i dunno what to do.... help

[farmgurl21]

hey everyone... well my bf and i will been going out for a month saturday.. btu tonight bf gotta phone call from his best friend and his friends gf killed herself.. so bf left.. a while ago.. and i am worried about him... i told him to call me if he needs me and i'll be there.. what else can i do? im worried about my baby

[dancingdoc2]

Be there to support him should he need it. If he did not over react before leaving to be with his friend, then he should be all right. While guys do break down and cry occasionally (contrary to popular belief) we do a better job of separating emotions so I would not be overly concerned.

In this case think of him as a man, not a "baby". He'll call if he needs support.
He will call if he wants to bring you up to date. If he does not call, do not go off on him because you believe you were slighted.

[lnt1103]

I would agree. He knows you're ready, willing and able if he needs to lean on you. That's the most you can do. My sense is, if he didn't react in a major way, his reason for going was more to do for his buddy what you're doing for him.

Be aware that it might be a shock to your bf to see his buddy in whatever emotional state he may be in.

Just be there. That's the most important thing. Take your lead from him. Give him what he needs from you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Give him a hug later and let him talk if he wants but that's about all you can, and should, do.

Why on earth are you worried about him???? Death happens. Does he have a problem dealing with that??
I do not understand why you are so concerned esp since you've only been dating him for one month.
You had better watch your tendency to cling and mother a man, farmgurl.

BTW gurl is used by transgenders/transvestites to denote themselves and differentiate themselves from girls but hey - its your handle.

[lnt1103]

I don't know the age of the OP, but from the avatar and the speech pattern I'm going to guess this death was fairly early in life. And suicide is always traumatic for those they leave behind. As someone who suddenly lost my 20yo brother when in my early teens, and then had a friend whose brother committed suicide 4 months later, I can see the concern.

FG, I know it feels like it isn't enough. "Just be there" is a hard concept for some because it doesn't feel like taking any action-it doesn't feel like it actively gets anything done. But it helps more than you can know. Let your bf talk when he needs/wants to, but don't push for it. Everyone handles these things differently. He'll need you to be there when he needs you, but he'll also need to come to things in his own time.

One other possibility....over the next period of time, he may begin spending more and more time with the buddy, in an effort to be there for him. You've got to be cool with that if it happens. One of the things your bf will need, is to feel like he's doing something for the buddy....just like you're feeling a need to do something for your bf.