What do I say to make him go with me

[revlon19]

Me and this guy have had a few close encounters. A few problems with it. I hate myself for this and please don't bash me for this. I know what is going on is wrong yet, I cannot stop myself. I do not need this. We are both in long distance relationships right now. We both want to stay with our significant others. Which is why he is kind of backing off, I think. Problem is, I would like to keep whatever we have going and mess around/ hang out from time to time. KNOWING that our other relationships come first. I was at his place the other night, and he was really drunk. I drank, but was not quite as drunk as him. We cuddled and messed around a little. Mostly teasing each other. ANYWAY, The next morning after I left he called me and confessed that he didn't even remember what happened. He said more than a few things that would completely embarrass himself, whether he remembers or not, I don't know. 5 days have gone by and I saw him today and he didn't exactly go out of his way to make eye contact, actually it would be the opposite. I thought MAYBE this is because he remembers the things he said and is embrassed or is it because he just doesn't want to do it again? I KNOW it is wrong. but I want him. Is there a way that I can explain to him what I want from him that he might be up for it, knowing that he doesn't have to jepordize his relationship with his girlfriend, that I only want someone here to watch movies with/ mess around when we are here, away from the others, and we wouldn't grow attached. Wouldn't a guy want that? Or will he not respect me for it and turn me down? Help.

[bWg]

Go for it. I had something pretty much exactly like that goin' for a long time and it was great. Just to have someone to hang out with and cuddle and whatnot. He'll be down for it.

[dancingdoc2]

If you are going to cuddle and snuggle, better let each of your significant others in on this. If you two are exclusive with others then this is not a great plan nor is it particularly grown up.

If you know it is wrong, then why tell us and continue to lust after this person? A mature person would not behave this way, even if s/he secretly lusts after and desires another. There is a difference between thinking and doing.

[revlon19]

Let the significant others know so that it can hurt them?

The first time this happened between me and this guy I let my boyfriend know. We didn't break up, all it did was hurt him. We don't want to break up. We are perfect WHEN we are together. However its long-distance.

I would like to note that I am only 19 years old. So perhaps I am not the most mature. I have been with my boyfriend for a lot of years though and would like to be with him eventually forever. From messing around with this other guy what I have so far, I see that there is quite a bit I am missing out on. I havn't experienced someone who is so... experienced. Now that I've felt that rush of emotions... I feel like I am cutting myself short if I deny myself that pleasure again. What if I never feel that pleasure EVER again?

.. at the same time, what if I lose out on the love of my life for that pleasure? I don't quite know what to do.

[dancingdoc2]

Let your S/O know so you can hurt them? NO, of course not. The comment was to make a point and get you to think about this objectively. We all have friends. I have a best male friend and a best female friend, in addition to my other half. She knows that we talk, go for lunch once every couple of months. If there is a dinner party or other event the two of us meet with the two of them.

If you want to have a relationship with this other person in which you hug and kiss and snuggle and whatever else comes to mind, then you need to dial back your l/d relationship. If you believe that you are missing out on a lot of things by being exclusive, and I agree that you are, then you should not be in any exclusive situation. Date lots of others and learn what humanity has to offer in the way of personalities, characters, likes, dislikes, morals and religious values, quirks, etc. By doing this you will be better able to recognize when Mr. Right comes along. This is the purpose of dating; it does not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us.

When you are in your mid twenties and teen years, you continue to grow and mature and someone who piqued your interest at 16 is not necessarily who will will choose at 18, 20 or older.

I understand the need to belong, to be desired, and to do things with others, and you should in order to expand your horizons and become more well rounded as a person. So, while you may have been with a person for a long long time, my guess is that it is these couples who find themselves divorcing ten or twenty years later, if that long. You can have and enjoy the cuddling, snuggling, kissing, desirability, fun and games, with several others and have a rich and varied life while you seek out a person suitable to settle down with. You have more opportunities to date and more varieties of activities to do on a date. You shouldn't be lonely.





, we do it together with her.

[sera300]

And if only 19, acting this way w/ alcohol is not the brightest move either. Especially when one cannot recall.

[revlon19]

I can recall. He can't. I am from Canada. Its legal. An alcohol lecture is not what this thread is for.

[dancingdoc2]

> please don't bash me for this.
> An alcohol lecture is not what this thread is for.

I believe this thread has reached its end. Every once in a while we hear from a person who writes in requesting help for a problem and gives no details and no additional information or clarification when requested. It is quite common and frustrating. How does anybody interested in assisting find the source of the problem?

You have written requesting ideas and assistance, have provided details, and then proceed to tell us what is or is not acceptable to offer in return. This reminds me of typical child responses to parents: "I won't listen to that." The grown up version of this response is: "Don't confuse me with the facts." You have a world wide audience and a world wide wealth of knowledge and experiences some or all of which may prove to be of merit. Unless you allow all points of view to be shared, you may miss a bit of knowledge, insight, or an idea, that might prove to be crucial to your situation. Maintaining a closed minded stance will not move the situation forward.

What you have essentially told us is that you do not know what you do not know.

The matter is not whether alcohol is legal here, there, or elsewhere; or, that it is legal to imbibe at a younger age there than here, it is about the fact that including the substance into a relationship at any age anywhere greatly complicates matters unnecessarily. You seem to be focusing your discontent on this part of the discussion and overlooking the overall outpouring of ideas to the main issue.

I'm done with this post and I'm done with this thread.

[raez]

First of all, if you are only 19, and its a long distance, and OBVIOUSLY you don't want JUST him..why the hell are you in an exclusive relationship? Look, now is the time when you should be free to date whoever you like, and as EvilEvilKitten will tell you if she jumps in on this thread, YOU SHOULD BE DATING MULTIPLE PEOPLE. So no, you don't HAVE to stop seeing your current boyfriend, just be more casual about it..as you said, its long distance so take advantage of the time you have WHEN you have it, but in the meantime do not neglect yourselves of the opportunity to learn about other people and find out what else is out there, before commiting yourselves to eachother. Its a matter of finding out who you are, and finding out who is best for you. There is no reason at this point in your life to be in an exclusive relationship, particularly wiht someone who lives far away and you being so easily tempted by someone else.

Now because you've already entered into this exclusive relationship with your current bf, changing the nature of that won't be easy, and he probably won't be ok with suddenly just saying "hey lets see other people, but still see eachother when we can" But you never know, he might be down with it, because instead of just you fooling around wiht other guys behind his back, he is free seek out other girls as well. Being a guy who doesn't live close to his girlfriend..I would think he would go for it unless he has some immature idea that at 19 he knows that the two of you are perfect for eachother..in which case why don't you just get married. If neither of you are ready for that step, then there is no reason why you shouldn't take the time to get to know other people.

Sit down with your bf, tell him the situation, say that you would like to continue seeing him but for each of you to be free to explore other options as they arise. This is the mature way to handle this. He may or may not be ok with this, but at the very least he will know that you aren't exactly Miss "you're my one and only" because honey, at some point you will end up actually cheating on him, especially if you continue on drinking alone with other dudes. Better to just open up the relationship, so you can be free to do as you like without the guilt, he can know what to expect, and theres no need for sneaking around behind his back.. meanwhile you better be able to handle him also seeing other people.

Oh and this other guy, TOTALLY remembers what happened and is using the being drunk as a way to get out of it and save himself the embarassment. Fair enough...but he remembers, and so do you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You, Revlon19, are an idiot!!! You're welcome.

Now then, to be fair, you tell your long distance boyfriend that much as you like him, his absence is NOT making your heart fonder and you require someone closer to home. If he wishes to continue, fine. If not, well, that is fine too. 19 year olds have no business being in an exclusive relationship - EVER. It is nice that you wish to be kind but you're not his momma and he's not a child. Do him the honor of being straight-forward and treat him as a man. It is comforting to have him there but now that tie is beginning to bind. Of course it is! You're not the same person you were when you began with your boyfriend. The transition into adulthood changes many things and most school days sweethearts do not last to the point where no one with a working brain expects them to last.

Sport date and play the field. Complete your education and begin your career. Focus on building your life. Leave your childhood behind and get on with life. Make sure you're using BCPs & condoms each and every time with every guy you CHOOSE to enjoy.

Which brings me to my main point - STOP DRINKING. No more getting drunk. There is to be none of this "it just happened" nonsense. OWN your sexuality and OWN your life. You're not a child anymore and if you want to be taken seriously as an adult then you have got to behave as an adult WHO TAKES HERSELF SERIOUSLY.