Too nice?

[johnnymac57]

I am a very gentle and caring guy I have never hurt a woman intentionally and all I search for is a woman who wants to be loved and appreciated. Yet 99.9 % of the girls I meet prefer the "asshole" guy who treats them badly and makes them feel bad about themselves. I can't change the way my heart is.... but I feel like being a nice guy is really penalizing me. It seems like girls/ woman enjoy being treated badly.

I am not bad looking at all yet I constantly lose out to arrogant jocks who end up hurting those woman very quickly. Why can't woman choose me over them instead and experience love and kindness instead of the temporary thrill.

How do I make myself more appealing without becoming an arrogant asshole?

[EvilEvilKitten]

This is a common theme and it is based upon a misconception. Younger women want excitement, so they go with a very stupid and selfish young man thinking that "if he truly loves me, he will change".

What ends up happening is she is the one who changes, leaves him in the dirt and finally gets with guys like you. This process is called growing up. It is not settling so much as coming home.

When a girl is ready to put the boytoys on the shelf - make sure you're there ready to receive the woman she has become.

Patience, buddy.

[bayonet777]

im the same way lol

[doinmybest]

EvilEvilKitten is right when they grow up they will be all yours so dont change who you are. just let it grow cause in the end itll be worth it

[EvilEvilKitten]

So you may want to work on getting some experience now, jmac.

[johnnymac57]

I dunno, I kind of want to only be with one woman now. I am this far along now, so if that can happen I would be really glad. However I have to do it before I am 30....whichever happens first.

[sinnersxtynyne]

i totally agree with evilevilkitten.the yonger girls tend to go for the guys witht he badboy image tht treat them badly in the earlier stages and then lose them as they grow out of that phase.you can gain experience even by being with one woman.i'm just quoting everyone else..dnt change yourslef,it'll pay off soon enough

[EvilEvilKitten]

One woman? Oookay but generally speaking before she throws herself into your arms, a woman does prefer it if a man knows what to do with her once he's caught her.

[leeishere]

Heyya Johnny,

As the other posters above have said, most girls go through the bad boy phase and then eventually realize they don't really want that (at least for a long term relationship). However, although women grow out of bad boys they absolutely do not want someone 'Too Nice' either.

What is 'Too Nice' ?

• Echoing her opinion all the time.
• Not having your own interests.
• Being around her 24/7 with no break time.
• Never expressing your romantic/sexual desires.

At best she will think of you as a friend, and at worst a benign annoyance or (if she is an awful person) as free unpaid help / a walking wallet.

I know, 'cause a couple of years back I was in a very similar situation to you and did all these things and wondered where I was going wrong?

The answer?

Get out there, and get interesting.

Basically you need to push yourself to get out into the world and do things you normally wouldn't. Socialize in places with mixed groups, and if you seem to spark with a woman then ask her out. You will probably get turned down at first, but learn from each experience, watch others around you and use what you have learnt to take another step forwards.

Just like you wouldn't expect to become a pro-golfer after one day's practice, you can't expect to go from plain 'NO' to CassaNOver in a short time with no effort. Remember, you are playing catch-up on the last 10+ years.

It took myself about six months from when I started actively trying until I got a proper date. I am sure you can beat that if you put your mind to it, after all I was once described as 'The Geek among Geeks'.

Hope this helps.

[johnnymac57]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

One woman? Oookay but generally speaking before she throws herself into your arms, a woman does prefer it if a man knows what to do with her once he's caught her.

She will have to teach me, and I will be up for many, many, many hours of practice....at least she will know that I am STD free, that is the one positive thing.