New Girlfriend, problem with "friend"...

[ArenaX]

Hello to everyone, first post here, I'll jump right in with both feet. I started dating a girl a couple weeks ago, who has a friend that's liked her ever since they were in college together (out of college now). It looks like he's always been the "guy friend", that every guy so dreadfully fears being, to her. I've never had a problem with it, but she said that since she and I got together, he's kinda turned the heat up a bit, sending texts and facebook messages all the time, commenting on her pics about how beautiful she is, etc. She talked to him about cooling it about a week and a half ago, and he hasn't, so she told me today she was going to think about it and possibly ask for my help if she decides she can't handle it herself.

This guy is her friend, I don't want to be a total douche to him- is there a "nice" or at least polite way to let him know he can't keep doing what he's doing? I don't want to be rude if I don't have to, because they have been friends for a couple years and have mutual friends they hang out with and what not.

thanks everyone!

[lnt1103]

Well first can I say bravo for not being the jealous one. He should take a lesson or three from you.

Let him know that the problem is not that they're friends, or them hanging out together, or whatever. You know they've been friends for a while and you have no problem with that. The problem comes in when she asks him to back off and he won't. She has made a request and he needs to honor it out of respect for his friendship with her. "If you don't have a problem with it then why are we having this conversation?"...because she asked me to.

Disclaimer: keep in mind, I'm a girl and that's how I'd approach another girl LOL

[ArenaX]

Thanks, Int- that sounds great. I was actually hoping for either another guys perspective who has been through it, or a reply from a girl who could understand the situation, because my main concern is that I don't upset my girlfriend any more than she already will be if I have to have this talk. I think you hit the nail on the head with how I should approach it, thanks again!

[lnt1103]

The one thing to NEVER do, is ask her to decide between you. If she's anything like me, you won't like her choice, and her main reason will be because you're the one who asked. But you don't sound like the type anyway.

Ideally, she won't ask you to have the convo. By the time we're out of college, we should be able to handle these things on our own without BF coming to the rescue...no offense to you or her, but ya know.

If it's me, the one of you with the problem with the situation, won't have to worry about it much longer. That person can take a hike, because he's obviously not what I thought he was. There's no reason two adults can't respectfully coexist within the life of a third. Unless one of them is totally spazoid, and therefore wouldn't be accurately described as an adult.

[bayonet777]

i had this once except i was the one resolving it not the one involved lol the boyfriend did it well he was polite and kindly asked him to back off only problem was the 'friend' got angry and attacked the boyfriend it ended well after the friend cooled down after he spent a night in jail thanks to yours truly

[EvilEvilKitten]

Warning! Harsh words ahead!

What a WIMP! "Oh, honey sweety, there's this guy friend and he's getting all jealous and IDK but see, since I don't want to have to grow up and handle my problems myself because I want to be 'nice' all of the time and keep my image of being a sweety-pie intact - will you go and take care of this for me please??" *insert a lot of eyelash batting here*


Tis obvious, this guy was happy to 'be her friend' when she was alone - but once she got a bf, his little fantasy was blown and he has to compete.

Now, while you do not want to come across as 'unwilling' - you do have to consider how seriously you can take a woman who cannot handle a simple problem like this.

[lnt1103]

Well then one of us is interpreting OP wrong. I'm hearing that he doesn't care, it's the girl who's frustrated with it, and the other guy's not listening to her.

But you're right, she should be able to handle the other guy herself.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oh no, I'm sure he wants to help his gf out handling this mess and wants hints on to do that and why the guy's acting this way. The answer's simple - his being her bf busts the other guy's little fantasy that some day she'll cave in, recognise his sterling qualities and pick him..

But that's not my point. My point is he should not have to do anything at all and the fact that he's being asked is in itself a huge red flag.

[lnt1103]

Oh your previous post was about HER.....got it, sorry.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually, I think it would be great if he camped it up and said that TO her. LOL Frankly, I'd be most likely to say to her "You got two hands. Slap him yourself!"

Because nothing's more stupid than to watch two guys slapping each other.