No Solution

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by RATED-RKOFRANKLIN

Well I got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that a girl likes me and another girl actually thinks I'm cute. However the bad news is neither one of the girls are my type.

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lol not your @ type...
And what my I ask is wrong with these young ladies

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Well the girl who thinks I am cute is a good person, but not what I am looking for. She has a nice body, but she dresses down everyday. She is kinda nasty. I dress atleast decent and I expect the same from a woman. I've heard that she sleeps around with allot of guys.

The other girl works with me. I don't want to date an employee. She is just a friend of mine. She is not the type of person who gives me that "happy" feeling. She also has no personality.

[nuttychick]

Franklin have you ever heard the expression "beggars can't be choosers"

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Why should I date someone who is nasty physically and personality or a girl who is completely boring to be around with no personality?

I'm not begging for anyone. If I was desperate then I would have asked out someone with little to nothing to offer in a relationship.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by RATED-RKOFRANKLIN

Why should I date someone who is nasty physically and personality or a girl who is completely boring to be around with no personality?

I don't know, Franklin, why would you or anyone else?

I'm not begging for anyone. If I was desperate then I would have asked out someone with little to nothing to offer in a relationship.

Is your question academic?
I gather from this that you are setting your standards and thus your sights to a higher standard.

I believe sometime in the past I mentioned to you what the purpose of dating is all about. If not, you probably have read about this in a reply to others.

Here is a little ditty I offered someone a few days ago:

"As for being "developmentally delayed", socially, I wouldn't be at all concerned or hard on yourself about this; it is another reason I asked you to read the article on "experience". That you are just now beginning to acquire these skills is fine. Each time you ask a different girl out, there will be a new "Square One", new interpersonal dynamics, and, new experiences. **

> I was a reclusive loner and it's only not too long ago that I've fit into a social circle and started socializing and hanging out.

Liking solitude is not necessarily bad unless it interferes with what you want to do. I grew up in the heart of the Mother Lode and living in a small town there were not many community activities for school kids, and, the sidewalks rolled up fairly early. I've always enjoyed being home alone and entertaining myself; yet having said that, I also enjoy being with friends and doing things together periodically. So, there is balance in my life, although, the two are not equal.

> I feel life's opportunities are just passing by

Many years ago when I was a retail store manager for a very well known business, I had a district manager who gave his store managers this great bit of advice: "Plan your work and work your plan." Here are some tools:

* Inform the people in your social group, as well as friends and family in general, that you are interested in dating and would like their help in introducing you to girls they know are also interested in dating. This is called "networking". The more people you have looking for you, the greater your chances of finding people to date.

* Join and become involved in clubs and activities in which girls also participate. (See above) Select activities that support your interest(s) and/or something you want to know more about.

* Dating is an ongoing process in which people come and people go. Sometimes a date will be a one-time event, maybe two or three, most will end eventually. Please understand two things about this; first, expect that most people you date will not be a match and that you will usually learn this after the first, second, or, third date; second, do not expect too much too soon. Develop a friendship with each person and let a relationship if any develop over time as a natural progression.

* If it is obvious that a person is not a match at the end of the first or first few dates, do not get all disappointed or depressed about this. Enjoy the time you spent together knowing you had a better time than had you stayed home and watched reruns on TV.

* Understand that not every first invitation to go out will be successful. If your invitation is declined, do not take it personally. Thank the person and ask the next person in line--and so on and on.

* Dating is all about sampling what humanity has to offer us in potential mates. The process exposes us to lots of different characters, likes, dislikes, values, goals, morals, ideals, etc. so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to recognize the person by knowing first and foremost what we are looking for in a person and what we like and value in others.

**Please do not think you are getting a late start in life. Consider that you are approaching Square One. Because each is unique unto itself, it doesn't much matter that there were others or that this is the first. What is important is that you learn from each in order to make future dates with other people more valuable and easier going. Eventually, one or two people will end up in a relationship with you, and of these, one will be a keeper."

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

I remember the advise you gave to me and I've been doing it for many years.

Networking

This really has been an awful area for me with only dead-ends. My friends know that I am looking for a relationship.

My guy friends normally want me to talk to low quality girls who dress very bad and have personalities I have no interested in.

My girl friends normally tell me that they don't know a single woman who would give me the time of day. Some have told me to turn gay to have a chance of form of love.

They tell me that I go out of my league so I asked them what league I am in. They take forever to respond and eventually say I am in a league of my own with no options.

Learning

Well I really have not learn anything. I've never been on a date to learn anything nor given a chance to go on a date.

Rejection

Well I do take reject personally because that is the only thing that happens. It has so far been an endless cycle. I've only been rejected because of my looks are not appealing to women.

I can set down and talk to a girl. We will have a good conversation. When I ask her out is when she rejects me.

[dancingdoc2]

> Well I do take reject personally because that is the only thing that happens. It has so far been an endless cycle. I've only been rejected because of my looks are not appealing to women.

OH, Franklin, not a rehash of this, again. I have told you as have others that you are a nice looking young man. Not liking yourself is not unlike a woman going in for plastic surgery after surgery after surgery in order to have first this then that and still more things fixed when in fact there is nothing to fix except her self perception. For this, woman or man, a psychiatrist is called for. Not believing that we are anything but truthful substantiates the fact.

One inexpensive solution is to write the Dr. Phil show and outline your situation and get the unvarnished truth along with some professional help that the show can provide.

When will you be out of school? My suggestion is to move out of O.C. and find yourself some area of the state less populated then begin, again. Two scenarios are likely; first, you will find people of a different culture ad mindset than city folks; second, if you are still unsuccessful, then the problem is not with anybody other than yourself. So, one way or the other, I suggest getting professional help, not our collective opinions.

This is the longest thread in the recent history of the site, maybe even the longest; yet from day one there has been no change to the "woe is me" theme. I get that you have been trying, and because your efforts are not working, why not take a different approach? MOVE as soon as you can and start fresh.

[Brandye]

NO, NO, NO, NO. There is nothing new to be added to this thread. It has all been said. It has all been rejected. Tons of irrelevant crap has been added. Let it disappear!

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

I do love myself. Have no problems with who I am. However I do try self-improvement because I should always try to make myself better. I've been working out for over a year and I have seen some results. The reason why I thought about surgery is not for me to love me, but for a woman to love me.

People including women have said I have an attractive personality. I can sit down and talk to many women if I wanted to. However they say my looks are extremely bad and the worst there are. When everyone tells me that I am in a league of my own as being too ugly to fine love has nothing to do with inside, but is only about my outside.

I cannot completely control rather a woman finds me attractive or unattractive physically. It just is not possible.

Professional help would be very useless. No program can help make me physically attractive. That's just a part of life. Some have it and others don't.

No one is to blame for this. Moving to another city and/or state will not bring a solution. It's not anyone's fault. It is just a part of life. This is something I am getting use to living by. I live alone on campus and I am mostly independent. I never needed a woman to define who I am. All I am looking for is a healthy and loving relationship.

In matter of face my life is pretty good. I have friends, family, church family, and a job campus. I easily adjusted to living alone on campus. Being an only child really helps well atleast it helped me. I have a very good reputation on campus and very well known by people some who I don't know myself. My consistent rejection by women is my only problem in life, but I can't fully control that.

[dancingdoc2]

> When everyone tells me that I am in a league of my own as being too ugly to fine love has nothing to do with inside, but is only about my outside.

> Professional help would be very useless. No program can help make me physically attractive. That's just a part of life. Some have it and others don't.

I have firsthand knowledge that not everyone has told you that you are "too ugly...."

> My consistent rejection by women is my only problem in life, but I can't fully control that.

I beg to differ with this assessment. I strongly suggest that you look beyond the mirror. The image you see is not your problem. Your internal dialog and assessment of yourself IS the problem. This is why I suggested seeking professional counseling.

You are so caught up in this that you are certain nobody taking the time to respond to you has got anything worthwhile to contribute.

I said it once, I'll say it, again: "I'm done here".