Saying i love you follow up

[newchris101]

so it seems that i may have said it a tad earlier than i actually should have. o well.
She told me to tell her how i felt instead of holding it in so i did. i told her flat out. she woke up and thats what i said when i was about to leave...

[dancingdoc2]

...(Dang!) I really dislike "cliff hangers"....

So, what happened next, or did you just keep on walking out the door?

[newchris101]

well i was kinda on my knees to kiss her and thats when i said it. She smiled and gave me a huge kiss. then she walked me to the door across the room. She was tired so i gave her like 2 more kisses and she moved up real close and leaned on me and hugged me.

So then once i got home i let her know i was home. She wanted to talk about it right away! So we got right on the phone. she asked if she heard me right and i said that yes she did. She asked why i said it. I said because i do. She said how do u know. (Most of my previous relationships had never gotten to this point. The one that did i never said i love you to and it tore me apart.)

So this is how i laid it out, doc. i told her that i made a mental list of pros and cons about her. Things that i liked and disliked. I couldnt find one thing to make me not like her. Yes, shes obnoxious and yea she can be a bitch and a pain but it doesnt matter to me. I know that everytime we argue over the phone or in person it doesnt matter because it doesnt change my feelings and i feel a connection and i dont like anyone else and every time that we are apart it sucks and i just want to be with her. I even thought to myself "maybe its lust". NOPE.

Our relationship is only minorly sexual. I dont need to have that with her to keep it going. I dont need to get a hand job or have sex but its not like i dont want those things. I just know that those arent the reasons why. I really hate being without her and 100% of my thoughts come back to her. And it sucks that i kept it bottled up. And also its not her looks i mean yeah shes pretty but thats not why im attracted to her. And shes smart. most of the girls i used to date were dumb as dirt and thats why the relationship never progressed.

So anyway after i got done explaining all of this to her she said that i was just basically explaining what lust is. I was pissed bc and i quote tom hanks "i may be stupid, but i know what love is." So her basis was that we dont argue enough... I agree i dont really like arguing and we do argue. like whenever we get on the phone we get into an argument of some kind. her view of an argument is shit getting thrown or punching walls. We both have pretty distorted views of love i guess. But still "we havent been through enough, we havent argued enough." Really thats your #1 argument?

We went through like 4 weeks of not really doing anything but arguing. Its a topic in my profile. All the topics about her ex and her cheating (she didnt its just a topic) were all from when we were fighting vigorously. check the dates and u judge. But i mean honestly i cant believe that not arguing was her main point. A lot of the time i just dont see the point in getting in a worked up argument.

Anyway back to the story as soon as she says that and gives me that reason we immediately begin to argue. WE ARGUED ABOUT ARGUING. HOW FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS!!!! But then i wanted to make her think about actually not saying it or whatever. And honestly i really do and i know how it feels to love someone like that. And honestly telling me that "no you dont you just feel lustful" That hurt a lot. it hurt so bad to hear that.

So then after a little more talking i fell asleep and we havent talked about it since then. this was friday the 27th and its now saturday the 28th. im distraught i dont know how to handle this.

[sweetnothings]

I don't think the argument point is a valid reason for her saying its lust not love. Maybe she just thinks its not possible for someone to be in love that soon. I'm sorry that happened to you, not really sure what you can do about it.

[newchris101]

i cant do anything about it but honestly we have been together for 4 months which isnt too long but its long enough to know. Its stupid because she bases everything off of experience with a fucking scumbag. im fucking done honestly i just want to leave everything and im not distraught over a girl fuck that.

Im pissed because i cant do anything right. I just want sleeping pills and i want to OD on them and just leave and not have to deal with people, school, pain, or anything anymore. i just want to die. I AM NOT DOING THIS BECAUSE OF THIS. I HATE LIFE AS IT IS I PROBABLY STILL WOULD DO IT IF SHE HAD SAID YES. as soon as i get sleeping pills im out.

[Ephemera]

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

You might as well give it a shot. It's a big gamble not to try everything.

ODing on sleeping pills is one of the worst ways to go, by the way. Your body will likely put up a REALLY good fight. In fact, here's a story about a man who tried to kill himself with sleeping pills.

3 years into my heroin addiction and a broken heart later, I swallowed sixty tylenol pms, and about 40 tussin 45's (prescription cold medicine). I wanted to die desperately but more importantly I wanted attention and so I told my sis that I would not be able to do her hair in the morning. With that she went downstairs and saw the empty bottles in the garbage can and told my parents. Within 20 minutes there was police at my bedroom door. I didn't resist because I was already feeling the effects. I just planned on going to sleep. The man in the ambulance chuckled. "You are going to be sorry" he said. Once inside the e.r., the woman asked me my name and with that I remember puking a purple liquid and then darkness. It wasn't until several days later that I awoke, partially, from a coma. I was in the ICU, restrained to my bed with a resident sitting next to me at all times. I was hallucinating and kept thinking I was smoking cigarettes and accidentally dropping them on the bed. The best part about it was the tube that ran from my nose down through my throat and into my stomach, pumping me full of all sorts of great stuff. It was so bothersome on my throat that I kept trying to rip it out and thus the restraints. And then followed the yucky stinky greenish yellow diahrea liquid that just kept creeping out of my butt. I couldn't stop it if I tried. I was quite attractive if I might add. And when I was finally aloowed to leave, I couldn't go home but instead to a pysch hospital where I was allowed to sign myself in. thus signing myself back out in 72 hours. And the moral of this story "Attempting suicide was THE dumbest thing to do!" We only have a short amount of time here on this earth. If it isn't worth living for yourself, then live for someone else. Live for a child in Africa who lost both of her parents to blood diamonds. Live for a child here in the USA in the year 2007 that thinks a mom who smokes crack and a dad that molests her is okay. Live for anyone but yourself and maybe if you can make just a little bit of difference in someone elses life, then just maybe they'll make a difference in your life. And if you are just indifferent to it all, don't waste your time because you're already dead.

Even if at this moment you're not giving your life any worth, think about those around you who do care about you. Your family, friends, your girlfriend. It's going to hurt them immensely if you try to kill yourself.

If you haven't realized it yet, it might not be a problem with your life, but a chemical imbalance. You might be ill. I would recommend seeking medical help before throwing in the towel.

There are many, many people, myself included, who would be very willing to talk to you about anything.

But, if none of the reasons above are enough, don't do it, because if you do, then I'm going to feel like sh*t for awhile.

[newchris101]

well thats not what this is about. i just want an answer from the dancing doc on this predicament. an answer to my long entry

[demonbuttercup]

Sorry you took the plunge to put your heart out on your sleeve and it got squashed. I agree your g/f is making excuses b/c she isn't ready to say it back?!? but I don't know why she doesn't just SAY that instead of trying to cause trouble?!?
You don't argue enuff? that's why u are in love? that doesn't make any damn sense. My b/f and I have been together for 8+ yrs and I can probably count on 1 hand the "arguments" we've had... and even then I am not the type of person to yell/scream/ break shit!! Yes I realize sometimes its good to get that out there... but for me I've never felt the need.

I don't remember if I saw how old you are... but we all go thru times when life just sucks!!! especially in High school. If everyone who was miserable during this time killed themselves... u know how many people would be left on the planet??!?!?
As you get older, you realize all that crap is so trivial and there is soooo much more out there to make you happy.
The whole planet is in a slump I'd guess due to economy and money troubles... so you aren't alone.

Hopefully Dancing Doc will be by soon w/ his pearls of wisdom
Hang in there!

[newchris101]

hey thanks a lot. seriously im not being sarcastic. But honestly i dont have money troubles or people troubles but what i do have is anger and passion. We dont fight enough was her main reason. HER MAIN REASON!!!!! I didnt think that arguing mattered that much. Its just that i think her ex messed with her head so much when she was young that she thinks that love means arguing and fucking shit up.

I know this all seems trivial to some people but shes one of the only things in this world that makes me happy. Honestly i hate her sometimes. Sometimes i dont want to see, speak to, hear about, or think about her. But i know that as soon as she comes over and smiles at me im fucking done lol. Im hers at that point everything else that i hate seems stupid and trivial.

It was weird because last night Saturday the 28th i called her and we talked for a good hour and a half. After about 95 minutes however we were both pretty much out of it looking to go to sleep. BTW one of her other arguments is that when we talked about saying i love u i wouldnt say it specifically. id beat around the bush. So anyway as i was about to get off the phone verbatim "U sleepy babe?" (sleepily) "yea hehe." "Do u want to go to sleep?" "yeah i cant stay up anymore" "ok i love u talk to me in the morning." "ok i love you too."

Bam! i said it first and she said it after. but maybe she was too tired. she has said things while tired that she wont remember. but then again maybe she was straight up telling me. And to address your question i dont want her to just say it and not mean it because if something were to happen and we were to not be together id get that thrown in my face. "I never really loved u."

[EvilEvilKitten]

WOW! What's with all the fighting? Call it what you will - arguing is NOT the sign that you're in love. Arguing is the sign that you two ARE NOT effectively communicating.

Arguing is about who's right and who's wrong - neither of you are either so STOP. Just stop. EVERY time she tries to 'pick a fight', either stop talking or change the subject. REFUSE TO ARGUE/FIGHT. Inform her that you refuse to fight and that you two will discuss this when she's calmer. No, you're 'not running from a fight' - you're inviting her to stop fighting and to start being an adult.

Now discussion is for problem solving and is NEVER done when angry or upset. It is NOT about who's right or wrong - it is two persons trying to find the best way to meet a common goal.

Your lady is confusing the emotions of arguing with the emotions of passionate love - the two are not the same.

It is time for you to start showing her how loving adults behave.