Too nice?

[johnnymac57]

Originally Posted by leeishere

Heyya Johnny,

As the other posters above have said, most girls go through the bad boy phase and then eventually realize they don't really want that (at least for a long term relationship). However, although women grow out of bad boys they absolutely do not want someone 'Too Nice' either.

What is 'Too Nice' ?

• Echoing her opinion all the time.
• Not having your own interests.
• Being around her 24/7 with no break time.
• Never expressing your romantic/sexual desires.

At best she will think of you as a friend, and at worst a benign annoyance or (if she is an awful person) as free unpaid help / a walking wallet.

I know, 'cause a couple of years back I was in a very similar situation to you and did all these things and wondered where I was going wrong?

The answer?

Get out there, and get interesting.

Basically you need to push yourself to get out into the world and do things you normally wouldn't. Socialize in places with mixed groups, and if you seem to spark with a woman then ask her out. You will probably get turned down at first, but learn from each experience, watch others around you and use what you have learnt to take another step forwards.

Just like you wouldn't expect to become a pro-golfer after one day's practice, you can't expect to go from plain 'NO' to CassaNOver in a short time with no effort. Remember, you are playing catch-up on the last 10+ years.

It took myself about six months from when I started actively trying until I got a proper date. I am sure you can beat that if you put your mind to it, after all I was once described as 'The Geek among Geeks'.

Hope this helps.

I am far from boring...I am just a little damaged. I probably do need to be a little badder around women though...just a bit.

[leeishere]

It is not a matter of being more 'bad' but just putting a little more of your own needs into the forefront. At first it kinda seemed odd to me that women didn't find a guy willing to do virtually anything for them attractive, but nowadays I realize that I was coming accross more like a kinda clingy friend and less like a potential boyfriend. Obviously, I only have a few short texts from you so I don't know if you are similar or not, however I was often called 'Too Nice' also...

What worked for me was basically being very honest and upfront. Sure, don't spill your guts on your life history the first time you meet, but if you like a girl ask them out as soon if you feel a spark. Even if she turns you down, it sends the strong message that you are single and looking, rather than ambiguous and possibly homosexual (don't laugh, a lot of people thought I was!). Plus maybe she has a friend that will be right up your street!

Hope this helps.

[johnnymac57]

Originally Posted by leeishere

It is not a matter of being more 'bad' but just putting a little more of your own needs into the forefront. At first it kinda seemed odd to me that women didn't find a guy willing to do virtually anything for them attractive, but nowadays I realize that I was coming accross more like a kinda clingy friend and less like a potential boyfriend. Obviously, I only have a few short texts from you so I don't know if you are similar or not, however I was often called 'Too Nice' also...

What worked for me was basically being very honest and upfront. Sure, don't spill your guts on your life history the first time you meet, but if you like a girl ask them out as soon if you feel a spark. Even if she turns you down, it sends the strong message that you are single and looking, rather than ambiguous and possibly homosexual (don't laugh, a lot of people thought I was!). Plus maybe she has a friend that will be right up your street!

Hope this helps.

Ya, I get the homosexual question asked a lot. I am 100% straight. People love to say that though, rather than try and help me they default to that gay thing. I am so tired of that. I am sure that there is some asshole that is spreading false rumours about me.

Look....I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than go gay. I have bucket-loads of rejection issues and poor self esteem, I will rather try and get over that.