Warning Signs - Part One

[EvilEvilKitten]

Walk away and leave no forwarding address.
Answer no emails, calls, or letters.
Cut him out of your life immediately and completely.
Never look back and never give an abuser a second chance.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Sekcboi85

What would you recommend to someone who thinks they are being somewhat abusive and showing some of those signs but they admit to it and want to get help?

Point the person toward help then walk the other direction as noted, above. Give him/her encouragement yet do not have any further contact. Why?

As Dr. Phil has stated many times: "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." In order to determine if a person's behavior has changed, give them two years and then make an evaluation.

My worry is that they may change sufficiently for everyone but the person they were involved with. For me no person is worth that much worry. Move on.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Abusers are Obsessed People who need to be curtailed by law enforcement.

They aren't "misunderstood' or 'unlucky' - they are 'self-centered to the point of obsession'. You expect this kind of behavior in a two year-old but in an adult, such behavior is truly criminal.

And like most criminals, they want an easy life so they select their targets carefully, and then groom them into a person who will take/accept the abuse as 'what they deserve'.

I have never been in an abusive relationship. Such men have never even asked me out.
Proof they do have a sense of self-preservation and that they do choose their targets.

[SPeedY]

Doesn't get much clear than this. Plain English detailed.

[raunchy gal]

My husband has exhibited many of the warning signs outlined by EEK at the beginning of this thread.We've been separated almost 10yrs and he's wanted to reconcile with me many times over the years.He says he's changed but i know he hasn't.At the mere mention of divorce he gets defensive,changes the subject and slams the telephone down in my ear.He just can't seem to let me go,yet he says he loves me a great deal.I have told him that if he really loves me as he claims,then he should let me go.But he seems to have no intention of doing so.

[jessica roy]

my brother datted a girl named lisa some time back. She had been abbused as a child he was with her several months with no indication of her past abbuse. Till one night while they were having sex everything was normal, they were in missionary position. His arm got tired so he adjusted it moving it slightly upwards. His hand involentairlly touched a spot on her side chest, and her eyes flared from pleasure to fear. In a split second and she lashed out smashing him across the face and freaking out. It took him some time to calm her down during that time she would not let him touch her. After she calmed she explained her past to him he figured out then it was a latent reaction. A spot he may have touched a thousand times but that split second touch there trigerd a deep memory. It was about 2 days after that before she was comfortable relaxing around him again.

[EvilEvilKitten]

RG - you have evidence of his abuse of both you and your daughter - you DON'T NEED his permission or his aggreement to get a divorce.

NAIL HIM!

[rachelbad]

I myself have just recently kicked my husband out for domestic abuse....I am now a single mom of 6...yes i said 6...kids. But I took a stand for myself and my children....
However I am already involved with another man...and to be honest i already was before i kicked my husband out...he gave me strength that i needed to do what i did....
Unfortunately I am also paying the price for that too now cause my ex is telling everyone he can that i'm a whore...but I deal with it day by day...
I was married 15 yrs, and I don't consider it a waste cause of my kids and I still have a great body and spirit...and my real love will come one day...i'm hoping it's this man, but I may not be ready for that yet, too much healing i need to do first.
What sucks is that I am so frickin horny now all the time! Learning the art of self pleasure, so thanks to this site for that!

[sexgoddess1]

I have been abused from my cousin and my parents NO ONE should deal with abuse..I congradulate you and your children. just imagine if he raised a hand to your children your whole family has healing and it will take time. I am glad you have the support just be cautious and hope the relationship goes well after self pleasure if you feel safe with your new relationship go ahead and try it out so you dont always have to have fun by yourself it gets boring afterwards trust me...

[stipley]

thanks for good thread)