4 months in - sex isn't materializing

[Brandye]

Ten,

a phrase in an earlier post really gets my attention: "... and I'll put this one away." I hope I have misinterpreted because it really sounds like are looking for another mark to put on the head of your bed. If that attitude is coming through to her, you will find more resistance. If that came through to me, I would be gone in an instant.

[ten years gone]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Ten,

a phrase in an earlier post really gets my attention: "... and I'll put this one away." I hope I have misinterpreted because it really sounds like are looking for another mark to put on the head of your bed. If that attitude is coming through to her, you will find more resistance. If that came through to me, I would be gone in an instant.

Poor phrasing, it's not like that at all. I wouldn't invest 4 months and enter an exclusive relationship if that was all I was after. I don't roll like that. I'll continue to try to demonstrate this.

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by ten years gone

I agree that always bringing up sex is a sign of weakness.

It's not the always bringing it up that makes you appear weak of character. It's prioritizing it above her that makes you look that way.

You really need to get off this 'we should already be there by now' kick. Four months is a speck of sand in the grand scheme.

[ten years gone]

Slight Update. It's completely dried out sexually and she's been distancing herself from me. I've been talking to her about it and confronted her outright today... asked her if she wanted out. The basic result of the conversation was

1) She wants to have sex but she just doesn't desire it. She doesn't like making out with me because she doesn't like teasing me. Where it used to be that she wasn't comfortable with me yet, she now says she's comfortable and wants to, but it's now a matter of no interest or desire to have sex. She says she's very attracted to me.

2) I told her that it doesn't feel normal that she has no sexual desire whatsoever and told her she should talk to her doctor and counsellor about it. She's assumed that it's normal. I understand that some people (especially women) just desire sex less than others, but I wanted to see if we can help her low (or non existent) sex drive. I told her she can face this problem with me to help, or lose me and ignore it until it will eventually become an issue with the next guy down the line. I asked her if she's talked about it with anyone but she said she's too embarassed.

3) I told her that from now on we'd try something different when we're fooling around. Basically, she'll initiate the advances/progression from now on and I'll go with whatever she's feeling. My hope there is that we'll actually start doing these things again and that maybe she can breakthrough whatever is in the way if she doesn't feel as pressured. Though I'm worried that it's just going to equate to her never initiating in the first place.

That's where it is. I appreciate everyone's opinions. Even if you're just calling me a self serving horndog. I take an active interest in what I want, and I accept the judgement that might come along with it.

[CLVR-HNDS_GUY]

as they say, patience and waiting is the key to any good thing
maybe i would hang out more and do things so shes not thinking all you want is sex from her. I had a ex girlfriend who was a virgin until we started going out, i waited until she was ready and it happen soon enough
i say your girlfriend could be a bit scared to do it with her friends saying it hurts and things like that, that could be one of the reasons why your getting mixed signals from her, have you taken your girlfriend out to dinner and nice things like that, you need to show her that you care about her alot and are happy to wait to do things when she is ready.
i say she has been hiding from you a little bit from being a little bit forced about the subject
if i found a female who was a virgin and was waiting for the perfect time, i would wait and show some care towards her

[EvilEvilKitten]

WOW - you have gotten yourself one sadly wrought gf.
She wants sex but doesn't deisre it, is comfortable and attracted to you but no sex.
Excuse me? I take it you're blaming this on a low libido and you might be right but it sounds 'weasally' to me.

Remember: no Sir Galahad and you're not being exclusive but you're also not rubbing her nse in it either.
Scared or not - the gf has an issue she's not facing and fixing.

[ten years gone]

Originally Posted by CLVR-HNDS_GUY

as they say, patience and waiting is the key to any good thing
maybe i would hang out more and do things so shes not thinking all you want is sex from her. I had a ex girlfriend who was a virgin until we started going out, i waited until she was ready and it happen soon enough
i say your girlfriend could be a bit scared to do it with her friends saying it hurts and things like that, that could be one of the reasons why your getting mixed signals from her, have you taken your girlfriend out to dinner and nice things like that, you need to show her that you care about her alot and are happy to wait to do things when she is ready.
i say she has been hiding from you a little bit from being a little bit forced about the subject
if i found a female who was a virgin and was waiting for the perfect time, i would wait and show some care towards her

She's not a virgin, but she hasn't had sex for like 2 years. It sounds like she regrets losing her virginity to that boyfriend.

I understand the whole patience thing, HOWEVER, that was when she was talking in terms of comfort and familiarity. Now it's in terms of low sex drive, which I doubt is something we just break past once and then it's golden. It's probably bigger than that.

[ten years gone]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

WOW - you have gotten yourself one sadly wrought gf.
She wants sex but doesn't deisre it, is comfortable and attracted to you but no sex.
Excuse me? I take it you're blaming this on a low libido and you might be right but it sounds 'weasally' to me.

Remember: no Sir Galahad and you're not being exclusive but you're also not rubbing her nse in it either.
Scared or not - the gf has an issue she's not facing and fixing.

I fall into the habit of being the white knight a little too much.

What do you mean by I'm not being exclusive? You suggest I pursue other women while in a relationship with this girl? I kind of broke a personal rule of getting the sex running smoothly before entering an exclusive relationship. I did this because she just seemed more innocent and cautious. I figured a bit of time and effort and we'd be golden.

There's definitely an issue, whatever it is. It's been so many different things over the past few months. It's also really irritating that she won't even make out with me anymore. I need to stop talking about this because it's just pissing me off.

Anyways, as I said we're going to resolve it or I'll move on. She's booking an appointment with her doctor today and seeing her counsellor on monday. We talked about it alot and she understands how I feel. I just feel shitty leaving a girl I'm attached to feeling guilty and ashamed of something she can't help.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please read the Exclusive versus Dating Around sticky post found elsewhere in this forum.

You play the white knight all too often because you AREN'T playing around, thereby permitting yourself to get sucked into such personal dramas.

[ten years gone]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Please read the Exclusive versus Dating Around sticky post found elsewhere in this forum.

You play the white knight all too often because you AREN'T playing around, thereby permitting yourself to get sucked into such personal dramas.

Okay, I'll look into it.

I can't really back out of this now and start seeing other girls along with this one. I'm too attached to this one and we've already made it exclusive, ie I'd be a sleazeball. So it's do or die. Lovely. Thanks for your thoughts by the way, I've found your posts the most insightful, or at least the most in line with how I am.