I'm so confused ...

[ruboxxx]

Ok, as the title says I'm confused about this whole situation going on, so I'll try and explain in the best I can. I know as soon as I mention one part, everybody will be like what's so confusing about that, but really I just feel like its not only that, like something else is being hidden from me.

So it had come to the point where I felt as if I had completely given up on finding a girl about a month ago, I was literally freaking out because I have always been the type of guy to bend over backwards for a girl and treat them nice and whatever you name it I was great to them. I've been single for like 5 years now, in that time I have messed around with a few girls, but nothing serious, it was mainly all just messing around. So back to my story this girl messaged me on myspace now I know a lot of people look at the whole online dating thing as a joke, I at first thought the same thing til I met my ex about 7 years ago and we lasted almost 2 years together, and it was a long distance relationship. Well, this girl though lives in the same town I went to high school and the same town I work. I'm trying not to get off story, but anyways as I was saying we began talking and right off the bat, with our personalitys we just noticed something about each other we liked, so everything began to happen really fast, and then about a week into it we were joking around talking and she got scared because she felt herself getting close to me and didn't want to end up getting hurt because she doesn't really know me, so I told her well in time you will see that you will be able to trust me and know that I'm not out to hurt you I'd rather myself get hurt than watch seeing you get hurt or even attempt on hurting you.

So, then again things had begun starting to get really fast again and she told me again that things needed to slow down, but it wasn't only my fault on things moving fast it was her too. Now here's where I'm really really confused. I don't control her and I don't mind her doing whatever she wants as long as she's safe and doesn't do anything stupid, were not together and I would never want to control anything she does, I just wouldn't want her to do anything that would in fact hurting her physically then I would step in and stop her. Anyways, she's having a very very hard time trusting me, in the past she got hurt by many guys before, her best friend more a less her ex best friend now ended up recently just stealing a guy away from her, and they've been best friends for 13 years now. She's had a guy call her a fat ass and that he could do better, and well her ex boyfriend cheated on her with her other best friend. So as you can see a lot of things have happened to her to ruin her trust for just about any guy to come along. We've been talking now for about a month and well during that whole time, we've only hungout once and that was only for 5 minutes, because I bought her a stuffed animal.

She's told me now that she's not ready for any relationship with anybody because she's got some things to get settled, but she told me she likes me and that she doesn't want to hurt me, she just wants to take things slow. Well, the problem I'm having is I want to work on this friendship between me and her but I feel as if any time that I bring up hanging out it's always a excuse like she's dodging me in a way, but at the same time I can't understand if she liked me why she wouldn't want to hangout. Now, this part will probably get people bitching at me, because of the age gap and everything, but she's almost 17 here in a few months and well I'm 26, I know a big age gap and were both at two different points in our lives. My friends being girls around the same age range have told me from everything that I have told them that this girl is playing games with my head now, that she had no interest in me whatsoever anymore and that she doesn't want to tell me that, but when I brought it up to her she said its nothing like that, it's just she's not ready for anything right now.

Now I've been a little bit snoopy and have been looking around and it seems like she's been kind of flirting with other dudes, but I mean I can't control that, but she's told me before when I mentioned hey I've been hurt before I just don't want to get played or have mind games played with me because I don't need that, and that offended her I could tell because she's like wow I couldn't believe you would think that about me, I told her I never said that I'm just saying I don't need that in my life and everything. So now I'm beginning to go crazy and stuff, everythings been just going down hill in my life and well I want to build trust with her and show her that I'm not out to hurt her and she even said I know I should trust you 200% but thats where the trust issues come into play. This is frustrating me so much because I don't know what else to do to build her trust for me, and at the same time I want to know she's not playing with my heart when she says she isn't, its just that she's not ready for anything. People have said she's playing hard to get with me, but I can't play that game, and I don't want to play games, I mean what can I really do, I'm just about at the point on giving up, but she told me as time moves forward she won't have trust issues, and well I feel like I keep pressuring her with this relationship thing when I understand she doesn't want one.

[dancingdoc2]

There are a lot of things going on here between you.
* she has been burned and does not trust men
* she wants to trust men as evidenced by her allocating time to communicate with you
* she wants to trust you yet will not interact with you on a personal level until she can

The only real fault I find with your story is your tremendous age difference and the great difference in maturity. You want and desire a "WOMAN", yet you are cavorting with a girl struggling to find herself and discover who she is and will become. Of course she will play games with you, this is what girls her age do. She is learning how to be all grown up yet battling demons from the past without having the necessary skills to come to terms with faults of past boyfriends.

You should continue to date and date people around your own age. Please go to the Index found at the top of the main screen and read the article on dating. Involve family members, friends, and coworkers, advising them that you are interested in dating. Have them tell you if they know or find someone interested in dating. This is called networking. You should join a social organization or a service organization or a hobby organization in which women participate and get out there and be seen. Once on the inside you can enlist these people to help, also.

Understand what dating is supposed to be all about. The process does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest. Dating means going out with many people and learning what humanity has to offer. Dating should not be exclusively with one person--not until ready to settle down.

[ruboxxx]

I understand the whole dating thing and such, but seeing as she's having a hard time trusting me and such, I don't want to come off as being another asshole guy to her, I mean she see's how much I've already tried to put into this at the moment, but I mean maybe the dating thing will kind of quicken things up ya know with her seeing that I'm not going to wait around forever, but at the same time, I'm not sure if it's going to come off as "Wow, he's just like any other guy" but I really don't think that's the case, because she see's what type of person I am in the past month by everything that I have done for her, and just been there for her and stuff, and I've even had other people that know me really well tell her how I am, maybe I'm just worrying too much which I have a tendency to do alot.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by ruboxxx

I understand the whole dating thing and such,

Please start doing it. What is the age of consent in your area? Even if it is seventeen, you are still a grown man interacting with a child. This is OK for friendship, definitely not recommended for a romantic relationship.

This girl needs to continue thru the maturing process and in part this means going out with boys her own age. Another part is in simply learning how to be an adult and these steps are part of several stages and phases in a person's teen years and early twenties. Next, is in learning how to become more "worldly" by simply gaining life experience. She has not had the time to acquire them that you and older people have.

but seeing as she's having a hard time trusting me and such, I don't want to come off as being another asshole guy to her, I mean she see's how much I've already tried to put into this at the moment, but I mean maybe the dating thing will kind of quicken things up ya know with her seeing that I'm not going to wait around forever, but at the same time, I'm not sure if it's going to come off as "Wow, he's just like any other guy" but I really don't think that's the case, because she see's what type of person I am in the past month by everything that I have done for her, and just been there for her and stuff,

I believe any objective person reading this will agree that dating any teen is not advisable. If you would like to change roles and be a mentor, guide, and friend, who can help her grow, then do this. Do not become romantically involved with her. She is not ready for the variety of reasons we have been discussing.

and I've even had other people that know me really well tell her how I am, maybe I'm just worrying too much which I have a tendency to do alot.

The information passed on is good. Leave it at that for her to do with as she pleases, and just step back. Be there if she extends a hand or invitation, otherwise be in the background being willing to answer questions or give recommendations to help her along her journey. While she may be charming, intriguing, voluptuous, and captivating, the two of you are very much at different stages of life. A ten year age span in ten years could have a different recommendation.

[LickMyGamete]

Wait - you're surprised because a 16 year old isn't ready to settle down with a 26 year old, and wants to talk with other guys? Sorry but you're crazy..

This relationship doesn't sound healthy for you (and especially for her), and you need to ask yourself why women your age aren't exactly going after you (if that's the case). In order for a relationship to work, BOTH people need to WANT to be together, and it doesn't sound like this 16 year old wants to be with you (a 26 year old).

Also, maybe rather than worrying about "coming off as just like every other guy," you should be more concerned about coming off as the "old creep hanging around highschools."