out of ideas

[rlgates]

hello again all.

I have not been around here cause, well, I was beliving I may have found somone, turns out, no..worng again. After paying for our last and only two dates, and me with out a job or income atm, turns out, I am not looking for the same things she is says her. Call it what you will, but, from my point of view, its still feels and looks like being used..

I have felt for a long time, that the next time I got shafted like this, I belived that I would never get over it or even feel like I wanted to..sad fact is, I belive I am right. I feel as if I have just lost the willpower to keep trying or to keep caring. Almost all the poeple I would care to think of being my friends are telling me that to just give up and stop asking them for help or even talking to them. Some firends hun?

Realy, I do feel like just giving up, laying down and just letting the life go out of me... I feel so hurt right now, Its a hell of a thing to come home and find out that someone you belived may have wanted the same things as you, telling you to move on by email.....

I guess I am just venting, as I dont have any friends to even talk to or would listen to me anymore. They say, No man is a island, how come I feel like one.. why do almost all women only want a man just so they can use him to make themself feel better and then kick him to the curb when they are done??

dating sites, myspace, family, friends, clubs, bars, singles nights, you name it, I have tryed it and to all no ends.. How does one live when you have no wish to keep going......

Someone on here once told me that I find have to know who I am and what I want first in order to find someone, I know WHO I am and WHAT I want, but just feels like no one cares bout it or is looking for me whatsoevery...

[Brandye]

If you have any special interests, join a club or guild or bund or whatever you call them and find women with similar interests. Start from there.

In the meantime, get a job and your outlook on life will improve.

[rlgates]

Originally Posted by Brandye

If you have any special interests, join a club or guild or bund or whatever you call them and find women with similar interests. Start from there.

In the meantime, get a job and your outlook on life will improve.

the things I am interested in, well, almost no women are into.

The job part, I have been trying, but, when you are getting told by fastfood places that you are dont have what it takes to work for them, what can you do? How much skill does it take to ask, Do you want frys with that?

It just not my out look, brandye, I have been getting this for years.. the last 10 at least. To give you a idea, I have been on Eharmony for the last 5 years, all but one year payed for, I have had over 6000 matches, all with in 75 miles of were I am living, to date, Not one of them have every replyed or said anything. Must are closed just as soon as I am matched to them. Oh belive me, Im trying..just getting to the point were my body, heart, mind and soul are all saying its not worth the pain anymore..

[Ephemera]

I know the "used" feeling.

But don't worry, most of the time I don't think it's on purpose, nor that it's malicious on their part.

A good formula, in my opinion, for dating is that on the first date you meet for coffee or something similar, second date is a walk through the park, getting some ice cream, etc. Third date is dinner.

This gives you a chance to get to know the person you're dating before putting a lot of money into one date.

This is also helpful in another way - many women will not feel attracted to a man who spends a lot of money on them. Think about it this way - you take a girl who you don't know out to a nice dinner, she seems to have a good time, but at the end of the night you walk away without a kiss.

Why?

Because, I think, many women feel a weird sort of pressure when a man they hardly know spends a lot of money on them. It's as if they owe him something. It's uncomfortable.

That's my $0.02 cents anyway. Many people will give you differing opinions.

And keep your head up. Dating properly is an acquired skill. Once you realize that, the whole thing will become less daunting.

You seem like a nice, intelligent, sincere guy. It would be a real shame to the world if you gave up on dating. Women, though many don't know it, want to find guys like you.

All that's left for you is to make them realize it.

[rlgates]

sorry Ephemera,

but I have been trying for 10 years after high school, 4 years during and I have the slap marks on my face to show it that dating and most women in general suck! Me and this person had been talking for almost 3 weeks, meet in person more then once before I even asked her out. Im out of ideas, and out of the will to even give a sh*t about it at all.

im just tried and sick of being used as a doormat... Why cant people say what they realy mean and not want to just play with your mind till they are tired of you and move on.

Why can a women, hurt by others say one thing to you and f*ck you around and over just to make herself feel better.. The only thing that does is cause the person who got f*ck over go out and do it to someone else, and they do it to someone else and so on and so on...

14 years, no one person has every been what or who they say they are... how does one wish to keep going when every part of there being is screaming for them to end the pain they are feeling.. No one has every told me that or tryed to even know me with out leading me on till they find something better..

[Eforcer]

I've been thorough all that drama & I too have given up on finding the ONE! Now I'm having casual sex with a customer & a mother from my daughter's school. : ) No committments & loving it! My daughter comes first, everyone else is last. PERIOD!


Good luck & don't worry bout the small stuff. Your a better person for just stating your feelings, instead of hiding under a rock!.

[CrackBaby]

change your life dude from the ground up. chicks can sense that you are deeply depressed and things are not right.

go see a shrink or something. main thing though is get that job, you need to stop making excuses and go out there and get it. i feel like maybe you need someone that feels more pathetic than you do so maybe try rehab clinics etc? try volunteering some?

[rlgates]

lucky you Eforcer, I cant even find that....

as for you CrackBaby,

one, I have been job hunting for the last 4 months, they are not out there. Not even part time..

two, well, I have no idea what to say two about.

[odis85]

i know how it feels man... i've been cheated on in 5 out of 10ish relationships... only twice have i felt that i wasn't being used in some way and i've only actually had 1 good relationship... im almost out of college now and i sit and think about all the conversations i've overheard and the only conclusion i can draw is this... most of us do it to ourselves but some of us just get steam rolled for trying... i've recently given up on dating. it just hurts too much.

[Ephemera]

I was reading over your post again. There's a certain poem by Robert Creeley to describe what you're feeling, I think. "No man is an island" indeed.

LA NOCHE

In the court-
yard at midnight, at

midnight. The moon is
locked in itself, to

a man a
familiar thing.

- Robert Creeley

Many people at one point in their lives will go through what you're going through. The job thing is annoying, I'm sure it is. I personally have never had to deal with that.

I don't know what type of jobs you're looking for, but the fact is that there are jobs. They may not be immediately available. You may have to move to find them. The economy's shitty right now, but intelligent people are always in demand. You seem to be an intelligent person. Keep your head up and keep trying. Things will get better.

I understand that you're just venting. Just remember that, even if your friends are disappointing you, there are people to talk to who are compassionate.

There are many such people on this board. Many of them will talk to you if you need someone.