Should I let her ruin this opportunity

[JOshua]

Hi
I fell for a girl at my Church a few months ago.
I'm not sure if it was waht some people would call love, but I cared and still care for her very deeply.
She made it clear that she's not interested at all.
She's only 20 I'm 31
we met in this Class in My church. Hosted by the Pastor.
It's a very elite class.
I signed a contract saying no drugs, alcohol or premarital sex while i was in the class

It';s also a 45 min drive from my home, and I own a business.
plus she will be there. I really don't want to be around her at all b/c of the pain of rejection.
I am wondering should I let this be the straw that breaks the camel's back? and drop out of the class?
Am i being a coward for leaving the class, or am I being smart in protecting myself?

Anyways thanks for the advice.
--Joshua

[bayonet777]

dont let some girl get in the way of doing what you love hooah? i had that problem a few months back

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by JOshua

Hi
I fell for a girl at my Church a few months ago.

You are initially attracted to her. To "fall" for someone usually takes time, yet can be retroactive.

I'm not sure if it was waht some people would call love, but I cared and still care for her very deeply.

It is not "love"; intrigue, admiration? Perhaps. "Love at first sight?" This might happen, yet for it to have any validity, she must respond, favorably.

She made it clear that she's not interested at all.
She's only 20 I'm 31

If you have been reading any of the articles listed in the Index, or in the Forums, then you probably read where I describe dating as not beginning and ending with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. The purpose of dating is to expose ourselves to as many different personalities, characters, and characteristics as possible so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to recognize them as well as those attributes we like and value.

Dating should be open ended, not closed and exclusive until you are ready to settle down. So, she said that she is not interested in you. OK, move on to the next candidate. It's that simple and the way dating should be done.

The age difference is significant. For someone her age, the upper range should be about 23; whereas, with a person your age, the range can be as much as five years. At 40, you could comfortably date a 30 y/o. As it stands now, you are not only on different pages, you are in different chapters of your lives.

It';s also a 45 min drive from my home, and I own a business.
plus she will be there. I really don't want to be around her at all b/c of the pain of rejection.

You are overly invested emotionally at such an early stage. Dating is all about acceptance and rejection as we move from person to person. You are making too big a deal about this. The pain of rejection is real, yet there is a time for this which is after you have more invested in the relationship. From your account, there has been no relationship, only a question to which she responded.

My recommendation is to go and attend the class, be polite to her, smile, and, interact with her as you would with any other member of the class if you must; otherwise, do not get next to her or talk to her.

I am wondering should I let this be the straw that breaks the camel's back? and drop out of the class?
Am i being a coward for leaving the class, or am I being smart in protecting myself?

Asked and answered. What do you believe you need protection from?? You are way too emotionally involved, especially after she has expressed to you that she is not interested for whatever reason that may have absolutely nothing to do with you personally. She may be in a relationship, may have just ended one, may have other priorities at this time--whatever. So, while it might be a fact that her initial assessment of you is one of incompatibility, turning you down could be from any number of other reasons. There is absolutely no reason for you to be crushed or devistated or feeling sorry for yourself.
Please read the information I have written regarding dating. Just get out there and ask as many young women as possible over and over. Like any direct salesperson will tell you about their job, they experience many more rejections than acceptances, yet it only takes one "yes". If you require assistance with finding women to date, tell family members, friends, and coworkers that you are interested in dating and ask if they will help find someone for you. This is called "networking". The more eyes and ears you have working on your behalf, the greater your success.

Anyways thanks for the advice.
--Joshua

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Brandye]

You have lived fifty percent longer than she has. The difference between twenty and thirty usually includes much experience. If she does not to become involved with someone with that experience, that is her decision.

The way you word the question sounds as though you are quite selfish. She will not ruin this opportunity; only you can do that.

[Rouge]

If it's meant to be, nothing you do will stop it. If it's not meant to be, the same applies. Fear of dealing with rejection is no excuse to drop out of a class. Rejection happens; deal with it.

[lnt1103]

If you quit the class, don't try to blame her. It's YOUR decision. Own it. The way you've worded your list of issues, makes it sound like you're looking for an excuse that sounds more acceptable than 'this class just isn't my thing anymore'.

And by the way, it's completely and utterly OKAY for that class to just not be your thing anymore. And anyone at that church that tells you differently should look in the mirror next time they point fingers to 'inferior Christians'.

[dancingdoc2]

I did not look at the title earlier. This is an unsettling question.

Are you trying to become the boss of her? Is the question of possibly having a relationship with this person (or any person) your relationship only and not equally hers?

What is there for her to ruin? It takes two to Tango, and she stated she does not want to. There is no "opportunity" and even if there was, relationships or potential relationships are supposed to be equal partnerships.

Your title really bothers me and I wonder about your mindset when it comes to interacting with others and developing relationships.

Selfish? It sounds very domineering and controlling to me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

STOP being so LAME.

The lady said NO and that's the END of it.

Accept her deiscion and stop arguing with it. You are overly emotionally attached NOT to HER but to some fantasy in your head involving her and that is LAME, LAME, LAME. Forget the "if it was meant to be" - that's pure BS - this is your life - OWN it. Whatever you decide to do about the class - fine. DO NOT blame her for your decision whatever that decision might be.

As to how to behave in the class. Like an ADULT not some child wearing a man-suit. You know your manners - follow them. MEN deal with rejection all of the time and they just shrug it off - water off a duck's back. You should too. The worth of a man is proven in how he deals with adversity - and you're not showing yourself to be much of a man at this time.

Rise up and walk!

Doc - he views this Bible class as an opportunity and he feels that her presence will ruin it for him. Ideally, he'd like her to drop the class. Thus SHE is to live HER life for HIS convenience. HE should be ASHAMED of himself! Hence my kicking him in his head.

[Cool]

If you "care" for this girl then respect what she is telling you. Don't let this girl come between you and this class. You need to ask yourself why are you in this class? If, the answer is "the girl", stop going.

I really don't want to be around her at all b/c of the pain of rejection.

She have already said that she was not into you. Please move on.

[JOshua]

thank you for your support and admonishment.
I did leave the class but not because of her, eventually i healed and realized that she was completely wrong for me