Been dating for 4 months...help please

[iGlory15]

My girlfriend and i have been dating for 4 months now and i have givin her EVERY pleasure possible minus sex...yet she still wont pleasure me...she keeps saying she is not ready and that it will come in time... she says she loves me so much and i know she does. but i know that i pleasure her 1) because it gets me going 2) she enjoys it A LOT 3)i love making her feel good.

Any ideas of me knowing how to get her "ready" or if she really just doesn't want to do it...

Thanks'
Chris

[dancingdoc2]

BACK OFF and do not push.

Let her come to grip with her own sexuality, maturity, and shyness in her own way and time. Give her space. If it is to happen as she has told you it will, it will; if it is not to be, then you may have to decide whether to continue on as is for the foreseeable future.

If she enjoys doing what you are doing then continue to pleasure her by giving of yourself without demands or expectations. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other. For women, romance and sex are much more an emotional and mental activity than physical so it is often more difficult to make the leap to be that intimate and vulnerable.

You can help by just being there and doing what she likes.

[iGlory15]

I am never going to push her i respect her so much. I know that it will happen on her terms. i just want to have her be comfortable with me and i don't really know how to do that i guess i just need to gave her time and it will come thanks for the advice Doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

Relax - she knows that you feel the way you do and it does revolve in her mind - will she, won't she - she's thinking about it.

Consider what she's been taught - "the only guys want is to get in your pants" and so on. If she's been dating 'bad boys' and 'users' - she'll believe that nonsense even more. IF she's been molested and/or raped - she will have an extremely hard time trusting any man ever again.

DO NOT think that by waiting you're 'being easy' on her - you aren't. Every time you pleasure her, she feels guilty for not reciprocating. Never take advantage of this guilt. What you want is for her to fully accept her sexuality and to enjoy her desire for you.

Accept nothing less from her.

When she does begin making advances to you - hold off on accepting them. I know you want to yell YIPPEE and leap right on in but don't. She has convince you, now. In convincing you she will convince herself even more.

Got it?

[CrackBaby]

if she feels guilty for not giving back then continue as you are and maybe make it slightly but not bitchingwise more obvious that you are somewhat unfulfilled.

if she doesn't feel guilty at all and is sitting on simply "on my own time" then it's never going to happen unless she's drunk (not suggesting you make it that way). but to be honest a guy that runs into her drunk at a bar in this scenario has a better chance of having sex with her than you do.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Crackie - every time you post something you further prove that you know absolutely nothing about women, real women not those doormats you date.

[CrackBaby]

you guys are all fairly old women. 90% of the people asking for advice here are kids my age or younger and my advice applied to a way higher % of the chicks than your guys.

this girl is probably virginal, and no matter what story you guys want to give out about how you lost virginity, admit that the vast majority of you did it by accident to some random after not putting out to a guy who actually cared about you.

[sweetnothings]

I hardly ever reciprocated anything with my first boyfriend when I was in high school. I eventually "gave in" to fingering but had a hard time giving him anything back. It was probably 3 months at least until I could, and still then not very often. I had a different perspective back then, thought it was "wrong" and I felt "dirty." We broke up and I later learned to accept and embrace my sexuality, but I still waited for a boyfriend I cared about to lose my virginity to. Your girlfriend may not be ready any time soon, even though I really cared about my boyfriend at the time, it was MY issue, something that couldn't be rushed and I had to come to terms with it on my own.

[iGlory15]

thanks evil for your post it helped A LOT. and the fact that u stated that she feels guilty for not "giving back" is right on. she always says that she feels bad because i make her feel so good and pleasure her so much but she does nothing for me. i always tell her that i am ok with the fact that she is not ready and that i respect her and how she feels on the subject. thank you for your help its much appreciated

[odis85]

Originally Posted by CrackBaby

you guys are all fairly old women. 90% of the people asking for advice here are kids my age or younger and my advice applied to a way higher % of the chicks than your guys.

this girl is probably virginal, and no matter what story you guys want to give out about how you lost virginity, admit that the vast majority of you did it by accident to some random after not putting out to a guy who actually cared about you.

what part of sex do you think changed since she was 16? theres still 3 holes for a man to go into and only your imagination to prevent you from exploring the possibilities. also, as much as we would like to think that society has changed and matured positively, the only real change since 1910 is that we are now more 'socially free' and 'politically free' which has its pros and cons (more pros than cons but some cons do exist). she could be 150 and her knowledge is still very valid. also the human mind still develops the same way even though we try to push ourselves into certain directions faster. we have been doing this for the last 300 or more years. so like she said crack, you know far less than you think you do.