might have put myself in a bad spot...

[stlou87]

So I'm not completely sure if I'm doing anything wrong here...in the back of my mind I'm feeling guilty but I tend to over analyze situations - especially when it comes to girls - to a point where I'm not really sure what to do at all.

I'm in college...I work, I get good grades, my parents are proud.
On the other hand I play hard too. There's been a lot of drinking the past few months, and when I drink, I go girl crazy. I see myself do this and sometimes I don't like it, at the same time I have a lot of fun chasing girls, but sometimes it gets me into weird situations.

In a nutshell, I was interested in this one girl for the longest time- for years and years. Earlier this month she expressed some interest in me, which is always exciting to hear. We ended up seeing each other in harmless situations...at the library, out at bar. Of course, after we had gotten to know each other, one night we ended up dancing at a club and we went home together and had sex.

She had to go home (she lives several hours away from school) for a family emergency for a few weeks. An important characteristic to note about her is that she is very hesitant to let guys in. I can never really get a read on her, and so I was second guessing myself when it came to her feelings for me. I figured that our night together was a one-night thing and let it go. I was a little disappointed but ever since a bad experience with an ex I havn't let myself get too attached to anyone.

After she left, I drunkenly ended up going home with another girl I liked a week later. Now this girl has been way more open with me about her feelings. It's only been a few weeks since we slept together and she's already telling me how much she's fallen for me. It's a little overwhelming because I don't know what to do. I like her but I'm not ready at all to commit to anyone, and the whole "love" talk has freaked me out a bit.

At the same time, Girl A came back to school and has re-initiated things. She started texting me...a lot, dropping hints here and there about wanting to see me.

I guess I just don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be in between these two girls. Another problem is that Girl B is in a sorority, and I'm friends with a lot of her sisters. I feel as if I hurt her the whole sorority is going to be pissed at me, especially considering that Girl B's sorority sisters HATE Girl A for some reason. I feel like I'm in an episode of the Hills. I feel immature, not proud of what I've done and I don't know what to do.

I've kept both girls at bay, just trying to avoid any serious conversation (I havn't gotten into any physical relations either). I don't think I'm leading them on.

At the end of the day, I like Girl A more than I like Girl B.

Any advice would be great.

[dancingdoc2]

Have you read any of the articles listed in the Index over the past year?
Your posts all have a common theme, I'm wondering if any of the girls you have mentioned in the past are in your more recent discussions?

I'm also curious why you continue to have problems interacting with members of the fairer gender after several posts worth of ideas from members of the our community and an Index listing many helpful dating and relationship articles.

Originally Posted by stlou87

I'm in college...I work, I get good grades, my parents are proud.

On the other hand I play hard too. There's been a lot of drinking the past few months, and when I drink, I go girl crazy. I see myself do this and sometimes I don't like it, at the same time I have a lot of fun chasing girls, but sometimes it gets me into weird situations.

When are you going to stop imbibing? Seems like your situations would be clearer if you didn't drink.

In a nutshell, I was interested in this one girl for the longest time- for years and years. Earlier this month she expressed some interest in me, which is always exciting to hear. We ended up seeing each other in harmless situations...at the library, out at bar. Of course, after we had gotten to know each other, one night we ended up dancing at a club and we went home together and had sex.

She had to go home (she lives several hours away from school) for a family emergency for a few weeks. An important characteristic to note about her is that she is very hesitant to let guys in. I can never really get a read on her, and so I was second guessing myself when it came to her feelings for me.

What I get from your description is that you are second guessing her. A major point I make over and over is that a relationship is a partnership and key to a successful relationship is communication. If you want to know what is in her head or how she views something, you need to be able to ask and have a discussion. You can wonder, muse, guess, second guess, all you want and may or may not come up with the correct answer. Girls are typically very chatty creatures, so all you have to do in many cases is ask a question and stand back and receive reams of information.

I figured that our night together was a one-night thing and let it go. I was a little disappointed but ever since a bad experience with an ex I havn't let myself get too attached to anyone.

Why? Not letting yourself get close, be it you or her, is symptomatic of lumping every potential date or partner into the same category as those you have had difficulty with in the past. Please read what I have written about dating.

After she left, I drunkenly ended up going home with another girl I liked a week later.

Nothing wrong with that as dating involves lots of people and until you are ready to settle down and have found what seems to be Ms. Right, all relationships should be "open" and not exclusive. Exclusivity that people seem to need can be implied by behavior. This is what teens and young folks seem not to understand.

I'm wondering if all your dating activities involve booze. I'm wondering how much more you would enjoy them if you had not had the liquor.

Now this girl has been way more open with me about her feelings. It's only been a few weeks since we slept together and she's already telling me how much she's fallen for me. It's a little overwhelming because I don't know what to do. I like her but I'm not ready at all to commit to anyone, and the whole "love" talk has freaked me out a bit.

Well...the "love" talk should wait until you are certain about your feelings and this can often take months of dating. If you are not into your relationship(s) for several months, then most likely "love" is premature.

People can "like", "love", and then "be in love". These emotions differ in intensity, intimacy, and, are not all going to happen in this order with every person. I have have a twenty year friendship with a woman whom I love very much; however, I am not in love with her and so our relationship has not gone beyond this level of intimacy and involvement; not so with my better half!

At the same time, Girl A came back to school and has re-initiated things. She started texting me...a lot, dropping hints here and there about wanting to see me.

I guess I just don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be in between these two girls.

So, if you like her and want to explore a relationship with her--return her calls and DATE HER. It seems to me that you need to learn how to date and what dating is supposed to be about. Please read the articles on this topic listed in the Index.

Another problem is that Girl B is in a sorority, and I'm friends with a lot of her sisters. I feel as if I hurt her the whole sorority is going to be pissed at me, especially considering that Girl B's sorority sisters HATE Girl A for some reason. I feel like I'm in an episode of the Hills. I feel immature, not proud of what I've done and I don't know what to do.

All the more reason to act grown up. The sorority girls are being clickish and this is typical, particularly if older girls are still being influenced by the actions of younger girls who have yet to mature. In my never to be so humble opinion, all you can do is act adult and hope that the women you date will match your maturity. If they do not, move on, after all, this is partly what dating is all about.

I've kept both girls at bay, just trying to avoid any serious conversation (I havn't gotten into any physical relations either). I don't think I'm leading them on.

Talk to them. Tell each where you stand, what you want, and how they can participate. Ask each of them where they stand, what each wants, and how you can participate. Dating should be casual without any commitments until much later into a relationship. Stop thinking of dating as either A or B and being exclusive with one. Not yet. Go out with one or both, and feel free to add C or move on to C if A and B do not work out in the weeks or months ahead.

Dating should be fun. Dating should be educational. Do both with a clear head from now on. Drink if you must in moderation and not so much that your better judgment is compromised or you loose focus.

At the end of the day, I like Girl A more than I like Girl B.

Any advice would be great.

Comments?

[EvilEvilKitten]

STOP DRINKING.
&
STOP BEING EXCLUSIVE WHEN DATING.

There. Problem solved.

[sarah_rsl]

One of the problem with changing partners fairly often, is that if you keep doing it within your social circle it gets really messy.

You're 18 years old and have and seemingly have no interest in having a stable relationship at this point. There's nothing wrong with that so long as you're up front with your partners.

What I would suggest though is that if someone clearly wants a stronger relationship than you're prepared to enter into then you need to end it. Often they'll say they're happy .. but they're not really they're hoping you'll see the light and go exclusive with them.

I think you need to finish with both women, and try and establish relationships with women that are looking for the same thing as you. You're at college you have other stuff to be worrying about other than some drama that'll probably never result in anything.

[Rouge]

AND, if you like Girl A, go for her. Life is too short to live it for other people, especially sororities. It really will have nothing to do with you, they feed off drama for the sake of it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I have found that over-lapping liasons only become messy if you permit them to become messy. Refusing to discuss what was done or going on with who by whom is the first rule. One should always know when to keep quiet and when not to ask inconvenient questions.