women keep trying to be my friend!

[ChrisJetee]

I keep getting the same sort of reaction from women, and it is essentially,

"your a great guy,you'd be perfect for someone else, but I think we should just be friends"

at first the thought is this is just them trying to be nice, and the whole, lets just be friends thing I assume they either feel guilty or whatever you know how it goes, we'll see one movie "as friends" then I'll never hear from them again, but that's not it, they get all "i had a great time" and actually put in the ground work for a legit friendship. It keeps happening!

Anyways, I don't know if anyone else finds themselves in these scenarios, but i legitimately don't understand, I'm very driven towards my own goals in life, so half the time these start with them approaching me in a romantic manor. I figure i'll meet the right girl when the time comes, but i don't understand the sudden change that keeps happening.

[dlb]

If they truly show themselves to be friends they might actually hook you up with someone that you can have a great relationship with! But until that happens just keep casting your line until you hook one on your own. And you will.

[AussieBloke]

Alright mate.. take your right hand. Insert it down your pants, have a feel.. not a play, a feel. You feel them? No.. you dont? Thats because you dont have any. Grow a set.

Woman like challenges, not doormats. Danger and spontenaity not predictability. Backbone not spineless. At the moment, your presenting yourself (for whatever reason) as someone without a backbone, not a man. Stand the f*ck up and be counted.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Hold on, Aussie - GIRLS like those things - WOMEN don't. That's one way you can tell the difference in a female's mental age, essential character, and emotional growth. Girls or Woman? Does she want danger? If yes, then she's a girl.

It isn't so much as you being spineless, CJ, it is the anxiety you seem to be portraying. Much depends upon your physical presence. If you're 4 foot nothing tall then you're not going to be able to pull off much in the way of being physically impressive. ALL females prefer a man with some presence, either from being 6 foot or more tall or from his calm yet appreciative attitude.

Calm yet appreciative. There's also the question of chemistry and something I call acceptance.

This was in a crowded bar full of swingers. There wasn't anything 'special' about him. He was just sitting at the bar looking around, watching the people and yet - and yet- and yet- damn. I simply had to wander over and 'introduce' myself by standing between his knees, he was sitting you'll remember, putting two fingers beneath his chin to lift his lips to mine and kissing him and then saying "Hi." He was willing to accept whatever I had in mind. He was calm, relaxed, amused, perhaps bewildered - I don't know. Friends? Not a chance. Challenge - nope, not a bit of it. But playmate - oh my yes. I never did get his name.

My point: calm down, be open and willing yet relaxed and let the lady tell you what she has in mind.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by ChrisJetee

I keep getting the same sort of reaction from women, and it is essentially, "your a great guy,you'd be perfect for someone else, but I think we should just be friends"

at first the thought is this is just them trying to be nice, and the whole, lets just be friends thing I assume they either feel guilty or whatever you know how it goes, we'll see one movie "as friends" then I'll never hear from them again, but that's not it, they get all "i had a great time" and actually put in the ground work for a legit friendship. It keeps happening! Anyways, I don't know if anyone else finds themselves in these scenarios, but i legitimately don't understand

The women are playing the dating game the way they should, you seem not to see their actions for what they are. Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us; rather, we should go on dates with many people over time in order to learn what humanity has to offer us as well as us learning more about people's characters, personalities, quirks, likes, dislikes, interests, morals, values, etc., et cetera, etc. Why? So we will be better able to recognize when Mr./Ms. Right steps into our life, and, from all these experiences, to have a better understanding of what we want in a partner.

I'm very driven towards my own goals in life, so half the time these start with them approaching me in a romantic manor. I figure i'll meet the right girl when the time comes, but i don't understand the sudden change that keeps happening.

Now that you understand the rules of dating, jump in and be a player, too, by asking as many women out as you can. As with what has been happening to you, some people you talk to or have an introductory dinner with may not be the person you want to have a second or third date with; others you will and of some of these maybe that is as far as it goes. Some one or two you will date long term and hopefully one will be a "keeper". Even if she is not "thee one", keep dating keep on trying.

Do some networking in order to become more widely known. Tell family, friends, and coworkers, (even enemies), that you are interested in dating and ask that if they know of an available woman to put you in touch with her. The more people you have working on your behalf, the greater your chances of finding likely people to date.

What these women have been doing is introducing themselves to you, doing an initial evaluation of you and deciding that for one or more reasons are not what they are looking for. This may not have anything to do with a failing on your part at all, just that she is looking for qualities or something you do not seem to posses. Do not take this personally. You'll be doing the same thing once you get in the game. Eventually, you should run into a person who just seems to be a comfortable fit with who you are and likewise, who she is. The important part of this is to understand that the more people you are exposed to the greater your chances of finding Ms. Right.

If all you have is an introduction, fine. If all you have is a dinner or a movie, fine. If you go one two or more dates--GREAT! And, so it goes. Now, get out there and talk to people, and hopefully you'll find one you want to ask out. The more people you talk to, the greater your chances for dinner. The more people you have dinner with the greater the likelihood you will date for quite awhile. From these experiences, if you keep the dating game going, the greater your chances for finding "her". Go talk to your friends and begin the networking process.

[ChrisJetee]

...i read all of that and yet I'm not sure i got much out of anyone's advice. So I'm just going to elaborate a bit here. When I say they want to be friends i mean they keep wanting to be friends for the long term. I'm not spineless or very anxious for that matter, at 6'3 with my kind of outgoing personality I'm more than comfortable and capable of being the center of attention. I don't have a problem asking women out, or even getting laid.

I just find the opposite sex really wants to be friends with me, I don't get it but if i was to make a list of my closest friends about 2/3 are women and about 1/3 are ex's of some sort. Hell I only have one ex I don't get along with and that's cause she "found religion" if you can call it that, and disconnected from everyone she used to know.

In terms of finding "her" not really to worried about that, i've kind of found my love in my work and it generally keeps me happy and busy until I meet "her". I find there isn't much sense in going out and looking for "her" because I really have better things to do with my time than chase women, besides they do seem to come to me in a pretty regular fashion. I was more interested in what people thought about the sort of sudden changes that always happens, it happens often enough that it really is a pattern.

We are all going to meet people we think were interested in and then aren't, but I don't get the continued interest in me they often express. I've had one night stands that want to go for coffee and talk and establish long meaningful friendships when i express to them that, sorry it was a one night stand and i've got stuff to do. Logic tells me women should be either offended its not a relationship or want to be fuck buddies or whatever, but I still get at least a half dozen texts a week from this one women who seems to be happily in a relationship with someone else. Always asking how I'm doing, if I have time for coffee, how my latest project is going. I don't mind the interest, and i've gotten jobs this way, met great people through the most random places, but i;m always confused by the shear effort some of these women put into being my friend.

None of my male friends find its this way, and none of my female friends have another guy friend who has the same sort of situation, I'm more curious than desperate.

and as for aussieblock, i've worked in war zones, so sorry if I think i've been in situations that would make you wet yourself.

[sera300]

Perhaps you are too accommodating to women, meaning those you date?

Or women are drawn to you as a friend. The majority of my friends are males.

[revlon19]

does this usually happen after you guys check out the bedroom scene together?

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG.

You have better things to do and it was just a one night stand honey so thanks for the fuck but run along now.

Do I have the gist of that correctly?

Or are you becoming confused about the different ways men and women handle friendships? It may be that the women are simply keeping tabs on you as part of their wider social scene. Women also tend to be more personal in their friendships and chatty. Men tend to grunt at one another and to be content with contact once a decade. It is just a difference in style and you may think its "too close" while they think its just normal.

[ChrisJetee]

Rev- i'd say 50-50, but like the one night stand example, I don't usually pursue a long term sexual relationship. Its a one time thing, or its monogamous relationship, I kind of like it cut and dry like that, other wise I worry about STI's. Heath problems would keep my from traveling and that's not really an option with my work, so for me an open relationship isn't worth the risk.

Kitten, you've got the gist, and you may be on to something, I may be interrupting keeping in touch with attempts at real friendship, although its the persistence that I really don't get. I feel like i'm leading them on, and then when i bring it up the usual response is along the lines of, Oh no, were just friends, I understand.