that hanging out and talking for another 5...

She lives an hour away from me, am I crazy for wanting to move closer to her (she wants me to also)

I am really confused and have never felt the way I feel about her with anyone and I am not scared with how fast things are going but am just looking for someone to tell me what they think...

[Massdebator]

I think you are moving WAAY too fast. You are 20 years old, and you are most probably at a very volatile stage of you life when everything is still up in the air. You hardly know her at all, and have said nothing about her child other than that she has one. Do you know the child? Do you like children? You better, because the girl and the child are a package deal, and what's more, her child is more important to her than you are. Given the time of your life you are in, how little you know of her, and the distance between you, you really ought to take things more slowly. Maintain regular contact, and continue to go on dates, but feel free to date others as well. Save exclusivity for when you feel confident that you could spend your life with her, and more importantly, when you feel that you are equipped to be (and want to be) that child's father figure.

It is fairly irrational to give up your life, uproot yourself, and start anew for someone you have known for a mere 10 days! I get a feeling that she moved this quickly with her ex-husband, and it netted her a divorce and single parenthood. She didn't learn anything from that, I guess.

[Humble]

Massdebator gave you good advice - you should take heed!

Ask yourself: Are you rushing into things too fast? Even more importantly, are you really ready to be a (step-)father at your age?

It seems that you are heading headlong into a relationship disaster that could have long-term consequences for you. What's more, it could have long-term consequences for the child. You really ought to think this through and give yourself some time to cool off before you make any decisions.

[dancingdoc2]

I agree with all of the above.

* Slow (way) down
* Stay where you are
* Date casually
* Get to know each other very very very well before making any sort of move to change your address.

In order to help you maintain a center, please read this:

I think we are ready to live together!!
We frequently hear about people living together who later find that one, the other, or both are not happy living together. Similarly, we frequently read a post in which a couple is contemplating moving in together and looking for a suitable residence. Here is an initial Check List.

As for her child(ren), many relationship experts recommend dating the parent without meeting her/his offspring. The reason is to keep the initial and early relationship strictly between the adults for many months. It is very bad on children to have men coming and going out of their parent's life. Until you have a successful history with this woman over the course of eight months or so, and sufficient to know if the two of you are going to continue, do not become involved in the child's life, except for a casual introduction.

The one thing not to do is to become a part of the child's life, a pseudo parent figure, only to break up with the mother/father and have the cycle repeat over and over. This can be really bad for the child(ren) no matter how good and honorable your intentions are.

Ideally, this mother should not marry until after her child has graduated high school. Her focus for the next many years must be her children. Can she day? Of course. Marry? Blended relationships are difficult; step parents are problematical the older the child is.

So, ten days is far too early to make any decisions. Carry the relationship out nine months before making any tentative plans. We understand you are enamored with her, in lust, in like, and want to have this budding relationship have a favorable journey, yet there are relationship stages that you must go through as you travel.

Have you been reading the articles listed in the Index? Has she? If so, have you discussed what you have learned?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay - this is TROUBLE.

The problem (see the link Warning Signs Part One above) is Quick Involvement.

Dammit, only 10 days and she's taking THAT kind of a chance with her child's welfare?!?!?!

Huge red flag, buddy!

Women with children should be "Mama Bear protecting her cubs" types, so when they aren't - it is a problem. You should be undergoing all kinds of 'tests' and she should be moving slowly.

SO WHY ISN'T SHE?

[lnt1103]

Um, yeah, it took me a year to move two hours away to live with a boyfriend. Well, ok, I guess it took 6 months to decide to do so. But still....

TEN DAYS????????

Get a grip.