Is my girl cheating read this and judge

[newchris101]

hello i would like some help. my girlfriend and i are young. we r going on 3 months of dating as boyfriend and girlfriend. her previous boyfriend was a long term guy he was around for 2 years.

he cheated on her and lied to her about his own drug use. he caused her anorexia and really ruined her life. she a little better now but recently her ex returned from rehab and is starting to want to her have her over and hangout again. he has a current gf but she has just cheated on him. she was also the girl that he cheated on my my gf with. but somehow she talks to him and they are trying to hangout again and i told her how i felt about cheating. she feels the same way and assures me that she can trust me and im the only guy she wants to be with and that its just a friend thing. honestly im just confused they did go out for two years and hangout like every other day so it could just be the friend aspect of their relationship. she always keeps exes around even guys she doesnt like. but i really dont know she just went over to smoke with him and a few other friends male and female. but i still dont trust them. I just need some help this is honestly tearing me to the point of suicide lol. help me out please!!!!!!

[dancingdoc2]

Well, with the divorce rate in the good ol' U.S. of A. at around fifty percent, you can pretty much be assured that most people who are older have had many girl- boy-friends and marriages. The predicament you describe is absolutely no cause for ending a life when all of us, you included, have much to live for, and years to do this in.

I understand that this bothers you compounded by the fact that as a young person you have few coping skills and prior experience upon which to draw.

I have said time and again on this site that the purpose of dating is to learn what humanity has to offer us in prospective mates. We date lots of people in order to learn about different characters, likes, dislikes, morals, values, etc. Dating does not begin with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Therefore, as a young person you should not be in an exclusive relationship. This shouldn't happen until you are ready to settle down and have found Ms. Right. In the meantime, date lots of girls, learn from each about the qualities they posses and the aspects you like.

A date can be one night out, a few, several, and then enter into a long term relationship that still might include others until you are ready to narrow the field. You are ill prepared to do this until well into your twenties, and even then there are no guarantees that a relationship or marriage will last beyond a few years.

Is she cheating? Don't know. I believe you should give her the benefit of the doubt until you have hard evidence that she is. A relationship is a partnership and works on trust. In order for a new relationship to get moving along, a certain amount of initial trust must be extended. Beyond this, trust is earned. Once broken, trust is difficult to impossible to rebuild. So, there are two examples of why a relationship can fail. If it should, then what? Are you going to kill yourself. Doubtful unless you are terribly insecure. Besides, most teens have relationships that fail for any number of reasons. If you date lots of people it is pretty much guaranteed that all of these people but two and then one will fall by the wayside as you learn, grow, mature, and discover--the one. You may do this more than once over the next several decades. Spouses die, separate and divorce, and people eventually move on. This is a fact of life that while hard to embrace is something you have to understand and expect.

People can have friends separate and apart from those that are common to the couple. If she wants to hang out with him, then I recommend that the two of you define your relationship and how much of this is acceptable. If she cannot be as exclusive as you desire, then you have a decision to make. This is another reason why you and she and everyone else you may encounter should be permitted to openly date with no exclusivity attached. All of you will become better more worldly individuals, and, there will not be all this drama and anxiety to deal with.

You have to trust her unless and until you have a real reason not to. Your worrying about this and wondering and your insecurity is unfounded right now. This is a learning experience for you and one in which you have to test your self esteem, self confidence, and, trust. Worry when there are facts to worry about--not until!

Now, go out and date lots of girls for the next few years, more than one at a time, and let each one know that you are dating others. This is a good thing.

[odis85]

lol well while i dont agree with doc's dating thing, doc probably knows better than i... in either case you can't let it get to you. i have seen my friend's relationships get ruined because one lost trust in the other and not because anyone cheated or did anything wrong... just gotta learn to calm down and relax because like you said, she keeps her exes around as friends.

[dancingdoc2]

It's not "doc's dating thing, it is how dating is defined and meant to be. No wonder the divorce rate is so high. No wonder teens are upset and stressed when a guy or gal breaks up with them. These stresses and trauma would not happen if there was no exclusivity until much later. Dating is a process to learn about others, find those characters and qualities among people we admire and would like in a mate, and then to find this person from among the many people we encounter and go out with.

Over the past twenty years or so, kids have not had much sex ed. or social ed. because of parents who work and do not have time to devote. So, kids want to belong and want to be loved and they fixate on the first warm body who shows an interest.

There is much information presented in the articles listed in the Index. I just wish more people would read them and learn. They all say they want information yet some complain that the answers are too long and involved. Tough. These are easier to digest than many sex manuals.

Another aspect of this site is that experience has much to share. We share our collective knowledge and skills based upon what works. Don't knock it. The trouble with a lot of young people moving up thru the ranks is that they are ruled by hormones, and, do not know what they do not know. The two are often at odds with each other.

[CrackBaby]

forget all that bullshit dude. if you don't like it and its making you feel shitty tell her. she'll make her decision. don't think about potential cheating.

for what it's worth, if she doesn't want to involve you while dealing with her ex (and goes over regularly), i pretty much guarantee that she is at least interested in him.

but you can't really expect an ultimatum or guilting her to turn out in your favour too much - chicks don't respect the code of honour and will avoid any difficult decisions in favour of whatever feels best (which if you are the one giving the ultimatum will tend to be her getting even closer to this guy).

you have to improve your own situation, if she were to feel as uncomfortable about you spending time with another girl she would probably be more appreciative of what you're feeling and then it would be a real fair trade for both of you to stop doing it - right now she finds it easy to just ignore or minimize your feelings.

so get out there and befriend more chicks, honestly the best way for a man to keep a solid footing in a relationship is to make it obvious that you could step out with another girl at any moment if you chose to but don't because you care for the person.

[newchris101]

really good advice from everyone. i only let it get to me bc we were supposed to hang out bc my parents werent home and i made those plans on monday night for friday night. but then i get into school and shes going out with all of them and smoking weed. then she says they didnt get any weed until later on which is true then she completely breaks our plans and stays until later with a whole group of friends. she says that had she not had work today she would have slept over. how does that make me feel?

She completely broke plans that i had made with her on monday evening. solid concrete plans. She goes out with her ex bf of 2 years and all her old friends and gets totally baked and then wants to sleep over! IM FUCKING ANGRY! but i dont know how to handle it because she always gives me a big kiss and tells me "you can trust me baby we r only friends and i only care about u like that". Also this friday was when i was going to tell her that i loved her. so i dont know what to do now.

[Eforcer]

I've been thru all that one to many times. They way I combated this problem was to always have another on the side. Yes I know it's not right to cheat. But, just for the record, they have dated before & they will be with each other physically without a doubt! Don't sweat it. Tell her that if she hangs with him again your out & you leave with your pride!!! JMO

[lucky24]

I honestly doubt she is cheating. however, i don't know you or your circumstances. however, I would never be with someone who is into drugs. it is a very true statement once a cheater always a cheater. the best advise i can give is to sit down with her. tell her you don' t like it and if she doesn't stop your going to leave. as much as you may love her, if she can't respect your wishes you deserve someone who can!!

[CrackBaby]

#1, don't take advice from chicks dude. read my post above and the guys under and do some combination of the two.

I want to throw a rider in here though, she's potentially playing you. Before you let yourself be alone, secure some other chicks first. Trust me, it will eliminate the deep depression that you will feel by just the breakup. Breakups are really tough on nice guys and we both know it could be a while before you have another chick in your stable - for her she could go out and get laid 10 minutes later if she wanted. Go out on some dates with another girl or two, develop some relationships there. Don't tell her about it, she's not being courteous to you, don't hate her for it, recognize everybody does what they want if they can get away with it. And you do the same.

[odis85]

i really dont agree with the cheating thing... but there is some truth to the idea that you may need to show her that you are with her because you wish to be... how you do that is an idea you have to come up with imho but also it may not be the best idea to show her that by telling her you care or by buying her things... i only feel this way because thats what i used to do and it never worked but i wish you better luck!