Alone

[Sesshomarulover261]

I feel so utterly alone right now. School has just started for me and I should be happy and busy right? No...I'm upset and lonely and feeling worthless. I have friends but we don't really hang out besides at school anymore so I feel very lonely when I come home. I used to be used to being alone most of the time but then I got a boyfriend and he has been with me almost all the time for almost a year.

Its hard to deal with being alone after always having someone with you. He doesn't go to school anymore so I have no one to walk me to class or walk around with me.

On top of everything I'm pregnant and I'm getting an abortion(NOT THE ISSUE, NO COMMENTS ON THIS) he is so preoccupied with other things that he can't even find the time to text me back or call me when were having a fight. I'm trying to talk to him about the abortion and he just completely stopped texting me. This is so hard for me you guys...I have never felt so bad in a very long time. I have no one...

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Sesshomarulover261

I feel so utterly alone right now.

The doldrums, huh? We all experience them at one time or another. What can you do about them?

* Find and cultivate new friends
* Volunteer as a candy striper at the hospital
* Look for a job
* Other

School has just started for me and I should be happy and busy right? No...I'm upset and lonely and feeling worthless. I have friends but we don't really hang out besides at school anymore so I feel very lonely when I come home.

How is you self esteem and your self confidence? Other than not having "company" around, are you able to be happy by yourself? This is an important question because if you say no and are relying upon others to "complete you" then you need to gain some additional maturity. People generally form relationships who are comfortable in their own skin, happy with themselves and then augment these qualities by connecting up with someone so that the sum total is greater than all of its parts.
I used to be used to being alone most of the time but then I got a boyfriend and he has been with me almost all the time for almost a year.

Its hard to deal with being alone after always having someone with you. He doesn't go to school anymore so I have no one to walk me to class or walk around with me.

See above. Do the above.

My wife was an Air Force "brat" and attended eleven schools in twelve years! She lived in different states, and, different countries, and had to develop twelve sets of new friendships. Add to all this the fact that she attended two different universities in two different cities, again, requiring finding new friendships and cultivating them.

After high school I moved away to attend college. This meant finding new friends. I then moved to another city a few years later to attend a different school. Then, I enlisted in the Army and moved around or had others around me come and go. Both of these situations required befriending or becoming friends. You are not alone, just experiencing the realities of life for the first time. Don't panic, become proactive. Get involved in school organizations and invite someone to join you for lunch, or, chit chat with those around you while having lunch. Friendships can be fostered this way.

On top of everything I'm pregnant and I'm getting an abortion(NOT THE ISSUE, NO COMMENTS ON THIS) he is so preoccupied with other things that he can't even find the time to text me back or call me when were having a fight. I'm trying to talk to him about the abortion and he just completely stopped texting me. This is so hard for me you guys...I have never felt so bad in a very long time. I have no one...

His behavior is typical of a teenager and someone in their twenties and has much to do with a lack of maturity. You can try talking with him, although, my guess is you will have to wait for him to grow up, unless you can get his parents to discuss his responsibilities with him. Not wanting to talk to you is his (most guys) way of hoping the problem will go away if they ignor it.

If you are fighting, then you are in the wrong relationship. Grown ups who are savy do not fight. Disagree, argue, maybe; debate and negotiate, yes.

Have you discussed your pregnancy with anybody? Have you considered completing the pregnancy and giving the child up for adoption to a couple who can provide for him/her and are unable to have children of their own?

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Browser]

You may also want to consider professional counseling services.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You are feeling alone, abandoned, and overwhelmed. All perfectly expected. You must realise that your hormones are in control and instead of your mind ruling your body, now your body is ruling your mind - esp. your emotions.

You are not bad. You are not evil. You are worthy of a good life.

Please understand that your bf is also overwhelmed. Men react to stress by hiding away in the back of their caves and sharpening spears - metaphorically speaking. This tends to limit their communication. Yes, just when YOU the lady need to communicate the most, HE is hiding himself away and not talking. It isn't so much a question of maturity as a question of primitive man and the imperative 'never show weakness'. I assure you that he is feeling the same way you are. But men operate differently.

The correct thing to do is to soldier on. After due thought, make your choices, set your course, and do not go off the path you have determined to be the best for you. This will be difficult as everyone has an opinion and would be happy to tell you what you should do. This is your life, OWN it.

But...you know me...what the hell were you thinking?!?!?!?!
Do NOT get pregnant again until you're in a stable loving marriage to a good and worthy man. BCPs and condoms. Okay, the smacking is now over.

You are not alone and women have made it through even worse situations intact. We're here if you need to talk.

[Brandye]

You have chosen to deal with this in your own way and it is up to the rest of us to respect that decision. Your b/f's becoming unavailable to you at this point is not unusual. I do not mean all men are jerks, only that some men are overwhelmed, as indicated by the BadCat, and simply do not know how to deal with it.

The Center you are dealing with for termination can refer you to support groups and counselor's who deal with these issues. Please ask for that help. You are going to make it and do well. Between here and there will be some rather dark days. Keep focused on your goals and, if your current friends are not rallying to your support, developing a new support network.

You are now in charge.

[Sesshomarulover261]

Before I say anything I want to thank you guys for not bashing me and for understanding my decision.

The pregnancy is a whole different issue...I mean...our relationship is so strained right now...then my lonelyness and he really did ignore me yesterday...

I was mad at him because of something that happened earlier and I said don't talk to me until saturday...well we still were arguing...I didn't really mean it...I shouldn't have said it but after awhile I really started texting him how bad I felt...and nothing. He said " You said saturday so I decided to leave you alone like you told me" ....

He doesn't understand how horrible I was feeling...alone, trapped, I felt like he didn't care about me or my feelings...I haven't felt that bad for a long time...the last time I had feelings like that I took it out on myself...it was a lot of trouble too.

He just left my house...no kiss or hug goodbye...nothing...but I got mad at him because he was talking about how "his friends aren't stupid, they know people fuck" ( I have a BIG problem with anyone besides me and him knowing we do anything, besides anonymously) throughout our relationship I have told him this so many times....that just really pisses the hell out of me. He has no freaking respect for me at all. I'm pissed!

Then I'm all alone at school...yes I have a problem with being alone...I feel self concious(sp?) and like a freak...I don't know why but I hate feeling that way...like there is something wrong with me...I have friends but were in completely different classes...and lunches...

I think I just had a breakdown...I started shaking and crying...I've never been like that before...it only lasted a few seconds but it scared me.

[lnt1103]

Take a few breaths Sesshy....you're going to be okay.

On the one hand, if we step back from emotions and take it from a logical standpoint, he's got a point about people knowing that people sleep together in general. Once a relationship gets to a certain point, people tend to assume it's happening. And here's the only reason I point that out: he thought he was helping you by saying it because, in his mind, that should explain away all your fears about people knowing. Again with the "men are more logical, women are more emotional".

HOWEVER, it obviously has not helped, and it does NOT give him the right to talk about it freely with them if you ask him not to. He has a responsibility to you, to honor your request.

IMO, the ignoring your texts thing, he was just being a brat. He was proving a 'be careful what you ask for' point. Which I think is a little bit of dirty pool if he knows of your aloneness issues. The two of you need to learn to communicate on a more mature level.

Good luck, keep us posted, listen to EEK, Brandye and Doc-they're always so level headed about these things. And breathe

[Brandye]

Please find someone to talk this out - counselling center, school nurse, women's health clinic, public health center - they can all put you in touch.

[dancingdoc2]

You're welcome, from me. We try to be nice and kind.

> Then I'm all alone at school...yes I have a problem with being alone...I feel self concious(sp?) and like a freak...I don't know why but I hate feeling that way...like there is something wrong with me...I have friends but were in completely different classes...and lunches...

I answered this, above. You make it sound like the friends you have are the only friends you can have. Why not find and develop friends from those on your schedule? One can never have too many friends.

[EvilEvilKitten]

NO, people do NOT have to know what people are doing. Not at all!
Your bf has not yet learned to keep his mouth shut about what is no one else's business. Discretion, discretion, discretion.

Stop arguing; yes this will be difficult but you MUST not argue. You are permitting your emotions to get out of control and this is not very healthy for you now. Remember, you are NOT alone. Millions of women have had children before you and many millions more will after you. The process is rather well known. Get yourself a good doctor and relax.

As far as your bf goes. Stop being emotional with him. It scares him. As calmly as you can, state your case ONCE and then shut up. Take the time to then LISTEN to HIM. You are seeking a middle way here. If he does not cooperate with this, then he is not the man for you.

You see, part of being adult is making your own choices based upon what is best for you and what gets you closer to living the life you want to lead. Right now it may seem to be two steps forward and one step back - very slow progress, but it will get you there eventually. If your bf is willing to be part of your plan, fine. But if he isn't, be prepared to say goodbye.