met girls family

[duh477]

This girl ive been hanging out with for about 2 months but havent really discussed exclusivity yet. She invited me to a family barbeque which was nice. Ive gone out with other girls but had never met their families and was kind of nervous. Anyway her mom was nice but i was shocked when she just started smoking pot right outside like it was no big deal. Her dad seemed nice but didnt really say anything to me.

But her brother shocked me when before we left I was driving home and she was walking to her friends house. the brother says that because she had one beer and if anything happens to her that he would hold me responsible and that it wasnt a threat but a promise. I just agreed with him and said dont worry but I was just shocked that he would be that aggressive. Is this normal when meeting families? because I was just shocked and confused and didnt know what to think?

[King Rick]

Brothers are always this aggressive. I know this because I am one. Surprised that her dad didn't say much to you, but since your not exclusive yet that might be why. Don't worry about her brother. Just treat her right, and he won't hurt you.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by King Rick

Brothers are always this aggressive. I know this because I am one. Surprised that her dad didn't say much to you, but since your not exclusive yet that might be why. Don't worry about her brother. Just treat her right, and he won't hurt you.

Sounds to me like the entire family is dysfunctional. Pot? Do you want a girlfriend who imbibes whether it is pot, or alcohol, or...? As for the brother, I would take him seriously. I disagree that all brothers are aggressive or that there is no need to worry. You cannot control what goes through his mind in response to whatever ticks him off.

This doesn't sound like a family I'd care to interact with.

Dating is all about learning what humanity has to offer us in the way of a potential mate. As such dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who pays attention to us. Dating is about learning about personalities, character, likes, dislikes, quirks, etc. Date lots of people. If one does not work out, move on.

[duh477]

i have known this girl for about 5 years and she had always liked me and i never reallly felt the same for her and so finally when no other girls gave me any attention I just figured why not give her a chance because she liked me so much. I do like her and she is a smart productive girl that works alot and makes good money so I never would have though that her family would be as strange as they were. we are 20 and 21 years old and i have never had a gf and I just wanted to know what its like.

[Newtolove]

well I would say that limited future family contract is the best option, if she is uninfluenced by her craxy (yes tottaly nuts) family well thats not too bad but I'd suggest you both leave her family way behind and make lives of your own if you really want to make something of it

[dancingdoc2]

What I did not clarify, above, is that there is a difference between male aggressiveness and a brother's concern and protectiveness.

Being in "like" is good. Liking someone is the first step toward a relationship of whatever kind or intensity. From your description it doesn't sound as if there is sufficient intensity for falling head over heals for this girl. Keep her as a friend if you want not as a love interest to cultivate that type of relationship.

As for never having had a girlfriend, my response is the same whether you are lost among the hoards in a big city, live in a small town, or are hold up on a farm or ranch. Let family members, friends, and, coworkers know that you are interested in dating and enlist their help in finding someone. This is called networking and it can and does work. Even if all you get is an introduction and the person does not seem like what you want, involve her in your network.

Join a club or social organization or service group in which women also belong.

DO NOT get involved with online dating.

-doc

[Brandye]

All families are screwed up in their own way. This one is far out. When you get involved with a person, it is a package deal. Want to risk it with this bunch?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sounds like a rather typical family. The Dad ignored you because he and Mom will discuss you later in private. But until your title becomes fiance (Or the father of my daiughter's child), he's not going to be interested. The brother was typical. Believe him. The Mom was a bit 'out there' with the marijuana however. She may require thinking about. This would be a dicussion point for you and your gf. Ask your gf what she thinks about her Mom's smoking.

More importantly - you picked up your option with her because no other girl's were paying you any attention?!?! How does your gf feel being "second best" ??

[dlb]

First off, when you are invited to someone's home and to meet someone's family it is a gesture of trust. We all have unusual relatives-from someone's point of view.

Her mom was nice, but began smoking pot outside like it was no big deal. Well, this is the 21st century and many people's parents use marijuana. In many states of the USA marijuana has been decriminalized, meaning that the penalty for a small amount is about the same as and carries the same weight on one's criminal record as a parking ticket. Of course in other states the fines and criminality are higher. While the federal government does not recognize the medical use of marijuana many states do. This is a legal problem on many levels. The point is that many responsible citizens use marijuana for medical reasons:glaucoma,cancer therapy side effects and others. If you are concerned maybe you should find out why she was smoking marijuana. While I am not against the recreational use of marijuana I do think that recreational users should observe the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Law's (NORML) principles for responsible cannabis use. In your case the principles involving set and setting apply:

Set and Setting
The responsible cannabis user will carefully consider his/her set and setting, regulating use accordingly.

"Set" refers to the consumer's values, attitudes, experience and personality, and "setting" means the consumer's physical and social circumstances. The responsible cannabis consumer will be vigilant as to conditions -- time, place, mood, etc. -- and does not hesitate to say "no" when those conditions are not conducive to a safe, pleasant and/or productive experience.

Fathers often have little to say to a guy who the daughter has brought home for the first time. If you continue visiting their home and your relationship with the young woman progresses he might become more conversational, or not. Some people are just not very talkative.

It seems to me that the brother was just having some fun with you. He might have felt that he was being comical, but you being nervous didn't pick up on that. Also there are, unfortunately, people who really think that way. You shouldn't worry about the brother though.

Every family is different. Every family has their internal mores. For many people the way a prospective partner views our family influences our decision to continue in a relationship with that person.