Very frustrated....

[Shnitzel]

I have been having sex every since i have been 15 and im 21 now. To be honest i have never had an orgasm in fact, i have never even cummed with out a vibrator. I have been talking to a lot of my friends and this is making me very sad....whats wrong with me? girls cum all the time to a guy and only a guy why do i need a vibe? If you can help me in any way, give any advice please lend it and i will listen. Im on the verge of breaking down! a 15 year old girl knows more about her body than i do.

And also this might seem dumb, but should i maybe go and try to find a man that is very experienced to help me with this problem i have?

Oh and this all fits together because i feel bad for my next boyfriend, because he wont be able to please me with out a toy and i really want to break that habit to have a better relationship.

[maupassant]

Hi...maybe you are worrying about this too much and advice from a professional might help. On the other hand, maybe steering clear of the toys for a short while, and then try having sex with a guy who can spend time on YOU and wait for your guidance as to when to go in and bring you off normally with his penis.

Originally Posted by Shnitzel

I have been having sex every since i have been 15 and im 21 now. To be honest i have never had an orgasm in fact, i have never even cummed with out a vibrator. I have been talking to a lot of my friends and this is making me very sad....whats wrong with me? girls cum all the time to a guy and only a guy why do i need a vibe? If you can help me in any way, give any advice please lend it and i will listen. Im on the verge of breaking down! a 15 year old girl knows more about her body than i do.

And also this might seem dumb, but should i maybe go and try to find a man that is very experienced to help me with this problem i have?

Oh and this all fits together because i feel bad for my next boyfriend, because he wont be able to please me with out a toy and i really want to break that habit to have a better relationship.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles. The site's Home page contains additional information.

> To be honest i have never had an orgasm in fact, i have never even cummed with out a vibrator. I have been talking to a lot of my friends and this is making me very sad....whats wrong with me? girls cum all the time to a guy and only a guy why do i need a vibe?

What are your girlfriends telling you?

Please clarify; your statement above is confusing. You state you've had an orgasm and then in the next breath that you only have them with a vibrator. (I am going on the presumption that you only have them with one and never during intercourse.)

You require a vibrator because this is probably how you started out masturbating, or, if not, what you transitioned to because fingers weren't working. Maupassant is partially correct, recommending that you shy away from vibrators and their intense sensations. It are these intense sensations that have dulled your senses so that fingers do not have the affect desired.

There is an article on all this listed in the Index. Please read the entire thread.

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

Once you have given up the vibrator except for special occasions and retrained your brain to be responsive to the weaker sensations of your fingers, you can then go on and show a boyfriend what is required.

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

> If you can help me in any way, give any advice please lend it and i will listen. Im on the verge of breaking down! a 15 year old girl knows more about her body than i do.

A fifteen your old girl probably did not have access to a vibrator. However, there are other variables to this: first, is that girls learn to masturbate as a result of conscious effort, unlike with guys; second, girls often learn long after puberty, if at all; third, some expect that guys will just give orgasms to them. The latter is completely incorrect. Each person, male and female is responsible for his/her own orgasms. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them. Lastly, learning to masturbate is more difficult for women to master and not every woman can climax. (There are articles on this topic, also.)

> And also this might seem dumb, but should i maybe go and try to find a man that is very experienced to help me with this problem i have?

ABSOLUTELY--not! and for two reasons. First, most guys are not trained to teach a woman about things that are uniquely in her domain; second, most guys know a lot about male masturbation and precious little about a woman's or her physiology. As noted in the article, you must go on another adventure of self discovery and learn how to bring about your climaxes from your fingers.

> Oh and this all fits together because i feel bad for my next boyfriend, because he wont be able to please me with out a toy and i really want to break that habit to have a better relationship.

WRONG. Sex is not all about orgasms. If you read the other articles in the Index on female orgasms you will learn that not every woman can achieve them. That said, how is she satisfied? Answer? Emotionally. You already know you can climax, all you have to do is to learn a different technique that is less intense.

You can break that habit in a few weeks of self schooling. Now, go have fun by yourself and do not become frustrated. This is a learning process that does require some time and effort on your part. Begin by doing your "homework" reading the articles, above, and any others that interest you.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Brandye]

First, a fact check. One-quarter of all women never experience orgasm. And half of all women require some stimulation other than penetration and thrusting to reach orgasm. We lie, too, only not quite as much as men. A woman in the stirrups in my office last week burst into tears. When we got her settled she said she had been faking for fifteen years.

Do not feel badly about yourself, that will not help. You have not gotten there yet but you are better off than a quarter of the women you see on the street. The teen boys I recall from those years, knew less about my body than I did. They were not much help. I have encountered some klutzes in older years, too. The improvement is that I now know the difference.

Get the book Our Bodies Our Selves and figure out how you work. Your orgasm is yours, not some lads.

[Shnitzel]

Wow thank you all for posting, actually last night i did read about masturbation, finding the gspot etc... as you can see i really want to find an answer to my questions, i even gone as far as asking friends about how they go about it. I guess i dont need to get so stressed, its just a lil hard bc im trying and im trying and some guys says he can give me an orgasm! but i cant do it myself! But you are right dancingdoc2, its for me to find out how to reach it and not for a man. Im going to read the articles you posted and see if i can gather more information.

On a side note i have talked to 5 women and they all said they have never found there g spot but there partner at the time did, is that normal?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually, I disagree with Doc on one point - there ARE men who are extremely good at helping a woman achieve orgasm. They listen to a woman's body and follow her responses; they study anatomy and they practice, practice, practice. But I will admit, they aren't all that thick upon the ground.

My advice - assuming the absence of psychological and/or medical issues- is to RELAX. Relax every fiber of your body and focus your mind upon only one thing - THIS WILL FEEL GREAT! or THIS MAN WILL PLEASE YOU. - then let the sensations roll on through you savoring each one as it comes and goes utterly relaxed but yet aroused. To help this - go do The Program.

Those who tense up. Those who worry. They are the ones who will not orgasm.

[Shnitzel]

I am trying to learn how not to worry but i just don't know how not too do that. I close my eyes, i try to clear my mind but in the end i touch myself and get nothing out of it and bc i don't then i get frustrated, and worried i will be a 40 year old who still has not reached an orgasm! or cummed with out a vibe.

On a small side note, is cumming and having a orgasm the same thing? or is it the same men and different for women? No one has been able to answer that question.

[Brandye]

Yes, cumming and having orgasm are generally the same thing. The male ejaculation usually comes as part of his ejaculation.

The oldest patient I encountered for her first orgasm was 54. I have had a few who experienced the first orgasm in their thirties - after having a few children. If they are physically able at 35, they were physically able at 15.

Do not clear your mind, get focused on the most romantic or exciting things you can think about.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Actually, I disagree with Doc on one point - there ARE men who are extremely good at helping a woman achieve orgasm. They listen to a woman's body and follow her responses; they study anatomy and they practice, practice, practice. But I will admit, they aren't all that thick upon the ground.

OH YES, I agree that they exist. Finding them tho is like singling out a tree from among the forest. In this age range, however, these fellas may be few and far between and the search is likely to add more frustration to what already exists.

My advice - assuming the absence of psychological and/or medical issues- is to RELAX. Relax every fiber of your body and focus your mind upon only one thing - THIS WILL FEEL GREAT! or THIS MAN WILL PLEASE YOU. - then let the sensations roll on through you savoring each one as it comes and goes utterly relaxed but yet aroused. To help this - go do The Program.

And, following the suggestions in the how-to article on learning how to masturbate.

Those who tense up. Those who worry. They are the ones who will not orgasm.

It is important to practice when you are "cool, calm, and collected", can indeed relax, and are not going to be distracted by activities inside or outside the home.

> On a small side note, is cumming and having a orgasm the same thing? or is it the same men and different for women? No one has been able to answer that question.

Yes, "cumming" is the slang term for having an "orgasm" or "climax".

Orgasms are orgasms, although, from all the research and study, and, discussions over the years, male and female orgasms manifest themselves differently. In addition, some women can enjoy different types such as from the G-spot, or from the stimulation of other areas--not just the clitoris. These are bonuses guys can only imagine and dream about.

Female orgasms seem to be much more internalized than they are for men and this often begs the question: "did you cum, yet?" In addition, the physical experience tends to be much more diffused involving the entire body. Sensations for the male orgasms are usually localized in the penis. Of course, there is also the male ejaculation component. The two are separate entities yet 999 times out of 1000 or so, an orgasm immediately follows the start of an ejaculation. It is possible to have an ejaculation without much of an orgasmic experience and vice versa. Separately, each is less intense.

Female orgasms can take many forms and can sometimes be triggered from different spots within the vagina. It's not always just about the clitoris. Orgasms can be mild, earth (bed?) shaking, rolling, pulsating, etc. The clitoris and penis share a common origin and are structurally similar; although, the clitoris does not have a urethra, is physically much tinier, and, its shaft is buried between the folds of the upper vulva.

There are as many nerve endings in the Glans of the penis as there are in the Tip of the clitoris--they are just much closer together in the clitoris and this fact makes the clitoris much more sensitive to touch and stimulation! For males of the species who have a foreskin, you can get a small idea of just how sensitive the clitoris is by exposing your Glans and rubbing it. For those of us who were circumcised as infants, we can only guess.

As fantastic as most orgasms are for most people, it is possible to have two or more in succession. After each climax comes a brief "refractory" or recovery period. This is a very short time in women, often lasting moments to minutes. Women can often enjoy many more orgasms in a row than guys can. For guys, depending upon age, sex drive, and "wiring", the down time is typically ten minutes to thirty minutes for those of us some distance removed from puberty. Guys are usually limited to three maybe four orgasms a day whether they come one after the other and/or are spread out over a twenty four hour period.

There is much to learn about the subject as it pertains to both genders. The Index contains links to several articles.

[tntitans21399]

I think I read some where that a lot of girls, and I think it is majority of girls can't have a orgasm from just penetration. A lot of girls need some type of clitoris stimulation. Maybe next time a guy is in u you can reach down and rub your clit and then you can get off with him in you. I know for the girls they wish they could get off like a guy does during sex, but the two bodies are different. You could also have him go down and give you one and then start having sex because then you are warmed up and it might not be as hard to get the second as the first.