jealous?

[austnn]

This is my first relationship and I'm struggling with something and need a little advice.
I've been in a relationship for 3 months now. It's getting serious.
We started talking about sex about a month ago.
I told her that I was a virgin, and I was waiting for the right girl.
And while we were talking I was curious and I asked "What all have you done with a guy?". More or less I just wanted to know how many guys she may or may not of been with.
Is this wrong of me?
I got this as an answer "ummhmmm pass"......

Well, we ended up having sex. One night while fooling around I asked if she was a virgin before she met me. She told me YES. Also in pass messages we have shared she talked as if she was one and that she was waiting for the right guy and wanted to be "pure" for when she married.

Several nights ago she decided to tell me about this one guy that "forced" himself on her. There was no drinking involved. But, he forced it. And yet, she has remained friends with this guy. They aren't close anymore.
But, they were after the alleged "forced" sex.

I just feel like I'm being lied to or not completely honest with.
I think it's more of the mystery that bothers me.

Should I just forget all of this and put it behind me?
Or confront her about it?
If so what should I say or how should I go about it?

Sorry for the long post. I'm real indecisive here and I need advice.

Thanks.

[dancingdoc2]

Yes! absolutely forget about it.

Your sex life is your business. Her past escapades are also her business. Inquiring how many people a person has been with, who they are, what sort of people they are, what they did, how, when, etc., just causes angst in the long run. The main reason a guy wants to know what his new girlfriend has been doing is to somehow compare to see how he measures up experience- and performance-wise. This is his fragile male ego getting in the way.

The only time it is important to have information about a person's prior history is if there is a medical or other important reason to share.

Here is a link to an article that will explain all this. You will find this and many more helpful articles listed in the Index found at the top of the Main screen.

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

> I was curious and I asked "What all have you done with a guy?". More or less I just wanted to know how many guys she may or may not of been with. Is this wrong of me?

What is wrong is in asking the wrong question. If you want to know how many other boyfriends she had, ask that question.
If you want to know "what all have you done with a guy", ask that question. Quit playing footsies.

> I just feel like I'm being lied to or not completely honest with.
> I think it's more of the mystery that bothers me.

Maybe she lied, maybe not. It is not your concern at this point. In order for a new relationship to get started, a certain amount of trust must be given. After that as things progress, trust is earned. Watch how she behaves before making a judgment. She may be embarrassed, ashamed, or, simply believes as noted, above, that none of this is your business.

What should concern you is the present and the future. There is only now--the future has not happened and is yet to be created. Work on this. The only history that should matter is the one the two of you have created.

[EvilEvilKitten]

austnn

The ONLY thing that matters is what is between you and her.

Yes, it is your fragile male ego talking - and nothing bores a woman more. Get over it already! She's with you because she wants to be with YOU. Now relax and stop asking her, and us, silly questions.

[Brandye]

If you examine the history on this board on learning about a partner's past sexual exploits, it appears that knowledge does more harm than good. Beyond the ethical part of warning of STDs, the past is past and is not relevant to current relationships. Beyond a certain age, sex is usually assumed (not always accurately). That is all you need to know and anything else is more likely to create questions than answers.

No way I would go through my sexual history with anyone!

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Brandye

No way I would go through my sexual history with anyone!

There comes a point in life as well, where you cannot recall all the tidbits any longer; therefore, "information sharing" is not on the table.

If people now would learn to practice not sharing; the world would be a much easier place. The only person that may need to know your sexual history is your MD...

[amy_loves_stew]

I disagree, i think you should confront her.
Because if you are going to be in a serious relationship with this woman then theres no point getting serious with someone who can't be truthful to you.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by amy_loves_stew

I disagree, i think you should confront her.
Because if you are going to be in a serious relationship with this woman then theres no point getting serious with someone who can't be truthful to you.

What's the point? So in the future when a piece of sex info leaks out, there is a basis for an argument? I would believe there are other points of honesty to judge a person on to determine their degrees of truthfulness as a human. If not, then they clearly do not know the other very well & should not be involved.

After long enough, there is no standing "sex history" to discuss other then "yes, I have had sex before & have no diseases"...the rest comes through, what you enjoy together & you wish to do in the future together.

So your back with a new Amy & Stew mix?? All is well I hope!

[cjb1981]

You shouldn't have asked in the first place. As many have said, it was none of your business. That being said, you did ask her, and she chose to answer you with a lie. I don't like being lied to, for me it's a deal breaker. I think she's lying about the fact that she was forced to have sex with her friend. Why the hell would she stay friends with a guy who raped her? It makes no sense.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay - of course she lied!!! Experience has taught women that if she's honest about that question the most likely response of the male is "Ewwwwww I don't wanna be with that SLUT!" and she won't see him for the dust of his blasting out of her door and her life, after his one-night-stand.

BETTER TO NOT ASK.

"ASK ME NO QUESTIONS AND I'LL TELL YOU NO LIES."

Or haven't you heard that expression?

cjb - you're also not female. That is why you do not understand.

[sera300]

Exactly! Evil is dead on...women have done what we have wished and still held back, why ask us [women] how many? Does a man really want to hear a few hundred? Come on! Don't ask & don't tell. Next will be the request for a portfolio...well versed in A, B, C not in D, E, F". Why? the next question out of ones insecure mind is; "well, was X better than I"? There is only a need to share; "I have no clue what I am doing", "I may/or do have have a contagious disease", "Where is your condom?" Followed by "Likes/dislikes".