her old boyfriends

[duh477]

This girl ive been starting to go out with has told me that her 2 old boyfriends are trying to get back with her and texting and calling her all the time. Is there any way I should handle this or should I just stay out of the way and tell her to be with whoever makes her happy? I dont know what to do?

[EvilEvilKitten]

This is her problem to deal with. None of your business at all. As far as you are concerned, they do not exist.

So, carry on as you normally would with her or any other girl.

IF she wants you do to something about it, however, that is a very BAD sign and you should get rid of her at that point.

[Brandye]

You do not even want to hear about it. You already know more than you should.

[lnt1103]

I disagree on already knowing more than he should, solely in the interest of full disclosure. Better methinks to find out about any ongoing contact attempts from the contact-ee than on your own or from another source. This way lines of communication stay open, and any questions get answered immediately rather than allowing time for them to fester.

But I do agree that it's her issue and not yours. She needs to make a decision and tell the appropriate guys to take a hike.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Piffle "Full Disclosure" when it really has nothing to do with him. Now if she had something that directly affected him, as in illness or disease, then she should tell him. But past bf's? Nope! That's no one's business but her own.

The thing is, being an adult - an independent adult capable and comfortable with making decisions and facing up to obligations REQUIRES that you learn what is your business and what isn't, then acting accordingly.

Along with that goes respecting the adulthood of your partner. You do not meddle in what isn't your business just as your partner doesn't meddle in what isn't his/her business. If he/she wishes to tell, fine; if not, also fine.

Frankly, wanting to know who is contacting your partner smacks of insecurity and mistrust more than anything else. If you go on asking/demanding to know what is none of your business - you'll lose whatever trust you've earned and so ends the relationship.

Nothing else matters but what goes on between you two.
If you two act like adults, then all should be well.

[Rouge]

In all honesty, if she's young she's probably doing it to get attention. Chances are that they aren't even contacting her and she's testing your reaction. I've known a lot of girls who did this type of thing.

[lnt1103]

When the one ex was refusing to stop contacting me, and it went on for so long and in so crazy a manner that I had to change my number, T had a right to know precisely why and any details he wanted. When I was getting unwanted text messages while sitting next to T, I felt he had a right to know whatever he wanted to know.

T was around as a friend at the time I was seeing the other ex, and therefore knew a certain amount about what an idiot he was. So when he tried to contact me a couple times in the beginning of my relationship with T, I felt he should know. I'm such a talker, that if I had mentioned it in passing later for whatever reason, I wanted him to already know the details rather than wonder why he was just now hearing of it.

He doesn't have to ask. I tell him everything. I'm an open book to T, and vice versa. He told me all about what went wrong with his last girl too--again, we were merely friends at the time, those things are natural topics in that situation.

[EvilEvilKitten]

So you had to change your number?That's not a huge deal at all.
I naturally don't have to anything remotely similar - just block the bastard, if you're feeling nice, or make sure he hears the sound of a shotgun being racked the next time he calls, if you're not feeling nice.

Either way, problem solved.

[lnt1103]

Cell phone companies can't block a specific person from calling you. Or at least they claim so.

He was an addict with too thick a skull to even notice anything anyone said that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

[EvilEvilKitten]

All males recognise that sound, Int and it isn't the cell phone company that blocks numbers it is you on your own phone that does it.

Don't you read your manual?