embarassed

[stlou87]

So I'm not completely sure which forum I should post this in, but here's my dilemma:

I had been dating this girl for almost two years now...I broke up with her a little over three weeks ago because we were going different directions in our lives...both of us were moving and while she wanted to stay together, I didn't want to do the long distance (which was quite long). I told her that I cared a lot about her and that if we were meant to be, we were meant to be. I care about her deeply but decided to start a new chapter in my life...being single being a part of that chapter.

So, I started casually seeing a girl who I had always been mildly interested in. Finally the sex came around and I couldn't get it up. Not even a little. I could tell my body was turned on but my guy was just saying "no!" I mean I guess I was feeling a little guilty because I had just recently broken up with my previous girl, but I was very embarrassed. I explained my situation and she understood (she is actually a mild acquaintance of my ex) and so I brushed it off, blaming it on nerves.

Two days later we ended up back at her place and once again, nothing "came up." We talked some more, played around and finally I just said "screw it, I'm getting hard" and just started doing my best manually to get it up. It finally worked but it was a weak hard on. We start having sex and I didn't last too long, no more than a few minutes. This scared and surprised that crap out of me because I had always been able to go for a decent amount of time, usually able to satisfy my partner.

I'm just dumbfounded and kind of nervous about whats happening. I like this new girl but I'm afraid this problem is going to arise again, and I really don't know if my ego can take it....

Any ideas?

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

YUP! you are more than likely correct, chalk your lack of an erection to Performance Anxiety. The fix, as simple as it sounds is sometimes a bit harder to accomplish, yet it is simply to stop worrying. This is a new relationship, you do not know each other all that well as lovers and should probably spend more time getting tuned into each other. The same goes for making love. Spend a lot of time making out--you know: Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, and, Foreplay, all before getting down to the intercourse part. Spend no less than half an hour to all this and more within reason if convenient.

You can have an orgasm without an erection, so if it fails, at least you can finish.

If you want an orgasm as a result of a hand job and/or oral, show her how you do it and then guide her hand over a few sessions until she can mimic your technique. Give her feedback along the way.

If you want a climax as a result of intercourse then make sure you are well aroused before beginning. All too often nowadays, guys operate under the misguided misconception that the way to a great orgasm is from lots and lots of stroking. Wrong. This is the "why" of making out beforehand.

As for how long it does take to climax, if it is less than ten minutes and longer than one, you are doing just fine.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The Fragile Male Ego. *Yawn*

Pardon me, but really we all know and we have all been there and yes, women get rejected too and have to learn how to deal with it. Myself included.

When this happens - you are thinking too much of yourself. I know, I know - hard to believe but any anxiety on your part is going to cause this. The 100% effective solution is to FOCUS solely and intently upon your partner.

Now then, elsewhere in here is a pair of sticky posts that will help you out tremendously, in many situations including this one. They are entitled The Program and Body Worship. Hunt them down and practice them - working to develop an awesome skill level so women will be beating down your door to get a chance with you. Hey! It could happen.

You are to focus upon her reactions and responses - what does she like, what does she hate, what does she really respond too, does she like the back of her knees lightly licked while you're also doing this with your right hand and this with your left? See what I mean?

Besides which, you still have two hands and a mouth - you're not entirely without the means to induce pleasure.

As you grow more comfortable with her, enjoying sex with her, and relaxing into your new skill level, you will also notice a wonderful ability - to have and keep a nice hard and strong erection. And this time - you'll REALLY know what to do with it.

Then we can work on getting you to become multi-orgasmic through the use of Edge Play.

[AussieBloke]

EEK pretty much covered it all for ya mate.. but one more thing. I know your probably stressing about it, but try not to. Dont go making a big drama out of it - because then, when you start stressing and worrying, thats when we really will have a problem.