Exclusivity vs. Dating Around

[dancingdoc2]

> When you finally meet someone who sparks more than a little interest you will no longer want to see other people.

Precisely the reason not to stop with the first warm body who expresses an interest.

> I guess it depends on how old you are and what you want from life. As you get older you have a much clearer defination of where your life is heading.

Perhaps we do have a clearer definition; however, that is not the point of the debate--knowing who and what you want in a potential mate IS.

We stand a much better chance of learning this and finding a person with the characteristics we admire and desire the more people we date.

"Will you be my girl- boyfriend?" Really, this is just a question asked to see if you will continue dating the other person. We can find this out by simply using "Implied Consent" {explained elsewhere) and asking the person out. If s/he continues to accept you have a girl- boyfriend. Just because a person has one does not mean you can't date two or more at a time and be assured of more dating opportunities, less drama and trauma, and, having more fun. If one or none of these dates are what you are looking for, then continue the dating process with others who enter your life--until Mr./Ms. Right comes along.

Stopping the search prematurely with just one or two people is cutting your opportunities short.

-doc

[franceska]

Originally Posted by ExtraChrisB

Okay, so on this site I have noticed two different opinions regarding dating. I know DancinDoc and EEK are both for dating around, but on the other hand I know a lot of people consider exclusivity to be a better idea. So I wanted to create a thread for both sides of the table to toss around pros and cons of the other.

I honestly do understand both sides of the argument, but perhaps the rest of you can present some facet that the rest of us haven't thought of yet.

Why is dating around the way to go at a young age? Or why stay exclusive?

Tell me what you all think.

I think exclusive dating is well... exclusive, like if your out to get a girl you like you usually pick out the one girl you find most attractive right? Am I wrong?
I pick out the man of my dreams... guess what, I met him When I was 17 I thought he was 26... I found out he was 32 years old a couple of days later after we started dating. So I didn't really care he was my kind. I love him there's no one else I rather sleep with then him and to be honest, his cock is limp some times but either way hard or not I love him. Not to say we'll be together forever but at least we can fuck each other as much as we want until we get sick of it... which I don't think we ever will.... we have too much fun together.
Another plus is if you date exclusively then you can go get checked up together at the doctor and see if you both are healthy. if one of the lovers' has an std then they can either work something out, or leave them or just except they're uncomfortable disease even if it's life threatening and love each other till death do they part...
Which usually never happens...


I mean it's better to know where you cought shit from then to be in the dark because your a hoe and you have no idea where the disease came from at least you'll always have something to remember your lover by!!!!!!!!! lol

That's what I think!

[funinthesun]

Originally Posted by franceska

I think exclusive dating is well... exclusive, like if your out to get a girl you like you usually pick out the one girl you find most attractive right? Am I wrong?
I pick out the man of my dreams... guess what, I met him When I was 17 I thought he was 26... I found out he was 32 years old a couple of days later after we started dating. So I didn't really care he was my kind. I love him there's no one else I rather sleep with then him and to be honest, his cock is limp some times but either way hard or not I love him. Not to say we'll be together forever but at least we can fuck each other as much as we want until we get sick of it... which I don't think we ever will.... we have too much fun together.
Another plus is if you date exclusively then you can go get checked up together at the doctor and see if you both are healthy. if one of the lovers' has an std then they can either work something out, or leave them or just except they're uncomfortable disease even if it's life threatening and love each other till death do they part...
Which usually never happens...


I mean it's better to know where you cought shit from then to be in the dark because your a hoe and you have no idea where the disease came from at least you'll always have something to remember your lover by!!!!!!!!! lol

That's what I think!

What the heck was the point of this?

[Rouge]

There's something to be said for age and experience as well. Of course the kids in high schools and such are running around with "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" and live off the drama of things going wrong, but once you're older and a citizen of the real world you tend to be a lot more cautious about jumping into relationships. It can take me a good couple of months before I end up in a relationship with someone. My partner and I (odd circumstances, but still) didn't start our relationship until 5 months of knowing each other had gone by. In this time we were still active elsewhere and were looking around.

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

True love? OF course it exists but, once again, you have to go and find it - it does not - EVER - come to you. True love also does not hit you like lightning. It sneaks up on you from behind and when you finally see it - you realise it was always there, quietly waiting for you to catch up. True love is also found where you don't expect to find it, where you never dreamed you'd find it.

I have to agree fully with this. My partner and I were in a FWB relationship for quite a while and had a number of issues etc. I couldn't see it ever working, and was still keeping a lookout for "that special someone". After some time we ended up getting along very well (once we understood each other), and eventually started an exclusive relationship. We're completely happy and haven't looked back. A lot of work and time went into building this relationship, unlike the two-week relationships where people profess their undying love and then split up over who gets the last doughnut.

[EvilEvilKitten]

"I mean it's better to know where you cought shit from then to be in the dark because your a hoe and you have no idea where the disease came from at least you'll always have something to remember your lover by!!!!!!!!! lol"

Playing the field equals being a whore and NOT knowing who you are sleeping with?? And sex is guaranteed to give you a STD/STI??!?!

Get real!! Those are completely stupid statements! IT is about time you left the 1950's behind.

Condoms, BCPs, and paying attention solves ALL of those issues.

[franceska]

the point is that if he's going to sleep around than wear condoms... duh!


this is a sexual information site so relax... don't be a d....b.g.

by the way, [Mod. 3: Edited for content]

[EvilEvilKitten]

I can believe she's still 17.

[Sekcboi85]

Well, after getting out of my last relationship, I finally understand why Doc and EEK are such avid followers of dating. Dating without going exclusive really allows you to see what it is you really want. It's so hard to figure out a person just by a few dates, and by then, most people want to jump right into a relationship.

Now, I am not totally on the bandwagon because I believe in monogamy, and I really love the feeling of being in an exclusive relationship, but I won't be jumping into them so carelessly like I did before. I would much rather play the field and see who has what to offer, and then pick someone to try a long-term relationship with.

[EvilEvilKitten]

And...what does monogamy have to do with dating?
Monogamy is marriage which is different.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Sekcboi85

Well, after getting out of my last relationship, I finally understand why Doc and EEK are such avid followers of dating. Dating without going exclusive really allows you to see what it is you really want. It's so hard to figure out a person just by a few dates, and by then, most people want to jump right into a relationship.

As recently as just a couple of decades ago, "dating" was where it was at, so to speak, in which boys and girls went out with a mix of different people. Unless and until you do, you won't know for certain that "this person" is the "right person" for you. Just because s/he is "hot" is certainly no benchmark for building a future relationship.

A friend and I were talking about this last night; she reminded me that an important part of why people date is to see them in different settings, with a variety of wardrobe offerings, and to learn how s/he acts in public situations. This is but one test of a person's character, outlook on life, manners, mannerisms, etiquette, values, and morals. That said, a couple should also have an eye on having a good time together. The more people we date the more opportunities we have to explore new and different activities. The more people we date, the more opportunities we have for determining what characteristics and behaviors we want in a partner. The more people we date, the better our chances of finding these qualities in a potential mate.

Now, I am not totally on the bandwagon because I believe in monogamy, and I really love the feeling of being in an exclusive relationship

"Monogamy" is a way of life and as such does not require a contract. Dating has no contracts, therefore, monogamy can be expressed or implied by our actions toward each other. (Please read about the use of "Implied Consent" in one of the articles.)

Before considering an "exclusive relationship", understand that while this can be a lifestyle choice as noted, above, it is better IMHO to date openly and with as many people as possible, so that you can acquire a greater understanding of who and what you want in a potential partner. Exclusivity is fine, once you decide to settle down and have found Mr./Ms. Right.

I won't be jumping into them so carelessly like I did before. I would much rather play the field and see who has what to offer, and then pick someone to try a long-term relationship with.

Your last comment says it all, by Jove.

Once a couple says "I do", has a signed legally binding contract, then monogamy and cheating become important relationship parameters. Please read my replies to others over the past week or so with regard to dating. Just click on my name and go back thru about a weeks worth of posts. I have a little different way of explaining things than what is in the articles.

While two people can date each other, and perhaps others during the same period, if after a period of time the two of you decide not to date anybody else, you certainly can. Your behavior is implied, and no declaration is necessary. What gets people into trouble, especially teens with little experience and less emotional maturity is the drama and trauma that comes out of exclusivity and sense of "ownership" of the other person. Remove the exclusivity and much of the drama and trauma are eliminated, yet a couple can still choose to act and be committed to each other for whatever period of time works for them.

A couple can have all their social needs met and much of their emotional needs met by simply choosing to do things together and to be with each other and not actively choosing to date others. If, later, one or both of you decide the relationship is no longer meeting your needs then you can simply move on, no harm no foul; not so often the case having made a declaration that "I'm her boyfriend and she's my girlfriend", exclusively. My final word is: be in a relationship because you choose to be, not because you need to be.