4 months in - sex isn't materializing

[Newtolove]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

Nice to hear from you, again, Simon.

You have a chance; shucks, we all do. It is all about creating the opportunity and then doing something with it.

yea I'm still knocking around, ah creating the oportunity ? eh, takes two to do that mate, if shes too shy to even deliberatly spend time alone with you (out that is) well looks like I'm barking up the wrong tree.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by ten years gone

I'm done trying to help girls and in turn looking like a clueless idiot. It's a real tough balance being an honest straightforward guy and not losing a girls attraction for you.

So this person is frustrating and exasperating and changes her mind on a whim or a lark. I've heard and also read on here much the same rebuff from women regarding men.

This is why dating and dating lots of people is so important. Dating often does yet should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Dating is all about discovery and we cannot discover very much about humanity if we begin and stop with just one individual.

By dating lots of people we weed out those who are not a good fit for us regardless of their personality or traits. You just move on to the next individual! and continue the process until Ms. Right enters your world. In the meantime, learn about the many characteristics, characters, likes, dislikes, quirks, morals, values, ideals, goals, and other things that are important to you and to each person and bank the information. Many people you date will not be "the one" for you, yet you won't know who is if you do not date lots of people.

So, enough self pitty, being frustrated, exasperated, and hurt. Get out there and begin lining up women to date, either more than one at a time, or, sequentially. How? Inform friends, family, and co-workers that you want to date and enlist their help in finding people for you. Join clubs or organizations in which woman participate and have the same interest(s) as you.

Where people run into difficulty is when they place all their "eggs" into one basket and then as each partner matures over the years, they find that they have different goals and agendas, likes and preferences. This is one reason the divorce rate is so high. We do not spend nearly enough time "shopping" before bagging {bedding?) and taking the goods home so to speak.

This is why dating non-exclusively is so advisable. There is an article on this listed in the Index that you should read and mull over.

[ten years gone]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

At this stage in most girls' lives, they crave excitment, something new, and oddly enough, something they can test their strength on. All of this is why the bad boys and the jerks seem to be most successful. But it doesn't last. Soon enough, the smart girls move from this juvenile stage into serious husband-hunting and they want straightforward honest men upon whom they can rely. Your time will come.

AKA I get their tired worn out bodies when they finally choose to value security over sexual excitement. Then we get married, pop out kids, and stop having sex and I get miserable. Fuck that. I'm not going to be a jerk, but I certainly am not going to try to help a person out like this again. If they're not suitable I'm out. I'm not your superman.

[ten years gone]

Also, yes I understand that she's not right for me, and I've cut her as much from her life as I can (we work together >.<).

I'll strive to be less eager to commit to the first pretty eyes that lay on me... I thought I was doing this but getting stabbed in the back seems to disprove that.. and I'll check out the sticky on non-exclusives.

I'll stop feeling sorry for myself now :P

Thanks.

[wet_suit_one]

Pay close attention to what the good Doctor has to say. There is wisdom in his words. If only someone had the brains to tell me what Doc just said when I was 17 or 18 I would be so much further ahead.

Be prudent and listen to the wisdom of your elders. They have fallen more than you and you can learn from their missteps and experience.

But enough about this...

[EvilEvilKitten]

And if you think my body is tired and worn and that I have lost all interest in sex WOW are YOU in for a shock!!!! Yes, married, kids, grandkids and LOTS of sexual fun!!!

You have REALLY got to open your eyes and pay attention to the world around you!

[pinkFlames]

Wow! Many women don't even start REALLY enjoying sex until they are 40 or older by then it's the men who are tired and worn out.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Not so, Pink! LOL
Most of why the older women enjoy sex so much is the sexual skill of the older men.

[pinkFlames]

Just turning the tables.

[EvilEvilKitten]

No problem with that.

Most youngsters think 'stamina' makes up for their lack of experience and skill but they're wrong. There's little to be gained by inept pounding away hour after hour if all she's going to get out of it is - sore.

Give me a man who has been run over by life once or twice however, and I'll show you a man who is ready and willing to become one of the best lovers possible. Because now he's mature enough to LISTEN to her and will read her body's responses.

Best advice for most men is to throttle back on the ego and give the lady some room to show you what she can do and what she wants.

Best advice for women: Cut loose and let him have it!