potential time limit

[jdogripz]

Six weeks ago I got into my first relationship at camp on the east coast. We got as far a making out, and then camp ended. I live on the east coast and she lives on the west. I am 14 and she is 16. I have a chance to see her for a few more days soon, but i don't know if we will be able to see each other after that. I want to get at least a hand-job from her before we break up. How can I try to proceed to the next phase in our relationship? Are we too young to do that kind of stuff? Is it wrong to try to go that far this soon into a relationship? Should I try to stay with her or break up with her?

any other advice is welcome
please answer soon. my time is running out.

[dancingdoc2]

> I am 14 and she is 16. I have a chance to see her for a few more days soon, but i don't know if we will be able to see each other after that. I want to get at least a hand-job from her before we break up. How can I try to proceed to the next phase in our relationship? Are we too young to do that kind of stuff? Is it wrong to try to go that far this soon into a relationship?

Are the two of you too young? I don't know, much depends upon your maturity and at your ages, you still have a lot of developing to do. It is not so much that you are young as much as you have not had sufficient time to develop a really meaningful relationship upon which to have a sexual component to it. In short, it is way to early in any relationship to do more than make out. Don't rush. Take it slowly and learn that there is much more to sex than getting your rocks off--much more.

> Should I try to stay with her or break up with her?

You do not necessarily have to break up; however, maintaining anything more than a penpal or keyboard relationship via E-mail is unrealistic at your ages. She is older, more mature, with more life experience, and, has different interests than you at this time along with a life and friends 3,000 miles away that you can not participate in. When you get back to school, work on developing friendships there with the people around you.

Also, please familiarize yourself with the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful as well as how-to articles that address the most common interests people have. If you click on the site's Home page, you will find additional information.

If you were my child, I would not permit you do date until you were at least 17! Why, because up to this point a young teen has not yet developed sufficiently emotionally, responsibly, and physically. Even though you have gone thru puberty, this does not mean you are an adult; it only means you can father a child.

There are stages of development that each person goes thru during their teen years and you are at or soon will be at the one where you hang out with primarily other boys. Sometime later, you will be socializing in a group containing both girls and boys. Later, like at 17 or so, you will still have guy friends, yet a kid's primary interest is with the opposite gender. Do not bypass these important stages of socialization and development.

It is too soon IMHO for kids your age to date and especially date one-on-one. Do things for the next year or so as a group of four or more. When you do date girls, please make them open non-exclusive relationships. By being able to date more than one girl at a time, you can have all the perks without all the drama and trauma that comes form being exclusive with one person. There is an article in the Index that explains this in greater detail.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. In addition to reading the articles in the Index, please familiarize yourself with the FAQs, and, the Posting Guidelines section.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[jdogripz]

thank you for replying quickly. i was just confused as to what i should do. My brother got intimate pretty quickly with his girlfriend at my age and i didn't know if that was common.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The fact that you said (and I quote) "I want to get at least a hand-job from her before we break up." proves to me that YOU are FAR too young to enter into ANY kind of relationship - period.

[dancingdoc2]

You're welcome.

> My brother got intimate pretty quickly with his girlfriend at my age and i didn't know if that was common.

This reminds me of a story about a young boy who asked his mother "where did I come from." Taken aback, the mother launched into a long discussion about the birds and the bees. When she was done, she asked if he had any questions to which he replied: "I just wanted to know if I came from Buffalo or New York City."

"Common" in this situation probably has more to do with the cultural norms in the area where you grow up as well as the morals and values taught to you. What kids do who grew up in the inner city and perhaps influenced by gang mentality will probably be vastly different than what a teen decides is right and proper who grew up in America's heartland.

When a boy is 13, 14, or, 15, his hormones are raging and ruling his thoughts and often his behaviors. It can often take a lot of will power and principles to squelch "animal behavior", yet most of us do maintain control. Keep in mind that boys in your age range are more interested in getting their jollies than in the more adult emotional aspect of romance. Girls, not so much. They have a much different view of sex and romance than the typical male. If you are going to have intercourse with a girl, make it for the right reason, not physical pleasure. You may be interested to learn that a great h/j & b/j can give you more intense pleasure than intercourse which does more for a person's emotions and psyche. So, stick with these for the time being.

Another reason for saying than your age makes a difference right now is in whether you are in the 8th, 9th, or 10th grade. In addition to different levels of maturity is the fact that if you are not in the same grade or at least in the same school, your experiences, attitudes, outlook, will all be different from one another. Sex and fooling around are not enough.

I understand the novelty, being curious about each other's body, what feelings are involved, and just what intercourse is like, yet you have a lifetime to find out. If you limit your excersions with a girl and go no further than Foreplay, then you will appreciate sex more when you are a few years older and better able to grasp all aspects of the activity. Mother Nature plays a cruel trick on us by giving us the ability to procreate at an early age, yet not fully appreciate the act until much later.

I recommend reading the articles in the Index that deal with dating and making out. Acquiring information is empowering.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?