Quick Dating Protocol Question...

[Ephemera]

Hello everyone,

So I've been hanging out with this girl recently; she's come over for movies a few times. I wasn't exactly sure if I liked her, and I guess now I think she's more of friend-material. However, her good friend is really cute and I kind of want to explore that... The problem is that the first girl seems to like me quite a bit. What's the protocol for going after her friend? I don't want to cause a storm. And yes, because they're college freshmen, it would probably be a storm.

Any advice? I'm going over there tonight to cook dinner for her and a couple of her friends, including the one I have my eye on.

[dancingdoc2]

This is a sticky situation. The recommended advice is never to date a previous girlfriend's best friend. In this situation, I would suggest looking beyond these two for someone outside their circle.

Worst case is that if you did decide to date a friend, the friends will take your inventory and compare notes. Do not place yourself in such a situation.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You could try being honest with this "friend" and talk to her about your chances with her buddy. But, of course, that takes maturity and courage - do you have that? After all, she could say "she brought you two together".

Frankly, I think who you see or not is your business and no one else's - this includes anyone's friends. But if you want to still use your high school playbook instead of progressing further into adulthood, it is your call.

[lnt1103]

If you really feel a responsibility to help avoid a storm, I would make a clear-cut break from Friend A, with a little time lapse in between, before pursuing Friend B. Don't just suddenly jump from A to B--A's whiplash will contribute to said storm.

That said, avoiding a storm is not your responsibility, it's theirs. If they want to play adult dating games, they need to do so like adults. It won't be you getting between them(even if one or both sees it that way), it will be their own egos.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The trick to handling emotional storms is to refuse to hear them.

If whatever the issue is cannot be discussed in conversational tones and considerate language then it does not need to be discussed - right now. The issue can be dealt with later when everyone's engaged their brains and put their emotions on hold.

Each of us is responsible for our own emotions, our own ego, and our own actions. You are only responsible for yours. She is only responsible for hers. This is what being adult is all about.

[Ephemera]

Of course you're right, EEK and Int.


Doc, I haven't really begun seriously dating either of them, so I don't think I have to worry about "comparing notes," though I don't think that would shine too harsh a light on me, anyway.

I guess I'll ask the friend out casually and take it from there.