Help bf low sex drive

[Sexually_frustrated_24]

Hi

I am new to this site and need a bit of advice. I have been with my bf for 9 months. He is 27 and I am 24. When we started going out we connected sexually wanted each other all the time. My bf would always want to be around me and was constantly kissing me and lots more. However, as the relationship develops his sex drive is getting lower and lower. Started out with sex everytime we were together to maybe 1-2 times a month. He never gives oral anymore and when I try to start something he always has an excuse. I love giving oral and he doesn't even want that lately. We have talked about this and he just says he is stressed or tired or is sore. Also whenever we do have sex now he is sore for a few days after but it wan't like that in the begining. He even says that he is older and doesn't have the sex drive he once did, but he is only 27. I try to understand I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to. I even have got a few vibrators and other sex toys to try to pleasure myself. In the end I always feel bad after masturbating, I feel so unsexy and fell that my bf is just not attracted to me anymore. He says he loves me and is happy but I am so sad and feel like I am starting to become depressed. Please if anyone has any suggestions. I just don't want to feel rejected anymore.

Sexually Frustrated 24

[rosebanks]

the fact hes saying hes older now so his sex drived not as high as it was when u met, and you said that was only 9 months ago, quite frankly, is one of the worst excuses ive came across!

Talk to him about it properaly and demand the truth, as i feel he just may be getting abit bored... try spice it up a little...

[Innocence_100%]

Hey, truthfully I beleive that you need to sit your bf down one night soon and tell him how it is making you feel. Do NOT talk to him about why his sex drive is getting lower and lower, just tell him how it is making you feel. Tell him you feel rejected and what not. DO NOT LET HIM BULL SHIT YOU INTO FEELING GUILTY, WHICH HE WILL TRY TO DO PROBABLY!!! Do not fall for any of his "I'm so sorry, I'm just not as young as I used to be" because that is truely bull shit. Do not fall for any of his other excuses either.

After you have talked to him about how it makes you feel and he still does not improve then sit him down a DEMAND an answer or leave (is what I would do) because clearly you are not happy in this relationship sexually and sexual intercourse throughout the relationship is extremly improtant. The relationship will not survive without it (no matter what) so whats the point of you just wasting your time with it and getting sad and insecure.

Good luck

[EvilEvilKitten]

9 months and ALREADY he's acting like this?!?!?!

Well, you could talk with him; have him see a doctor or something but frankly, I'd dump him and get me someone new. At age 27 he should be more than "willing & able" to show someone he professes to love suitable physical proof of his love. BTW 1 or 2 a month is barely adequate. You should be enjoying each other 3 times per week at least.

[WildLucy]

I have had a similar problem, see here.

I think a lot of guys get bored if sex is too easy, tbh. I think they like a challenge.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If he 'needs a challenge' then he's got his head screwed on backwards and should be kicked to the curb forthwith. Blow his chance on being intimate with you because he 'needs conquest'?? Please.

[dancingdoc2]

> When we started going out we connected sexually wanted each other all the time. My bf would always want to be around me and was constantly kissing me and lots more. However, as the relationship develops his sex drive is getting lower and lower.

How is the rest of your relationship?

I ask because some fellas believe that once the hard work of wooing and seducing and bedding a woman have been accomplished, they won you thus no further work and effort is required--think they: off to the next conquest or interest. {By this I mean anything that interests them, be it a new car, a new computer or program, tinkering with some hobby, whatever.)

> when I try to start something he always has an excuse.

Is he tired?
Is he preoccupied by daily problems?
Is he feeling not quite up to par?

NO? Me thinks he may just not be that into you any more. It is either this, or what I said above. Anything or anybody worth having requires constant attention. Take the lawn and yard for one example. Ya don't plant the lawn seed and flowers and walk away to watch them flourish without some TLC, feeding, and trimming. Same goes for other things as well and this includes a relationship that is in reality a partnership. Get him to think of it as such and tell him he needs to put in the effort--and why.

A partnership is not 50/50, it is giving 100% in order to receive. {not "get")

> I always feel bad after masturbating, I feel so unsexy

Perish the thought, girl! Masturbating is making love to someone you like, so it has been said. I guarantee you that we of the male persuasion do not feel bad doing it two-three times a day or however frequently is necessary. I do understand the feeling of being rejected, yet these two do not go hand in hand.

> He says he loves me and is happy but I am so sad and feel like I am starting to become depressed.

Does he now? Why then does he not see the value in "cultivation"? Asked and answered, above. The two of you need to chat and tell each other what you want and why. He needs to see that some effort on his part is required as his obligation to maintaining a healthy partnership. If not, and let's say you move in together, get married, have children, and all that, while both are working, then I can also pretty much guarantee that you will be left caring for the kids, and, doing the cooking, and the cleaning, while he goes home after work, grabs a beer, maybe says "hi", sits down, burps, and watches TV for the rest of the evening--or, goes off to work on his vehicle or other hobby.

Maybe moving on is what you need to do. After nine moths of dating, it is time to look for someone more compatible, more responsible. This is what dating is all about. I've written an article on this that you can find in the Index located at the top of the screen.






> and fell that my bf is just not attracted to me anymore.

[leeishere]

As about the same age bloke, maybe I am qualified to say something, maybe not (everyone is different).

Personally, my sex-drive wants 2-4 nights a week at the moment, but every night is too much. I did however go though a stage of rather heavy stress a while back that substansually reduced my drive. Maybe you should have a quiet conversation about his work or anything else that might be causing stress?


The next thing to check is medications and physical/hormonal issues (yes! men have hormones too!) - see a doctor. It seems he was interested in a lot of sex a while back, so I would rule out a naturally low sex-drive.

The other alternative is that he is getting sex elsewere and thus doesn't have the energy for you. Check the other posibillities fully before even thinking about this.