Dating depression...

[SadisticEuphoria]

Hey,
So I dated this guy for not long (he was my first bf, first kiss, first anything), it wasnt a very good relationship, but we ended up having sex one night. I don't know why, it seems stupid but at that specific moment I would have given him the world & I felt like I was in love with him. Now I realise I wasnt. I wasn't pressured, he didnt even suggest it. I did, it seemed like the right thing to do & it was his first time as well.
He broke up with me for his ex-gf, though they didn't get together & for a couple of months we hated each other. He was telling me I was nothing & I was a regret.
Now he has a new gf, I kinda want him back. Before I knew he had a gf, we were really great, good friends, joking around, how we were when things were good (before we actually dated). One minute I hate him, the next i'm completely infatuated with him.
This was 3 months ago we broke up, still his all I think about. I have no idea why cos when we were dating I wanted it to end because it was more 'friends with NO benefits'. I dont think I want him back, cos I know for a fact it wouldn't work as a relationship.

I've changed so much, my friends are pissed off with me. Since we broke up I realised I was nothing to him, I've never been worth anything to anyone except my parents. No one has ever liked me, in that way. So now I think I would be fine with just the dating around/sleeping with people, just for a small moment where I feel like someone actually cares about me.
I keep getting thoughts about how I can get him again, even though he has a gf. I know that is really bad & i hate myself for saying it, but the way his acting & things his saying, I dont think he'd refuse...So, I hate who I've become & how I think now.
But I cant stop thinking about how I just want SOMEONE, I dont care who really, as long as theres n attraction. Just someone who can make me feel appreciated just that little bit. The only time I've felt like I ever was when I had sex with my ex-bf that night. I just want that feeling back.

So i'm not sure what to do with myself =/ Im a mess......lol.

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Can you please change the font? Not everyone is able to read such small print.

Your ex-relationship with him does not sound good. It is best to try to get over him and try to find someone else. Speak to your family and friends for help. Go see a counselor if you must.

You are looking for true love in life. Dating around and sleeping with people is not a good idea. If you really want to be loved then go on dates but do not have sex. If you really are interested in the person go out on more dates. You may find the right man for your needs. Always use a condom if you have not safety first!

[nuttychick]

Ahhh First Love is always the same, Most of us have been through exactly the same thing. Same feelings of sadness when it is over, same No one has ever loved me blah blah lol

Time to move on and meet new guys, after a while you will wonder what the big fuss was about.

Take this time to read up on sex and relationships , learn about your body and what turns you on, so your next encounter will be even better...
This is Just the start of your "Love Life" it will have its ups and downs
good times and bad, It is up to you to get what you want out of it.,

ALWAYS use CONDOMS etc, be safe is the main thing.

Hope this makes sense, Im not the best at relaying my thoughts into words..

Good luck ... if you have questions ask. there are great people here to help.

[sexyfooyballplayer]

It seems like you two are better off as friends. You kinda have the same opinion as me on dating. I love that feeling. Too bad I have nobody to appreciate. Good luck. If you have anymore problems feel free to message me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG - one lout telling you that you were nothing is enough to break your ego?!?! Come on, girl - consider the source - some young punk who the girls tolerate for a period of time and then kick out. I wonder how many times he's told girls "yeah, my first time too". He lied about that.

Stop moaning about he was soo great - pffft. He isn't. He is a LOUT. You're not a cocker spaniel so quit acting like one. It is disgusting. You have invested all the virtues of mankind in a kid who told you that you were nothing. (And he lied here too.) How stupid is that? Stop it.

People treat you the way you "tell" them to treat you. If you want someone to care about you - then look, dress, speak, and behave as a person who is worth caring about. Self-respect, and confidence will get you those you want while scaring off punks and louts.

Sex does NOT equal love. The two are entirely different things. Love is the emotional bond while sex is the physical expression of desire. NEVER confuse the two. You not only do not have to date to get sex, you don't even have to actually like him to enjoy him - it helps but it isn't mandatory. Always use BCPs and Condoms

The 5 Rules or What Your Mother Should Have Told You

1. School comes first
2. It is NOT love
3. Do not get diseased.
4. Do not get pregnant.
5. YOU pick the man.

Focus upon school. Fix yourself up. Quit being all meek and mild - do the female equivalent of 'grow a set'.
The reason you want him back is so you can salve your pride by then breaking up with him. Do NOT do that. Let it go. The kid is unworthy. Do NOT have him even as a friend.

[bayonet777]

if you let someone get inside your head that much they can control your life without even trying to ive seen it happen ive seen it happen to some of my friends its not pretty ive seen a girl kill herself just because her ex posted a picture of her on the internet dont let him get to you

[SadisticEuphoria]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

'OMG - one lout telling you that you were nothing is enough to break your ego?!?! Come on, girl - consider the source - some young punk who the girls tolerate for a period of time and then kick out.

Stop moaning about he was soo great - pffft. He isn't. He is a LOUT. You're not a cocker spaniel so quit acting like one. It is disgusting. You have invested all the virtues of mankind in a kid who told you that you were nothing. (And he lied here too.) How stupid is that? Stop it.'

Ok, so It's the first guy I've ever dated & the first guy who has ever actually liked me. He was one of my closest friends before we dated. I know I didn't love him as well, I realised that afterwards, I was just saying that at the one moment, he made me feel like I was the only woman alive that mattered by the way he looked at me. It was bullshit, yeah I know that know.
The fact is though it wasn't just one guy. I have never had anyone like me before or ever be interested in me. Guys didn't like me, I know everyone says that when really it isnt the case. For me I truly think it is, I don't even have male friends, he was the only one to even talk to me. My entire life it has just been me, on my own with all my friends being the ones who got the attention. I was the ugly girl that hangs around the pretty girls. So I fell 'in love' with the idea of being liked, rather than him. So it knocked my confidence majorly cos the one person I thought to EVER like me, turned out to just try & get in my pants. Eventhough he was one of my closest friends beforehand.

'Sex does NOT equal love. The two are entirely different things. Love is the emotional bond while sex is the physical expression of desire. NEVER confuse the two. You not only do not have to date to get sex, you don't even have to actually like him to enjoy him - it helps but it isn't mandatory. Always use BCPs and Condoms'

I always use condoms, no matter what. If the guys says he cant feel anything - well he wont be feeling anything anyone cos his not coming anywhere near me (excuse the pun). I know that sex doesn't equal love. The feeling though, that when you are having sex or before or after, makes you feel like you are. It's that connection & for that 30mins, hour, whatever, you have a connection. I love that feeling. So I just want that back.

But thank you for being brutally honest, I agree with alot of what you said. I need to fix up, badly. But I don't know how because I just want someone. I'm almost 17, I don't want serious yet, I just want to have fun but be appreciated & made to feel like I actually matter.

I have never told this to anyone, even my very very few friends, I'm always smiling & happy. Shy & quite, yeah. But I dont let anyone know this is how I feel about myself. People think im the opposite of everything I said on here, think im a virgin & innocent. It's not like im some desperate slut who tries to get laid by random guys.

[bayonet777]

some people will take advantage its a part of life but you gotta get up brush of the dirt and keep movin forward hooah?

also dont become this guys puppet it will just end badly

[EvilEvilKitten]

You may not be a 'desperate slut trying to lay just any random guy' but that is the appearance here. And there's nothing wrong with being a slut - although not a desperate one- who enjoys who he/she wants when and how.

Yes, we all like the 'connected' feeling - but HE has to EARN that and that's based upon emotions other than lust.

There's nothing wrong with lust either. I, for example, like to enjoy men to the point where they can't talk, can't walk, and cannot remember their own name let alone mine. Life is good!

The thing is to have a wide circle of male FWBs Friends With Benefits - guys you can have fun with both in and out of the bedroom.

[dancingdoc2]

> I dated this guy for not long (he was my first bf, first kiss, first anything), it wasnt a very good relationship

> I felt like I was in love with him. Now I realise I wasnt.

> He broke up with me for his ex-gf, though they didn't get together & for a couple of months we hated each other.

> He was telling me I was nothing & I was a regret.

> Now he has a new gf, I kinda want him back.

> One minute I hate him, the next i'm completely infatuated with him.

> when we were dating I wanted it to end because it was more 'friends with NO benefits'. I dont think I want him back, cos I know for a fact it wouldn't work as a relationship.

> I just want SOMEONE, I dont care who really, as long as theres n attraction.

Did you read your post? The above comments are mixed--contradictory.

> I think I would be fine with just the dating around/sleeping with people, just for a small moment where I feel like someone actually cares about me.

This won't work. It is no solution. Why? First because girls want to be validated, know that they are cared for; guys on the other hand will say and do anything in order to get their rocks off. Sleeping around with just anybody who tells you what you want to hear won't give you the sense of belonging you crave. If you do not know the boy's history, you open yourself up to all sorts of problems--medical as well as potential abuse.

Great relationships are partnerships. Two autonomous adults (who can live quite well on their own) choose to live together in order to have a life greater than the sum of their parts. They are formed out of love, respect, care--not need. Right now you are in need.

I recommend that you work on your self esteem and self confidence, both of which seem to be in a slump. The idea is to be happy with you and in who and what you are. NOBODY can accomplish these aspects of their life by relying upon and leaning on someone else. If you expect to find happiness or validation from someone else who only wants you for a great orgasm, then you will be harming yourself further.

> I keep getting thoughts about how I can get him again, even though he has a gf. I know that is really bad & i hate myself for saying it, but the way his acting & things his saying, I dont think he'd refuse.

> Since we broke up I realised I was nothing to him,

Really? Do you really want someone who you think doesn't care about you? Why do you think so little of yourself. Time to act your way to success.

Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. The purpose of dating is to learn about others and to learn what humanity has to offer us in a potential mate. We learn about various personalities, characters, likes, dislikes, quirks, values, goals, etc.

If you date casually, you can date one or two people at a time and be pretty much assured that you have someplace to go Friday night. By dating casually, you can learn about others, have a sense of belonging yet without all the drama and trauma that comes from being exclusive with one person. So, I recommend that you let your family and friends know that you want to date and ask them to help you find someone. This is called networking. the more eyes you have working on your behalf, the greater your chances of finding someone. The more people you date over the next several years, the better able you will be at determining when Mr. Right enters the picture.

You are correct, you have changed--more importantly, you will continue to change and mature over the next several years. Who you like today will not likely be a person you would consider as a potential mate in five or ten years. This is all the more reason to "play the field". You learn who and what you like in a person, you have more dating opportunities and with people who like you for you.

Young teens are very "clickish" tending to form friendship groups. Two things come of this: first, they bolster each others confidence and sense of self importance; second, the group also tends to be hard on or make life difficult for outsiders. Unfortunately, this is a phase. My suggestion is to work on one girl and one boy and try to develop friendships with each. If first you do not succeed, try try again, and again. You will soon learn that you will be feeling better about yourself. As you are doing this, act the part of the person you wish to become and before long your behavior will take on lasting characteristics.

Whenever this old boyfriend comes to mind--change your mind and think about something else. Change it often and repeatedly at first. As time passes, you will think about him less and less.

Lastly, please read the articles on dating and relationships that are listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. Knowledge is empowering.

> So i'm not sure what to do with myself =/ Im a mess.

I hope this is of help. Give my recommendations a try for six months and see where you are emotionally by New Years. Got questions?