Lost Hope

[EvilEvilKitten]

This man cannot read. I ASKED him if he was being seen as being arrogant - NOT that he WAS being arrogant.

Buddy, we base our advice on what you say - how could we do otherwise?

On the one hand you're the RATED R SUPERSTAR and yet girl's tell your friends that you're ugly.

Frankly, you come across as a guy with a fixed idea in your head - set in concrete - and anything we say is just going to run into a wall and be discounted as "youi're making assumptions about me" whine whine whine.

And I see that he's doing the same to the rest of the advice-givers.

People - give it up this man doesn't really want to be helped. He just wants to get attention.

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

This man cannot read. I ASKED him if he was being seen as being arrogant - NOT that he WAS being arrogant.

Buddy, we base our advice on what you say - how could we do otherwise?

On the one hand you're the RATED R SUPERSTAR and yet girl's tell your friends that you're ugly.

Frankly, you come across as a guy with a fixed idea in your head - set in concrete - adnd anything we say is just going to run into a wall and be discounted as "youi're making assumptions about me" whine whine whine.

And I see that he's doing the same to the rest of the advice-givers.

People - give it up this man doesn't really want to be helped. He just wants to get attention.

Can you please stop lying in this thread?! You did say I was arrogant. You did not ask. Stop twisting, turning and may false assumptions about me.

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Telling someone something negative usually does hurt their feelings. Ugly? How so? Confident? I doubt it was the "confidence without arrogance" that I specified. You can be as "cocky" and "macho" as you want but unless it is innate and without the "strut of arrogance" or "penis-waving" - it won't work and your show of 'confidence' will feel false to women.

I don't think you know what I mean by the RATE-R-SUPERSTAR. He is a wrestler named Edge. My friends compare me with him when I am anrgy because someone has done something wrong on to me.

Originally Posted by Zr2_EQX

Please do post a pic. I think you are being way to picky. I think you need to look at the big picture. Just because you are attracted to the "perfect" woman does not mean the feeling is returned.

Everyone won't be attracted to everyone who is attracted to them. However no one is attracted to me. Women who I find attractive and women who I don't find attractive. I know not everyone is going to be attracted to me. However no one is and this is part of my problem.

Here is the picture.

[Brandye]

Hey, man, GET OFF IT! You are a good looking guy who will attract more than your share. Now, about your specifications: I do not know how many skinny, big boobed Christians there are in your part of the world. I meet the first two of your criteria but am old enough to be your mum.

Smooth your pants in front, center your buckle and get out there!

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Yeah I just notice my buckle in the picture! LOL.

Well see that is my problem. People say I'm a good looking guy and than women say I'm an awful looking guy. The two just don't match up! I don't expect to attract everyone but I would like to attract some women.

[Brandye]

Look up the definition of tautology and then promise to stop using same.

Incidentally, "people say" and "women say" do not hang together. I know many, many women. Most of us think we are people. Am I missing something?

You are rejecting positive feedback and clinging to the negative to justify your social isolation. No need to get into your potty training but that comes from somewhere. Figure out where your rejection of positives (about yourself) came from and then go punch the person in the nose. If it is one of your parents, you may want to modify that a bit.

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Let me reword it.

People who are my family, friends, church family, and family friends tell me that I'm a nicely looking guy. Women say I'm an awful looking guy and the worst looking to be with. The two just don't match up! I don't expect to attract everyone but I would like to attract some women.

[bayonet777]

you gotta believe that there is someone out there for you let nothing hold you back from finding them hooah?

[dancingdoc2]

Is you is or is you isn't, that is the question?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Beauty is only skin deep.

These adages come to mind because they are only partial truths.

I agree, you are a handsome dude, guy. What about me? I wear a scowl on my face all the time just because that is the way "I'm hung", so to speak. I have to be very conscious of the fact and wipe the scowl off my face and smile--especially while attending dances! or in conversations with others. My facial scowl makes me look mad, yet all I'm doing is concentrating on something or simply not being conscious that I have to turn the scowl upside down into a smile or at the very least a neutral expression. That's my hangup. Do I get the girls (romantically and on the dance floor?), yes. Why? A positive attitude, a pleasant demeanor, first and second, then being a great dancer for which many women want a three minute relationship with.

Physically? Let's just say I'm pleasingly plump. Did that prevent me from finding women to love over the years? NO! This brings me to my point.

It seems to me from reading everything on this thread that your problem is not with ears, smile, hair style, complexion, height, weight, penis size, or other features--the problem is centered between your ears. What wins women over is a winning smile, a twinkle in the eye, a good sense of humor (or at least being able to laugh at others as well as yourself) and a fantastic personality, reliability and punctuality. Work on these yet do not be a jerk.

I've spent a few dollars on books dealing with relationships in order to find out why mine had problems along the way. As the answers pertain to you, I can tell you that if you develop the characteristics, above, and do not worry so much about breast size, physical size, hair color (unless it is pink, blue, or streaked) and just work on finding someone who appreciates you for you, while you do the same, you will end up being a much happier man.

If you prefer a certain stature or other feminine characteristics, so be it. We all have our preferences, yet when all is said and done, I'd much rather be with an attractive individual with whom I can relate and interact. If you are focused on women meeting some desired set of measurement benchmarks on a ruler, you are doomed to live a lonely life.

How do you fix your situation?
* Drop the "woe is me attitude". It isn't working for you so you do not need to keep doing it

* Smile at everybody you talk to or you walk past. Give each person a moment of eye contact--men and women.

* Have a few people drawn from family, friends, and, coworkers, assess your conversational skills and give you feedback on how well you speak. If you do not deliver what is on your mind in a pleasant manner, people will not listen to you.

* The clothes you are wearing in the photo are very nice so I do not need to talk about wardrobe, other than to say, always dress appropriately. Don't let the crotch of your pants slide down to your knees, or as some fellas do in the states--let their boxers show all the way down to the bottom of their butt. In other words, dress nicely whether you are in a suit or work clothes or something in between.

* Inform family members, friends, and, coworkers, that you are interested in dating and to help you find people. This is called networking. The more eyes you have looking on your behalf, the more choices you are likely to have.

* Join social, sporting, and/or special interest groups in which you and women have a mutual interest.

* Read what I have written on the subject of dating. The dating process should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Dating is all about learning what humanity has to offer us in the way of personalities, character, likes, dislikes, quirks, goals, morals, values, etc.

Dates may begin and end with a dinner--or two. Dates may last a few weeks or months--and a few will be long term keepers; however, eventually all but one or two will fall by the wayside as you narrow the field and as Ms. Right come into view. The same holds true for women with the men they date.

If you date several different people you will begin to focus on what is really important in a mate, not just the statistics. If you date several different people you will be exposed to lots of different interests and activities. If you date more than one woman at a time you will have more opportunities to go on a Saturday night date or whatever.

It is important to be open minded when you date a woman. If you invite her to dinner, then make this the focus of the evening. If this is your first date with her and later you do not believe a second is in the cards, then do not be disappointed. Enjoy the evening and the conversation for what they are and know that this is usually better than staying home alone.

When you find a person with whom you can relate and have a good time with, work on developing these characteristics of the budding relationship. It has been said that a person's largest sexual organ is the body's skin. I also believe that a person's body is strictly their persona; their true being is their brain. The body just lets each of us interact with the world around us. That said, it is better me thinks to develop a relationship with that part of the anatomy we will never see. When the time comes to make love, make love to the entire body not certain areas like earlobes, lips, cheeks, breasts, or genitalia.

The weekend is about here. Talk to the people you know about finding someone to date. Bury the self pitty and self lothing, and, all the other negativity, and develop a winning personality. If you do not know how--my recommendation in these situations is to simply act your way to success. An actor in a play/movie takes on the role and characteristics of the person he is portraying. Do the same and before you know it you will develop into becoming that individual. You will be learning new skills and adopting new behaviors so do not think this will be easy or quick. These things take time, yet you will begin to see positive results with each smile and eye contact no matter how brief the encounter. When you converse with others, if you have a pleasant voice and mannerisms, then people will be interested in sticking around for more.

What? Cat got your tongue? Not to worry. The key to conversing with most women is in understanding that by their very nature they are chatty creatures. Ask a leading question and then just stand back and let them speak! All you have to do is listen, take mental notes, and interject a question or thought from time to time. When it is your time to discuss you, do not tell everything about you all at once. Keep them wanting to know more and by doing so, you will have material for your next few conversations.

Now, get out there and get busy. Got questions?

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Yes I have a question or two.

My friends, family, church family, and family friends all say I have a personality. I am very sociable and talk to all different types of people.

I often smile at people.

My friends know that I am looking for someone.

I dress nice.

I have been apart of some social networks.

I'm not sure what you mean by me having an attitude? I only go off on someone who has done something wrong to me. For example in high school a girl was playing games with me. She knew that I liked her but she did not like me. However she lied to me that she liked me. Me and her talk for about a month or two. The entire time she never liked me. She finally told me truth. I was made and upset. I went off on her. I would have been completely fine if she told me the truth in the beginning.

I never go looking for fights nor arguments. My friends often say I'm a nice guy. I'm not the type of person who will be pushed around and accept disrespect.

I feel as if I have done most if not all of what you just advised me on. I truly do appreciate it. I still get the same responses from women about not dating me because they think I am ugly. I have heard this form alot of women. People tell me to keep trying. I do but the results are always the same. Why isn't this working? If I am truely handsome as you say I am than why isn't any woman attracted to that? Why are all of them saying I'm the worst looking guy?

As for what you said about my standards I have to disagree with. I would not be happy with someone who does not apply to all of my standards. I'm not asking for much in the personality and non-physical standards. I'm going asking two physical standards. They are a must for me. Some friends say I'm asking for too much and than others say I'm not asking for too much. I love slender women with big breast. I not attracted to fat women nor small breast. Fat women and small breast turn me off. God made me this way. Everyone has different turn ons and turn offs. It would not make much sense to date someone who turns you off.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You really need to go and review ALL of my posts before you accuse me of lying. Stop reading my words through whatever filter you have in your mind and read what was actually typed. Lying is telling a deliberate falsehood. I do not lie. It is not worth my time and effort to lie. If you read what is there - I did not say you were, I said I doubted that what you displayed was not. There is a subtle difference.

Frankly, you're not ugly but your suit is.

And you look like you're 12 years old.

THAT's your problem - you look like someone's kid brother.

Which probably explains your defensive attitude towards us and our advice including your continued confusion between respect and civility.

There is no magic formula, no magic words, and nothing that will improve your situation - you look like a pre-teen guy. Until you've grown into yourself, and have stopped harping about respect/disrespect, you're not going to be successful with women. Need I say this again? Seems I must. What you want is NOT as important as what women want. You do not bait tigers using zucchini. Women do not go out with "kid brothers".

Women lie to save your pride and to keep themselves from getting beaten up. Plain and simple. Yes, to your face they will like you as a person and think you're great, here they're not lying, but when it comes to sex with you - not a chance! - so yes, then they'll lie and say they have to wash their hair or something equally innane or they'll toss out a 'throw-away line' like "you're ugly" in the hopes that ugliness, about which you can do nothing, would be more acceptable to your pride than "hey, kid, you're 12".

Stop acting like this happens only to you - it doesn't. EVERY PERSON will go, is going, and/or has gone through the same crucible - rejection. You either learn to deal with it effectively or you don't. Those who don't live very unhappy lives seeing insults where none were said or meant. Capice?