Silly, Paranoid

[Loverboy19]

Maybe Im just silly or paranoid. I dunno. I got a story, sorry for the length but any insight would greatly earn my love and gratitude.

Well I have a relatively new girlfriend, we've been dating for alittle over a month now(I cant exactly remember when it happened) and I cant seem to rest my nervous little mind. I've dated a total of five girls but shes just...woah...amazing. So well Im afraid and/or not sure what to really do next with her.

God, sorry Im nervous as all hell, Im actually shaking while typing. Anyway I went out with her because I caught wind she liked me so I said she was cute too then sparks flew quickly. I took it slow with her at first, we only held hands on the first day but the second I invited her over to my dorm because she wanted to go to this big trip with me and a few of my friends. At my dorm, she practically pounced on me and we just ripped each other apart with passion. We left for the trip a couple minutes later and we simply held hands and stuff. After the trip was over the next day, I invited her over and we simply had sex for 3 wonderful hours. The next day we watched a movie and from then on shes been sleeping in my room with the occassional intercouse(Oh how I adore cuddling).

It wasnt till next week she invited me to her dorm(well did it there too) that I told her she was to be my girl to which she happily said yes to. FOr some reason though when people acknowledge(and they usually shout) that we're boyfriend and girlfriend we both suddenly feel awkward...Im not sure but we got that incommon, we just...dont really like hearing it. I've never been that way before, its strange. When we eat we both usually sit at different tables with we sometimes hug and kiss each other before one of us leave...sometimes we dont even acknowledge each other....strange. Shes very friend oriented, oh she gets her kicks being social and living it up around large groups.

Well it got worse, pregnancy scare. oh man did I freak but it got avoided.

Alone we light up the room with fierce intimacy but in public we simply kiss and hug then be on our ways...we havent even held hands since the trip. We're usually seperated between the hours of 10am to 11pm without so much as a call or text message. The only times shes loud and obnoxious about our dating is when shes drunk or slightly typsy then she parades about it and wont let me leave her side for a second(and if I did she shouts out 'wheres my boyfriend?!?) As days progressed we've had days where we simply talk from 12am to 6am at times. We say light compliments such as 'your amazing' and 'your one of the reasons I stick around this place'.

So ok recently, we had a lovey dovey couple of hours of us holding hands, kissing, hugging, and her holding my hand in public...we basically didnt let each other go even when people told us to get a room, Im not sure what brought on that event though when usually we're both so conservative around others. However we didnt have sex, she made sure her friend was alright(to my blessing of course). Next day we hung out in her room and kissed alot and I had to leave, we started texting saying we were horny so we set up a 'sex date' for tomorrow. We tomorrow came and she made sure I got down there and she wore a sexy get up and basically wasted no time when I got there. It was fierce kissing but embarrassingly...I couldnt get an erection, I was so....just...I hated my bad luck. She realized it was embarrassing and said 'Im just happy your with me' luckily after alittle I did and we had sex for about twenty minutes before someone obnoxiously banged on the door(then ran) and she was through because she was annoyed. Well I felt terrible because we were so hyped about it and it fell flat...and so I told her we're doing another tomorrow and shes for it...then we exchanged more words like 'your sweet' 'you make me so happy'. But I feel so...inadaquate that I couldnt pleasure her...

We have never fought, ever. I dont know anything we'd ever fight about even. We stabilize ourselves by constantly poking fun at and teasing each other(but we dont mean it). We usually play around by whose the dominate and whose the bitch of the relationship. Also poking fun at each other's differences(needless to say Im widely attracted to those difference). Also we've only been on two dates, we watched a movie together and i took her to a carnival.

My concern is, Im so frightened to show compassion in public or say any loving compliments because Im afraid she'll lose respect for me as the 'dominate male' and her believing I need her more then she possibly needs me. I might be paranoid...maybe Im such a loser I dont want to lose her. Im never met such a knockout before...but neveetheless, what should be the next step? What I should I do in this point of our relationship? Why are we so awkward to be with each other in public? What should I say to her?

Not sure how to progress...i mean Im really starting to get feelings for her.

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

I've read everything you said. You relationship sounds like it is only based around sex. Your relationship is not taken out of the bedroom. You two do not acknowledge each other in public, and do not call each other.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Holding hands should graduate to you offering her your arm and her taking it. Why? Because holding hands is both too intimate and too childish for adults in public. Other items: when opening doors transfer one hand to the door and the other to her back between the bra-strap and her rump.

Calm Down. She can smell the 'fear of losing her' on you. Research has shown this to be true. It is all sub-concious but she knows its there hence her possessiveness when tipsy. This will also help prevent you losing your erection which is 'just being nervous'. You have to exude confidence.

No more kissing, cuddling, and so on in public. Not like you have been doing. In public only such things as the 'eye kiss' and the 'finger caress' are permitted. Learn subtlety.

Finally, no more going over to her dorm for sex. That only occurs in your dorm. You escort her both to and from - protective male, you see and I don't have to tell you this is a dangerous world at night. Both of these moves sends the right masculine message to her.

If you want to be Papa Bear, you have to be Papa Bear.

[Loverboy19]

I thought the same RATED but I feel its more then that but thanks for reading.

EvilEvilKitten, your right, I like your ideas but one cant work. The reason she doesnt come over anymore is because she legitly cant so I got to go over there. She got introuble for being in my room after visitation and is not alllowed anywhere near my dorm for the rest of the year. If she gets caught again well...shes gone.

[EvilEvilKitten]

That is an issue certainly. But you have to be in control to send the right message to her and thus get the right response from her. You could do something as simple as to make her wait for sex from you but that can become a double-edged sword if you don't judge it quite right. Delay enough to get her focused but NOT so much that she figures you're more effort than you're worth.

[dancingdoc2]

> Not sure how to progress...i mean Im really starting to get feelings for her.

You progress by being friendly toward her, and, exuding confidence in your behavior, and, being friendly, all without being overbearing and forward and giving her and others the sense of being needy and clingy or possessive. To put all this into proper perspective--be her friend. Go about all this as you would with anybody you want to become friends with. Let the mutual admiration, lust, love and all, blossom by letting your friendship run its course. Do not try to push for results. Guide your relationship, do not push and shove it.

> Im so frightened to show compassion in public or say any loving compliments because Im afraid she'll lose respect for me

Where is the logic in this thought? If your spoken thoughts are out of love and concern then who in their right mind would be upset or offended by hearing kind and complimentary words? You are way over thinking and analyzing all this!

Now, if your comments are hurtful, disrespectful, inconsiderate, or, cruel, then you have a right to be concerned.

> as the 'dominate male' and her believing I need her more then she possibly needs me.

"Dominate male"? Listen up: A successful happy relationship is comprised of two autonomous adults who choose to live life together and form a relationship that is greater than the sum of its two parts. Needy relationships seldom work. A woman does not need to be dominated or steered. She is quite capable of living life on her own and being her own boss. The operative terms here are to lead and guide not steer by pushing shoving, goading, or, intimidation. "Leading" is the result of "guiding" which are the result of learning what each other wants and desires and then seeing to it that these things happen with her cooperation and approval. Your use of the term "dominate male" makes this sound like you are pushy and controlling.

> I might be paranoid...maybe Im such a loser

Yes, you seem to be paranoid. Loser? No--just inexperienced and anxious.

Confidence is acquired by acting your way to successful behavior. If you lack confidence, then take on the roll of an actor playing the part of a confident individual and be confident. Pretty soon you will be.

Be friends, be friendly, and let your budding relationship unfold in its own way and time. Let her know what you want and if she desires the same thing, so much the better. If not, then negotiate or move on. Lastly, just relax and be cool. As it stands right now, you seem to be on pins and needles because of inexperience in dealing with relationships. This is understandable because each one of us has been or will be where you are right now. This is a learning experience for both of you.

> I dont want to lose her. Im never met such a knockout before...but neveetheless, what should be the next step? What I should I do in this point of our relationship?

Ask her.

Also, understand that dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Chances are good that you will meet and date several other people over the next few years before Ms. Right comes along. Maybe this girl is her. Either way, do not be devistated if you find that things do not work out. If they do--great! If not, move on to the next person and try, again, and so on and on.

Why are we so awkward to be with each other in public? What should I say to her?

You are awkward because all this is new and unfamiliar. Take EEKs words to task and dial your enthusiasm and expectations back a bit, while continuing to be excited by her and all that she is and does (except for the drinking).

Lastly: explore and learn together; work as a partnership in cooperation and in a colaborative effort. Make your relationship a result of what the two of you do with and for each other; not to each other. Please read the article that discusses "Implied Consent" and boundaries then impliment this technique in how you lead.

Please familiarize yourself with the Index, found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Click on the site's Home page for even more information. Both of you should read all of the articles more than once, then discuss what you have learned.

Pregnancy scare: WHY? If you are having unprotected sex, then you should not be having sex, period, regardless of the feelings and desires involved. This is immature and irresponsible behavior for adult activities and possible outcomes. Please read the article dealing with birth control.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Loverboy19]

No questions here Pretty much puts it in perspective and a guide to refer to if I get antsy later on. Thanks