19 & 31

[Brandye]

There is no question why you may be interested in a 31 year old. There is serious question why a 31 man is interested in you. Sex? I am with Int1103. And with Doc on 12 years is no big deal in middle age but for a teen, 12 years is a lifetime.

[KAT0]

Not to rain on your parade, lnt1103, but not all guys are alike. That includes older.

My former stepfather, who is now 36 met with a 21 year old banker. Now, that's an even greater gap than the OP. Obviously, they are also in different stages of life, but they figured out a mutual point in which they both overcame that difference. They may not be the perfect couple, but I have yet to come across one. It's all about willingness to make things work. And as I said, they're even going to have a baby- something he never talked about, but now something he's become more than willing to do.

I, myself, dated an older woman with a daughter. She, too, treated me as though I were a child, so I know what you mean when you say that. And I bothered me, I won't lie. Regardless, it's not something I regret. Each experience has been a stepping stone to finding what I was looking for.

Again, it's really 50/50, and it all depends on what you both are looking for.

[dancingdoc2]

If she know what is better (or worse) for her, why post the question?

Legally, a person may be an adult at this age, however, just because a child has passed thru puberty sometime between 12 and 15 doesn't mean she/he/they are mature enough or have enough life experience to be parents.

The transmutation or changing from a child into an adult is a decade long process. The last part of this change is the development of the frontal cortex of the brain. In a major leap forward is then having the ability to see around corners and understand the consequences of our actions.

Teenage love is real yet most people learn sooner or later that these loves are not the people they ultimately want to settle down with long term. We see things differently and have different priorities at 22 than at 19 than at 16 than at 13. At eleven I wrote Santa stating that I wanted to become a fireman. I do agree and wonder what beside a booty call a man in his thirties wants with an idealistic teenager.

A major reason this site exists and works so well is because of the advice and recommendations people give who have literally "been there, done that" and live to tell in order to pay it forward and hopefully make life better and easier for those who are coming up thru the ranks.

> PH03NIX: I respect your opinion but things changed. we are in 2009 and many couples stay together no matter the difference in age, is no longer a ''taboo''..

This argument has been stated with each generation and with each changing decade. "Couples stay together for the kids". This just isn't good enough any more.

> she is happy with this man.Yes, mental attraction my be enticing at first.. but she is an adult and she know what she wants and what is better for her.

And therein lies the problem. Today, I'm sure she is happy. This is the first stage of most relationships.

And, that she is an adult and knows what she wants is also a valid and true statement, today, based upon her experiences and what she knows so far.

Adult? Legally, yes. Maturity? She is still a work in progress. Becoming legal in the eyes of the law does not automatically mean a person has had all the world's knowledge infused into his/her brain. If so, this site would cease to exist. Older adults in college would be a thing of the past.

I wonder why the argument for this age gap is seen as OK yet when a 22 y/o young man dates a 16 y/o (legal and "adult") in some districts is seen as wrong. Legal or not is the issue of maturity--after all this girl is an "adult", right, and she knows what is best for her, right. PH03NIX, your comments show little understanding for how people grow and mature throughout life.

[dlb]

Outside of sexual desire there is not much that most 31 year old men and 19 year old women have in common. There is a large disparity in life experience. 29 and 41, 39 and 41, 49 and 61 are all more doable.
In the end you are the one who decides.

[lnt1103]

Thank you, Brandye, I was beginning to think I was either much older than I already feel, or reverting back to my goodie-goodie years.

[monica8]

She is not a girl, is a woman...I support PH03NIX.....A woman of 19 could have more maturity than other person with more age...the maturity does not depend on age.....If you have a problem with someone older than you in a relationship.. dont means that this is going to happen with her...she must know well this man to know what they really want...

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by monica8

She is not a girl, is a woman...I support PH03NIX.....A woman of 19 could have more maturity than other person with more age...the maturity does not depend on age.....If you have a problem with someone older than you in a relationship.. dont means that this is going to happen with her...she must know well this man to know what they really want...

I tend to disagree with the maturity issue after reading some previous posts from other threads.....

[constantlylearning]

I agree with Int1103 and Doc's take on this whole scenario............think long and hard about this one.

[liddo]

I'm 21 and my husband is 37. It took him a bit of getting used to but I was always fine with that. Really you just need to talk to him and see how he feels and explain how you do. It should be fine.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You're asking for my opinion?
Okay.

Whatever works for you.

But think for a moment and ask yourself - why isn't he playing with women his own age?

Just something to consider. Because there is only one legit reason = to have children but then at 31 women his own age can have kids. So that just leaves the less than legit reasons.

1. taking advantage of innocence/ignorance
2. retaining control/power
3. running away from adult judgment
4. worship of youth

Yes, I know - sounds horrible but - if you think before you leap - there's less pain in the end