New boyfriend

[Evian]

I haven't been here in ages, but I have been going out with my new guy for a month now. We waited about 2 weeks before we had sex, and I got really upset because I didn't feel too special or anything but since then it just keeps getting better and better! I got stupidly drunk the other night and we had anal sex, which was amazing, but he was sober and I dread to think of what my wobbly cellulite- and stretch mark-ridden bum looks like!

I still haven't had an orgasm and am starting to get frustrated. All I want is someone to not give up on me! Maybe he doesn't want me to feel pressured, and I know a lot of it is me being inhibited because of my body. But I'm starting to feel like I did with my ex - kind of childish I suppose, "He gets off every time I see him, yet I never do, boo hoo!"

He has an AMAZING body too ... you can pretty much see every head of his triceps!!!

[dancingdoc2]

> I haven't been here in ages,

Welcome back!


> I got stupidly drunk the other night and we had anal sex,

The drunkenness was stupid. Alcohol mixes with few things.

> I dread to think of what my wobbly cellulite- and stretch mark-ridden bum looks like!

It is important to know and understand that when a person falls in love wiht a person s/he pretty much falls unconditionally and accepts all of the person including the parts as yet unseen. If he loves you and this is just not a FWB arrangement, then stop fearing about and worrying about piddly stuff.

> I still haven't had an orgasm and am starting to get frustrated. All I want is someone to not give up on me!

The important question is can you have an orgasm on your own? In other words, have you learned to masturbate and to climax regularly and consistently using your own hand? If not, then you must cross this bridge first. Each person is responsible for his/her own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can expect is to help our partner achieve them.

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

...and this companion article (both listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen.)

The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva

> Maybe he doesn't want me to feel pressured, and I know a lot of it is me being inhibited because of my body. But I'm starting to feel like I did with my ex - kind of childish I suppose, "He gets off every time I see him, yet I never do, boo hoo!"

Please read all of the articles pertaining to the female orgasm for more insight. Making love is not what we do to each other, it is what we do with and for each other in partnership.

If you are orgasmic then the two of you need to begin working together and communicating. When it comes time for making love verbal and non-verbal communications are key. Please do some reading. You will find the articles listed in the Index very helpful.


I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Evian]

The drunkenness was stupid. Alcohol mixes with few things.

-True - I drank it with 5 meds. Not clever.

It is important to know and understand that when a person falls in love wiht a person s/he pretty much falls unconditionally and accepts all of the person including the parts as yet unseen. If he loves you and this is just not a FWB arrangement, then stop fearing about and worrying about piddly stuff.

-I don't know if he does love me yet.


The important question is can you have an orgasm on your own? In other words, have you learned to masturbate and to climax regularly and consistently using your own hand?

-Yes...



Thanks for the links! I will read the articles/posts. I think my main problem is not relaxing or letting myself go enough.

[dancingdoc2]

> Thanks for the links! I will read the articles/posts. I think my main problem is not relaxing or letting myself go enough.

You're welcome. Please read the other articles listed in the Index. You will acquire much knowledge and insight.

Letting go comes with having self confidence, good self esteem, trust, and, being comfortable with each other. These take time to develop and mature; all the more reason not to rush into intimacy too early in the process of establishing a relationship

[EvilEvilKitten]

Evan please see the sticky post entitled The Program and have him do it to you.

While reading the steps, feel how receiving such attention will feel, and when you get to the end of The Program, listen to your body - how do you feel? Relaxed yet aroused? That's the ideal state and you will want to be in that state when you're with him.

Make it so.

[Evian]

Thanks, EEK, I don't know why but I don't get email notification when someone replies, so only just saw this now.

We are having a few issues ... sometimes he goes straight for the naughty bits before I am even properly into it, so I try and wriggle away or move his hands somewhere else, or just out-right tell him. The other night I said "You can't just DO that!" and he got upset and said it feels like I am doing "sex-by-numbers" which really upset me, because I am braver and more experimental with him than with anyone I have been with previously. I am pushing my own boundaries and confronting my fears a lot more, and he knows it, so I was very hurt by him saying that. We ended up rolling away from each other and going to sleep (aka him sleeping, me lying awake with furious tears running down my face, ended up going downstairs and cleaning & studying til 1am the night before my first day as a clinical medical student, ie. an important day I needed to be fresh and alert for). He said it felt like I expected him to do x,y and z before he was allowed near certain regions and I tried to tell him I needed to be more aroused otherwise just touching me there did nothing for me. The next morning he apologised quietly at least but suffice to say I wasn't very happy.

The next time we were in bed together I really didn't want to have sex out of fear that he thinks I follow some kind of routine, when I really wasn't aware that I did. So I told him that. And we ended up not having sex again. Then in the morning he rolled up next to me to spoon me (we normally never have time to cuddle in the mornings) but I wriggled my bum next to him and he started getting turned on. We nearly had sex but then he lost his erection when he put the condom on. (When we first got together he said he has never had any luck in the past with condoms as they turn him off, but he was prepared to try again and it seemed to not affect him until that morning) - I tried everything to turn him on but even a long blow job didn't help. The next time a few days later, the same thing happened.

I am all for using a better form of contraception with less failure rate, but for medical and ethical reasons can't use hormonal forms so I am pretty much screwed. Ugh!

~Evian

[EvilEvilKitten]

Apparently your bf thinks sex is ONLY "insert tab A ino slot B" - so YOU will have to 'educate' him differently. In this case: do The Program on him.

It may seem "sex by the numbers" because that was how it was written but then it was written at the most basic level of language so everyone could understand it.

What you are doing is increasing the intimacy in a slow continuous fashion so no one feels threatened, rushed, or unaroused. Take your time with this because anticipation helps. You want your partner to be screaming for you before you "insert tab A into slot B". IN this case you can get a man so incredibly fired up that he could wear 5000 condoms and still maintain an erection and have an orgasm.

BTW the bedroom is NOT the place to have sexual compatibility discussions. Before you get to the bedroom, tell him you have a little surprise for him BUT he MUST promise to just lie there and take it like a man or you will stop doing whatever you happen to be doing to him.