where to go with the end of this relationship

[newchris101]

Okay so recently my girlfriend and i broke up after 4 months. It's really hard for me and I'm a little sketchy about the whole thing. I'm really upset that i lost her because i truly did love her but we did have some problems.She had this ex-bf that she always used to hang around. They dated for 2 years and they were each others first sexual partners. It bothered me a lot that she would hang out with this guy but i used to think that it would only be fair to her to trust her and be ok with it. She never did cheat.

I never really told her how i felt about things. Like if we wanted to go do something i never really had an opinion and she never did either. We would just say oh well what do you want to do?, or i dont care what do you want to do? This was hard for me because i never really cared about it. All i cared about was being with her and having fun. So 90% of the time we would just get fed up with it and stay home and watch a movie which would bore both of us. So much to the point where i think we lost the fun and friendship in our relationship.

We used to go out all the time. We would go skiing, for a walk, to a movie, to a concert, to the mall, or just out to dinner. But i got really scared because she told me that she had an eating problem... So i didn't know what to do. I hated to even think about going out to eat because yes she would eat but then she i would hear about it or watch her exercise it out vigorously to the point where it became unhealthy. Then she explained that she didnt like the mall because she always goes and spends too much money on clothes or something and she thought that it was torture for me. Honestly i just liked being there with her. Then she tells me hey i dont like to sit through movies or pay for them because i dont have money and i feel bad when you pay for me.

So honestly what could i have done i told her i like the mall. I told her i dont care about paying but nothing seemed to work. IDK what i could have done. I WANT TO BE back with her. it's killing me seriously. We didnt go out and do something really in a long time and i think that's where we messed up. I just want her to give me a chance and let me be the boyfriend she saw but never really got to know and wondered where he went. I need to show her that i am like that and that i was just scared and i was lost.

Another of our big arguments was that i wasn't talking enough. It was hard though because when I'd try to have a fun conversation all i would get is a response like "Cool" or Nice or Neat. Then i think i subconciously figured out that bad conversation got her attention not naughty conversations like not fun saddening conversations. Then she was unhappy with that because she thought that i was an emotional roller coaster.

It was so strange too because everything was good up until the night of thursday the fifth when i told her that i was really uncomfortable and stressed with the situation of her and her ex-bf. Then she told me that she didnt know why i was so affectionate and that it made her uncomfortable because we never went out and did things and she thought that all i wanted out of her was sexual things. That really wasnt true and we talked about it and got it settled. But i mean really it was the strangest thing. Wednesday night i was over at her house and we were cuddling and kissing and having fun and then thursday night our 4 month anniv. btw i talked to her about the situation with her ex. Then friday afternoon i say "i want to make this work. I want to b with you" Then she says "but i think this relationship is too stressful for either of us."

By that last statement she meant that I always asked her whats wrong or if she was ok but she was just quiet and content apparently. Also she was always worried about how i was feeling so that stressed her out. it was just a vicious circle but im honestly distraught.

I want her back so bad but idk if i should go back with her or how i should do it. Im about to cry writing this message. I never cry but when i think about not being with her and just not being able to hold her i get so upset and i hate myself for not being the boyfriend that she needed knowing full well that i am that guy and that i was just lost.

Experts opinion: Should i go back with her? How should i go about it?

[dancingdoc2]

Move on to the next person you want to date. I keep saying over and over, the purpose of dating is to find Mr./Ms. Right from among the masses of single people who enter your life. You want to sample what humanity has to offer and learn about different characters, likes, dislikes, morals, values, quirks, etc. Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Also, dating should be open ended and with non-exclusive relationships. Do not get serious until you are ready to settle down.

[newchris101]

thanks doc im just upset thats all...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Argh, if another teenager comes in saying he's fallen in love truly truly after only being with her for 4 damn months - I think I'm going to reach into the monitor and strangle him!

IDIOT!!!

You just scared the girl away by getting too damn intense too damn quickly. What did you expect to happen? That she'd fall in love with you and you'd be happliy married for ever and ever by the end of the week?? Sounds silly when I say it like that doesn't it? But that's how you appeared to her. You went from possible boyfriend to neurotic stalker in 4 months flat.

Next time: chill out, relax, give the girl room to breathe, let her make up her own mind about you before you start ordering the wedding invitations. Get an opinion - trust me, after you're married, you will never be permitted to have an opinion so your'd better use them all up beforehand. - about stuff. Build a life, get some direction in your life, and date as many girils as you can talk into it simultaneously to prevent you from prematurely getting all wrapped around the axle like this again.

[Dbondjuk]

You sound like me in a way. I did tons of things the wrong way with my EX and I was with her for 2.5 years. We started out great by doing tons of things, like going out with friends, parties, and just spending time together. Then it slowly died when I move in with her. All in all, we both were broke and she always felt bad when I paid for things, as I did when she did. It's all a learning experience, and after going through what I am now, I can tell you now I will never make those mistakes ever again.

Also, after being in a relationship for 2.5 years and living with someone, I think I can say that 4 months is nothing really. It usually takes about that long I'd think for you to really find out who your partner really is. In my case, it took 2.5 years, but I learned... I hope.

Move on, date around like EEK said, and get your life strait as well. I find it best that if you just live your life and do what you want to do and go for your long term goals, a women will appear in your life without you even realizing it. That is how it happened to me every time :P

[LickMyGamete]

Chris, I'm sorry but welcome to what every teenager goes through. Listen to doc and Evil.

[newchris101]

yea i was very happy with her. its just that i was scared and im not sure i want the relationship to be done. its scaring the crap out of me because it was so abrupt and ur right i probably wasnt in love with her EEK. But still i had strong feelings for her and it hurt.

[dancingdoc2]

Yup, Chris, and the hurt is a normal response. Expect to go thru this after most dating experiences run their course. Those that won't hurt are the short ones that don't go anywhere after one-four dates.

If you understand that the hurt is a normal part of ending a relationship and the relationship has not been a long in depth one, you should be able to put your feelings into perspective and move on relatively easily.

[newchris101]

yea but still its not that easy for some of us. i mean i wish it was real easy for me to pick up and go with other girls. plus the other day the ex gf was actually considering maybe going back to me. she told me with her own two lips.

its harder for guys to get girls bc girls can kiss a guy and bam the guy is theirs. It would be really difficult to see her with another guy and honestly its hard for me to think about other girls.

[EvilEvilKitten]

newchris - stop leading with your heart and it won't happen again.
Save your heart for the one you're going to marry - the one who 'steps up' and so on.

Just don't sit at home crying until she hoves into view - get out there and enjoy everyone who comes your way.