Have I become a "boy toy"?

[capmandu]

Quick background - I am 30yrs old and work for a very successful company and just moved to a new city where I purchased a high-end condo in a nice part of town. Soon after I moved in, my neighbor invited me over for drinks we kind of hit it off right away in a really cool way. Problem is, she is 51. She and I both travel a lot for work, and she is extremely wealthy, but she doesn't have a lot of friends in town since she travels a lot and is a transplant like me. Used to, whenever we saw each other in town, we would have a drink or dinner in one or the others deck or kitchen and talk for hours and we had a really fun relationship that was very cool.

Over the course of this year, however, this has progressed to us having sex a few times. When I say she really enjoys sex, I mean she really enjoys sex. She definitely knows what she wants and how to get it, and the last time we had sex, I think she had about 9 orgasms - she is prolific! The problem is, this relationship is not going to go anywhere, but should I be concerned with that? She has begun txting me a lot, buying me gifts on her travels, really expensive wine when she sees I am home, etc. and I really think all she wants in return is for me to satisfy her and give her orgasms. When we first had sex, she said it was her first time to have sex in 12 years, and says now that she never has sex except with me, which has been about 4 or 5 times in the last 9 months. She is very attractive, takes great care of her body, and lets me do just about anything I want to do to her in bed - it's a dream come true, right? And she really enjoys the experience, obviously!

Earlier this week, I was home for the first time since August, and she came over one night in a robe with a bottle of nice wine. When I went to get some glasses and a corkscrew, I came back out onto my deck to find her totally nude and with a package of that KY "His&Hers" lube and she was smiling and pointing to one of my outdoor futon-type bed, as if to say "time to get to work"...

This is going to become a problem, isn't it?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Congratulations!

You are receiving the best sexual education on the planet and, very true, this relationship will not go anywhere - if by 'anywhere' you mean wife and children. It won't go there. You are a cougar's toy boy: face it.

If a wife and children are what you want, you will have to stop being exclusive with her and date around. Try to socialize with 25 to 30 year-olds. You don't want to break it off with this 51 year-old lady however but you will have to 'man up' and talk with her about what you want in life.

Should your cougar decide to let you go, that's fine. Be polite and say that you're heartbroken - after all, the nicities have to be observed. But go without making a fuss and do NOT ever darken her door or warm her bed again. Moving should NOT be required.

One thing you SHOULD be asking yourself: "How come she's messing around with guys like me and NOT with men who are her equals?" That may seem 'age-ist' but usually women of her age seek out men of your age for just one thing. Especially since she hasn't had sex in 12 years and is now being exclusive with you. There's an issue here. Capice?

[Brandye]

At the moment, it IS a problem. Nothing wrong with each of you having a convenient sexual outlet. Showering you with gifts of substance is, however, staking a claim. In a calm moment, bring it up pretty much as said here. If the sex and companionship is worth it, she will continue the relationship. You know it is going nowhere and, at some level, she does, too. Lay it all on the table and each of you can make a decision.

Being of similar age, I can read her mind: she sees this as a last chance to get what she really wants and is going overboard to get it. In actuality, it is not necessarily her last chance but demographics are against women past 50.

Honesty will most likely lead to a good friendship; fretting over it will not be pleasant for either.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oh I don't know...I'm having a wonderful time and I'll not see 50 again.
It isn't just me who is enjoying a great many men at this age.

Cougar's pick younger men for more than one reason:

1. they don't have to take them seriously -toyboy
2. they want fully operational penises -taking not giving
3. they are into educating the young -maternal
4. they want to feel young - fear of aging
5. they like the control -puppy-puppet

and I may have missed few.

You're going to have to talk, buddy!

[capmandu]

ok, great advice. Thanks ladies! Nice to hear from someone her age for some insight!

Writing this post and then reading your advice was a good "push" for me to advance the conversation with her. We had dinner last night and a great talk. We agreed that pure honesty is the only way to go here. The great thing about our relationship is we really respect each other and the things we have accomplished in our lives. Based on that, we discussed our relationship for what it is. I really don't think she is playing me, and she feels the same way. We are both so busy with our jobs and travel so frequently, a "conventional" relationship for either of us would be hard to even get started, let alone to maintain. I have never felt like I am wired for the whole wife and kids thing either...

We happened upon each other in this world, we clicked, and it the way our relationship works for each of is perfect - so what's wrong with that, right? We agreed to approach from a standpoint of honesty and mutual respect. One of our rules was to let the other know were we to have sex with someone else since right now we are monogamous and not using condoms (she is unable to conceive). I asked that she not buy me gifts, or feel compelled to any way and she agreed. All in all, it was a perfect assessment of where we are and really great evening of conversation.

She leaves this weekend for 2 weeks in London, and before she returns I will leave for a project in Dubai that will keep me there until just before Christmas. We have agreed to meet in Spain to celebrate Christmas and New Years as there is a famous restaurant there in Spain we both want to try, so we made a reservation for late Dec. A break in the action will be nice, but I can say that I do love her and that our relationship is more than "fuck buddies" - what it is, I'm not sure yet, but I am along for the ride!

So there you have it. Maybe I'll check back in after the the first of the year and give you an update?

Thx.

[EvilEvilKitten]

That would be great.
Good luck to both of you!