anxieties of the pasts

[its_legal@16]

When I was at school i built up quite a reputation, a bad reputation, the majority of what people believe about me isn't true but it gets in the way of any new relationship, I was wondering of anyone had any advice of how to help eliminate or overcome the burdens of the past and show people that I'm not like that and help me get back out there again?

[dancingdoc2]

Change these and you change the world around you!

First, continue to show these three new character traits to the people you interact with or with whom you come into contact.

Second, talk to family, friends, and coworkers, and let each person know that you have adopted a new course in life.

Third, work on developing new friendships. These relationships have a clean slate from which to begin.

Fourth, repair any damage from the past; work on building a better future with everybody concerned.
"Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior." You cannot change the past; however, you can work to change how people predict the future concerning you. How long will it take? "Until." Just keep plugging away at this and eventually people will see the changes you have made, are making, and, they will be more interested in interacting with the new you.


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I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Try to fix the damage you have done. Talk to the people who have issues with you. Just tell them you were wrong and you are truly sorry.

Listen to dancingdoc2 because his advice is the best!

[its_legal@16]

thanks people. university is meant to be fun, but when everyone remembers you as the 15 year old school boy i was, it doesn't really help things

[EvilEvilKitten]

First - what school? Second - why are you still hanging around there?
The essence of life is forward not backward.

The past is over and done with - period. And it can be used as a useful selection tool once you have cleaned up your act and become the fine man you were supposed to be from the start. How so? Because if after getting to know you at all, if she runs away after hearing about your past - she's not the one for you. Let her go.

Of course this depends upon what you did in the past. Things like abuse, murder, torture, being psycho/sociopathic, inducing others to suicide through bullying, being in a gang/Mafia or with a warlord in Africa - some things cannot be overcome. Sorry, but there it is.

But it is the usual run of stupid teenage doofus stuff - yes, you can overcome that. All teens are periodically boneheaded.

I know it is fashionable to go back and apologise but DON'T. Re-opening wounds doesn't do much good and confession is unworthy because it doesn't change what happened and only makes you feel better while making the other person(s) feel worse - like they have to forgive you or something when they may not want to. Sorry again, but it is up to you to deal with your past on your own time not anyone else's.

My advice:
Fix yourself and fix your life now.
Keep your mouth shut.
Get on with building a decent life.
Wait for the right woman and not just any woman.

[its_legal@16]

wow you're blunt. i went to a single sex grammar school, i don't hang around there any more but i still know a lot of people from my sister school, and it's nothing as bad what you said, i was a teenager not some hardened 40 year old drug lord come mercenary.

[lnt1103]

...then her point is to move forward.

I randomly ran into a girl from middle school after I was out of high school. She asked for my phone number and when she called, it was to perform the 'making amends' step of her 12 step program. Apologizing for all the crap in middle school that kids do because they're kids. I acknowledged that this was an important thing for her recovery and wished her well with it, but told her that we'd been in middle school, and kids do stupid stuff.

Learn from your past but don't spend too much time mourning it, or it will do you in. As a wise person once said, 'don't waste too much of today worrying about yesterday, or you could miss tomorrow'.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Precisely - Let the past go and get on with living your life.

[its_legal@16]

yeah but im not sorry for what i did and who i was, i did nothing wrong. it was their selfish and immature outlook then led them to view me in such a way, so its getting them to change that now stereotypical view of me so many of the people i know now hold, and its spreading like a virus, setting its self deep into peoples' minds and they wont let go of it

[lnt1103]

If they won't let go of it, you need to let go of them. Instead of trying to change the perceptions of the people around you, change the people around you. Someone once told me, do what you gotta do to make your own life work for you, and screw the rest of 'em, because their issues are precisely that....THEIRS, not yours.

Get friends who appreciate and love you for who you are, instead of who they think you should be. The latter isn't real love, it's loving to make you feel like crap, and who needs that.