19 & 31

[rosebanks]

Hi, so it may be a commonly asked question of sorts, but id still like some feedback,

i have myself a date lined up, im 19, hes 31.. im completely comfortable with his age, im just wondering how old is too old for a girl my age in your own opinion ?

Thanks

[blackknight]

Originally Posted by rosebanks

im completely comfortable with his age,

I think you've answered your own question!

[rosebanks]

but i also asked a question, What is YOUR opinion on that situation?

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by rosebanks

im completely comfortable with his age,

Thanks

You asked .. you answered...

Why is it important to you to know what age gap you "should" be dating ?

[dancingdoc2]

21 is the long and the short of it.

The two of you are at different stages of life. Another way of stating this is that you are not only on different "pages", you are in different "chapters".

If you were 25 then I'd say 31 is not too much of a difference.

If you were 35 then I'd say 45 is not too much of a difference.

I recommend looking beyond the initial attraction and investigate ideas, attitudes, goals,
objectives, etc. and compare his to yours. He simply has much more "life" under his belt and this gives him a different slant on the world and the people in it by comparison.

[PH03NIX]

maybe he is a little ''older '' for you but whatever ... if you are completely comfortable, stay like that...

men are like wine, the more older they get... the better !

[dancingdoc2]

Although I took some editorial license with "pages" and "chapters", I believe it is unrealistic to compare men and their abilities to relate to wine.

I beg to differ with your opinion on the long term suitability of this age gap for anything other than a casual friendship, and for exactly the reason stated: the physical attraction and the mental attraction my be enticing at first; yet as the relationship ages, he will likely tire of her relative naivety and she will likely be unable to cope with his more mature outlook on life and the world in general.

[PH03NIX]

I respect your opinion but things changed. we are in 2009 and many couples stay together no matter the difference in age, is no longer a ''taboo''.. plus she is happy with this man.Yes, mental attraction my be enticing at first.. but she is an adult and she know what she wants and what is better for her.

[KAT0]

While they say "age ain't nothing but a number," there are many variables that should help you determine whether or not you're making a good decision. After reading dancingdoc and PH03NiX's replies, I can say that both bring up great points. While your focus is primarily age in this thread, I must ask if you're also comfortable with other things.
Bringing up dancingdog's point, these are two different stages. What I think you should take into greater consideration is whether or not he is what you're looking for. If it's something longterm you're aiming for, make sure he is as well.
Whereas my agreement with PH03NIX takes another route. If this is something you're curious about and would like to try, that is totally up to you. If in the end of this "trial" you both mutually end up wanting to take it further, then by all means go for it. Just be careful if short term is the case. Like I said, consider those two factors.
It may seem like a huge gap, but it's all up to the individuals. A scenario like yours isn't entirely unheard of. I know someone in more or less than same situation you're in and they're about to have a child (not saying that's what you're aiming for). My point is, anything is possible. And if you want to figure something out, it's always better to give it a try than be left wondering what it could have been like.

Best of luck to you, and I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by PH03NIX

I respect your opinion but things changed. we are in 2009 and many couples stay together no matter the difference in age, is no longer a ''taboo''.. plus she is happy with this man.Yes, mental attraction my be enticing at first.. but she is an adult and she know what she wants and what is better for her.

This isn't about 'times changing' or taboos. If you search the site for other postings by Doc, I think you'll find he could give a crap about taboos.

This is about maturity level, and Doc is absolutely correct. I've been that 19 year old girl, the only difference was he was 29 and a father already, but that doesn't matter. I remember the night he actually spoke to me as if I were a child. I was so tempted to tell him I wasn't *insert his daughter's name here* so he'd best watch his tone.

OP is not remotely who she will be when he's this guy's age, and he's not remotely who he was when he was her age. They are completely and totally at different places in their lives--to such an extent that any attempt at a relationship is doomed. It's not even worth the time or energy.

And, oh, by the way, am I honestly the only one here who sees a red flag in the fact that a 31 year old man wants to date a 19 year old girl?????