can you really trust

[jordan27]

I met this Guy online and i got to know him i think real well. I left my bf for this new guy. I've seen what he looks like and he's seen what i look like and we both think the other is cute. We talk about everything we can think of. I have been telling him the truth about everything that we talk about.But how do i kknow if he's been telling me the truth. He asked Me to move out of state to live with him. I want to but i don't know what to do. He has cleared out half his closet for my stuff along with his drawers. He's already looking for a job for me. Tells me He Cares Alot about me. We Both know its not love. But there is a real strong feeling i can't seem to shake. He has already treated me Better than any of my other ex and i never even met him face to face. Should i give it a try.

[summer_in_love]

How have you seen eachother? still pictures, or web cam? And if you do go to live with him if you are ABSOLUTELY sure he's who he says he is, then take someone to help you move there, tell them EXACTLY where and when you are going to be some place. I'm not saying internat relationships cant work i'm just saying BECAREFUL he may be a great guy, but there is always that chance he could be some sick freak, so just BECAREFUL whatever you do

[amy_simcott]

My GF falls for an online guy? HELP PLEASE!
I say you read some of the replies people have said about this online thing, based from on online game but there is some good info here.

[dancingdoc2]

I think we are ready to live together!!
We frequently hear about people living together who later find that one, the other, or both are not happy living together. Similarly, we frequently read a post in which a couple is contemplating moving in together and looking for a suitable residence. Here is an initial Check List.

> I met this Guy online and i got to know him i think real well.

When did the two of you first find each other on the net?

> I left my bf for this new guy. I've seen what he looks like and he's seen what i look like and we both think the other is cute.

What? Did you exchange provocative? Nude? X-rated photo, or, have you seen him up close and personal and I do not mean Skype or similar internet telephone connection.

> He asked Me to move out of state to live with him. I want to but i don't know what to do. He has cleared out half his closet for my stuff along with his drawers. He's already looking for a job for me. Tells me He Cares Alot about me. We Both know its not love. But there is a real strong feeling i can't seem to shake. He has already treated me Better than any of my other ex and i never even met him face to face. Should i give it a try.

This is just immature lust coupled with a new feeling of having some attention lavished upon you.

* Please read the article linked, above.
* How well can you begin to know someone who is little more than a modern day pen-pal? To fully know a person you must have a continuous up close and personal interaction with an individual. You must assess his/her moods, vocal inflections, actions and reactions, etc., et cetera, etc. You cannot do this very well if at all talking on the phone, or, corresponding by whatever means. If you are not face to face with the person, s/he can be or say anything true or not and you have little or no actual foundation upon which to judge what is happening. THINK, woman.
* Exchanging photographs is nice. Sending a relative stranger a nude image of you is irresponsible. This is especially so over the internet. You have absolutely no idea where those pictures will end up and who else will see them.
* What sort of home or apartment does he have? What type of neighborhood? I'd want to see it and how he keeps it before committing to anything. If it is a typically cluttered dusty bachelor pad, and you are uncomfortable with this, THINK, woman.
* What type of work does he do and for how long has he worked at this job? What financial arrangements has he made for you until you get a job in this poor job market? Will he share his income or keep you on a tight leash?
* If this person is miles away from you and you have not met in person, you cannot legitimately state that he treats you better than other men have--or will continue to in the future. You need to be around him and evaluate his actions over time in the real world, not cyberspace.
* How can he care a lot about you when he hasn't met you? This exposure and evaluation process works in reverse, also.

If you do decide to throw caution to the wind, I would not fly off or drive off or otherwise travel to meet this man alone. No way in Hell, no way in a perfect world. Have a trusted friend travel with you and stay around for a while. He can turn on the charm all he wants when he is there and you are "here", yet become quite a different person when he has you within his influence. THINK woman.

If you want to travel to meet him, plan to stay in a motel and if you want to keep the friendship going, find an inexpensive apartment and live separately for a minimum of six months. Find your own source of employment, get settled, decide if you like him, his friends, his habits, his ethics, his plans, his breath, and then decide in six months to a year if he is a genuine keeper.

Your story is scary beyond words. If you do what he is proposing, now, you may be taking a bigger risk than you are capable of dealing with. You cannot afford to take chances like this.

How do you trust him? How do you believe him? By being around him over several months. He has no reason to be accountable when you are not there and this is why he can be anybody or say anything that he knows pleases you. THINK woman. It is not real. At the beginning of any relationship a certain amount of trust must be extended just to get the ball rolling. After that, TRUST IS EARNED by watching how the other person acts and behaves. Trust, once broken, is difficult to impossible to reestablish.

There are too many news stories of girls and women who like you, meet a stranger on the internet, correspond, believe his B.S. fly off to meet him and are never heard from again. Now, having said that, he could be the greatest fella out there and everything he says he is, yet until you spend the better part of a year with him, you will never know for certain. You will never be sure he is Mr. Right, regardless of his personality and other qualities. The same goes for a man you meet locally.

Unless there was something very wrong with your last boyfriend, it is just juvenile to leave him for what amounts to little more than a storybook fantasy of what you are looking for yet didn't find with the fella you dumped. Better me thinks to find a new guy in your locale. I've said it over and over: dating does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. Dating is about learning what humanity has to offer in order to be better able to determine when Mr./Ms. Right does come along. Finding people to date involves your family and friends. This is called "networking" because the more people you have looking on your behalf the greater your chances for finding suitable (pre-screened) men to date.

[jackcollins]

umm yea give it a try ,no harm i fink but b careful if ye don't trust him verywell .
Bless You

[sera300]

Originally Posted by jackcollins

umm yea give it a try ,no harm i fink but b careful if ye don't trust him verywell .
Bless You

Think perhaps writing in standard English & something noteworthy, may be appropriate?

All I have seen are 30 something posts of bad English & nothing of substance.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by jackcollins

umm yea give it a try ,no harm i fink but b careful if ye don't trust him verywell .
Bless You

Sera, I became curious so checked this guy's stats, so far he has 32 posts, of which only about four have any actual value. Trying to read his shorthand gibberish reduces any impact he may be trying to have. So far I think Jack has an inferiority complex and just likes to see his name in print.

Jack, how can you responsibly encourage this woman to "give it a try, no harm", yet also tell her to be careful if...? If you find fault with a particular reply, then offer a counter argument supported with facts, figures, or at the very least, additional information to think about.

Stop using the cryptic writing, it is annoying. This site has several hundred people reading and contributing, you are the only one who is not taking the time or interest to write in plain English. For some members of our community, English is not their primary language and to try and figure out what you are saying is throwing an extra burden on these fine folk. Please get with the program. If you want your thoughts to be taken seriously, then supply substance, and don't spout off just to let it be known you are still lurking about.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Jordan,
I, a woman with eons of experience and with people watching my back, will not, DEFINITELY WILL NOT, even go to another swing couple's home by myself WITHOUT meeting and talking to them both in person at a public venue first. I'd take a teddybear with me for the first time as well. So what makes you think you're worth less concern than me?

Why do you think it is okay to ditch everything for this on-line guy?

WHAT YOU ARE PROPOSING TO DO IS NOT RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR.

Next point, ANY MAN WHO WOULD ASK YOU TO DO THIS IS NOT WORTHY.

A gentlemen would understand your need for physical security and would NOT ask you to do anything like this. He would be taking this 'romance' slower than you would like. He would want to meet you several times in increasingly intimate ways before even thinking of living with you. You could be psycho and he would want to ensure his safety as well. And he'd be looking for women closer to him so he could spend a great deal of time with them - getting to know them - in real life.

So why isn't he doing what a gentleman would?

Because he ISN'T one.

HE'S A PREDATOR.

Stop talking to him. Period. End of story. Do not bother to say goodbye. He's obviously skilled at manipulating you into doing whatever he wants you to do, witness you dumping a real-life guy for this phantom, so STFU and have nothing, NOTHING, more to do with him. Drop off the face of the earth as far as he's concerned. Change your handles, your phone number - everything - just DO IT.

Next: learn to give a damn about yourself. You are worth better than this sort of thing. In this world you get pretty much what you think you deserve - demand more from men up front and they will deliver because they will believe that you are worth the effort. If you believe in yourself, so will they.

BEGIN NOW.

[dancingdoc2]

> > He asked Me to move out of state to live with him. I want to but i don't know what to do. He has cleared out half his closet for my stuff along with his drawers.

Why isn't he taking the initiative and traveling to visit you? It seems to me that any man of character would be hopping the first airplane out of "Dodge" in order to meet you, charm you, and give you the opportunity on your home turf to check him out. THINK woman, he is asking you to travel to him. Has he offered to purchase a two-way ticket for you?

I would not consider traveling unless you have a return ticket paid for.

I would not consider traveling unless you can afford the trip and expenses yourself.

OH, and as a topic of conversation by the fireplace or on the sofa, you should inquire as to how much money he has in savings and what his credit card debt is. If the first is low without good reason and the second is high regardless of the explanation, THINK woman.

Hypothetically, let's say you move in with him and are unable to find employment, considering what the present economy is--what then? Is he willing and able to support you? Can the two of you comfortably live on a single income? THINK woman.

[dancingdoc2]

Unfortunately, EEKs reply got in before my second one. I believe her comments should be the final word on this subject.

FINI-