Making the right decision

[stlou87]

(Sorry this is so long, I just don't know how to explain the situation without including everything...plus I'm an English major...I write a lot )

I am a 21 year old male. I've had about 3 serious relationships in my life. The one I would like to talk about was the longest relationship I've had. We were together over my sophmore and junior years of college.

I dated this girl named Lyn for almost 2 years. The first year we were in school together. I got to see her everyday, we did almost everything together. We had mutual friends and life was great.

At the end of that year she graduated (I was a sophmore, she was a senior) and moved back home to work, about 3 hours away. The summer came and went, we saw each other as much as we could but it was only maybe once or twice a month. My junior year of college started and a little after Thanksgiving I made a decision. I broke up with her.

Now, why I did it was for a few reasons. One was the distance. I was having trouble only seeing her a few times a month, only for a weekend here and there. This also manifested into me doing a lot of flirting with other girls because she wasn't around. I never crossed any lines so-to-speak but almost did. Another reason piggybacking off the last one was that all these new girls were new and exciting. Lyn was somewhat "old news" and I wanted to be single for a time.

I had recently been accepted into a study abroad program and that was just the nail in the coffin. I was going to Australia for almost half a year, the other side of the world.

I was honest with Lyn and told her that I wanted to be single, that I still loved her but that I was having trouble with the distance and the fact that I wouldn't be seeing her for a long time. She was crushed, I was crushed for making her feel crushed but I felt it was necessary for me.

About a month later, I found myself missing her. I called her up, explained that I missed her and we got together one weekend. It was fun but at the end I found myself not happy with my decision. I got cold feet, and pushed her away again. I told her I was very sorry but I needed time away to sort through my emotions. I was not in the right mind to decide whether or not I wanted to be with her so I let her go to really have some time to myself. She was even more upset and we didn't talk for a long time.

At the moment I am coming off of my time in Australia. I'm going home in a few weeks.

As for the single life...I did it. I slept with several girls (something I don't normally do) and had several other random less intimate encounters with others. I honestly had an interest in one or two of them, but I found myself constantly stacking these girls up against Lyn, and they just couldn't compare. Recently I've found myself reminiscing about Lyn and I, the little quirks we had, the stuff we've been through, the sex (it was great, by the way), everything about her that made me happy. I've had this pit in my stomach for the past few weeks, missing her and what we had.

I recently called her to see how she was. We had talked occasionally while I was over here, after I gave it some time for the wounds to fade. We had talked a little, just a phone call every other week. However, for this call I got serious with her and asked her if she was seeing anyone else. She said that yes, she was but it was not serious yet...she did not give me any details, and I obviously did not want any.

I told her I was sorry and that I didn't want to make things complicated, but I had been thinking about her a lot. I understood that she couldn't trust me, especially after what I had done to her. I was just happy that she didn't hang up the phone after I told her I missed her. The conversation got somewhat light, and we joked a little (with not too much detail) about our failed relationship situations since we had been apart.

She told me that after I had broke up with her for the "second" time she had used her anger to help herself get over me. That her feelings for me had a range on them, part of her hated me but then another part wouldn't get over me, that she definitely had feelings for me still. We agreed to meet for lunch on a weekend after I get home. She said she needed to see me, face-to-face to make a decision about whether or not she is over me. I need this too. As much as I have been missing her, I need to see her to make sure this is the right decision.

For me, I know I still love her but I'm afraid. I wish with all my heart that I could just be near her rather than hours away. I can see myself marrying Lyn but am having a hard time putting up with this distance. I still have a year until I graduate, a year of long-term relationship if we get back together.

What I would like to ask for is any advice on the situation. How to deal with these feelings and emotions, the questions to ask. I'm sorry for being vague, I just needed to write this down, and see what others had to say. Honestly, its been more cathartic than anything as I write this, and I appreciate you all listening.

All I know is that I wake up every morning wishing she was lying next to me.

Thanks for your time.

[bayonet777]

you want this girl hooah? go get her let nothing stand in your way man think of it this way you might never find a girl this special again

[Rouge]

Make sure it's really what you want. You can't "Play indian" forever. If you put her through the ringer again by saying you want to be with her and then pulling away, you're going to hurt her and possibly make her bitter for the next person.

If she's with someone else, don't get involved. Be happy for her, and if you end up together again so be it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If you go back to Lynn, you will be crawling on your belly apologising to her and trying to make it up to her for the rest of your craven life.

I suggest you invite her to graduation and then have no further contact.

Instead of focusing on her, focus on getting a career started, a home to live in, transport, and how you're going to pay your taxes.

IN other words - grow up and let your 'security blanket' go.

[bayonet777]

wow three different contrasting opinions