Is it a Joke

[Mr. Saint]

So I am kind of dating this girl. We had a first kiss and had a couple other dates. Over time the relationship kind of fizzled, we get along better as friend the as a couple. I guess we are still dating, I don’t know. Anyways, I was talking to this friend online. She (my friend) started by posting on my wall on Facebook, that she really needed to tell me something. Then when I IM her, she just said that she wanted to tell me "I’m good company and loves talking to me". So I start telling her about my “relationship” and she tells me about this party last night, and this boy that was really hot and she did not want to hook up with for some reason. I say I’m moving on, she asks who, and as a joke I say her. So we keep talking and I ask her out as a joke, sort of. Then she says yes and asks where. I give a place and she says next weekend. Know I don’t know if she is joking or not, and I don’t know if she thinks I was joking. What should I do?

[EvilEvilKitten]

You should stop JOKING and start taking yourself and your relationships seriously. Because if you don't, no one else will. This is why your relationship fizzled out in the first place. Learn to never say something you do not mean. If you play games then so will she and you'll be back here asking questions...again. So are you a man who values his time, his relationships, and his friends or are you just some kid pretending to be grown up?

[raez]

She is serious and thinks you are too. You need to not jerk her around. If you are actually interested in dating her (I remind you that dating implies seeing casually) then man up and do it, don't "sort of" date her. If you don't actually have any interest in dating her and are just playing around with the concept out of curiosity, DON'T. End of. And for future reference, don't make jokes to girls, particularly younger ones, about being interested in them if you aren't sure whether you are or not. A) it is hard for her to tell if you are joking or not and ends up feeling like you are just playing head games with her B) a real woman won't tolerate being jerked around, one joke will be your last. Better to say what you really mean, be honest and clear.

[Mr. Saint]

Just a couple of details to be cleared up, although I do think you are all right:

She is quite a bit older then I am.
When we first meet I asked her out and she turned me down. That was almost 3 months ago.
I would love to date her. She is a good friend and one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.
The reason I was joking around is because we joke flirt a lot together. This is the same girl that I did the dirty drama scene with if anyone remembers. I am not the kind of person that intentionally leads some one on, not to say I have not screwed up and did it on accident.
The reason that I think my relationship fizzled was because there was no sexual attraction between us. We have lots of fun discussing politics and philosophy and get along great as friends still.
The whole thing would have been our normal flirting if it was in person and there were inflections in my voice. but in IM there is a certain lack of clarity.

[sera300]

Better pick a place and be there. Don't open doors you don't want to see inside of!

[smallestoftheclan]

If you asked her out and she said yes then you have a date for next weekend.
You could send her an email, or give her a call, or talk to her if you still have this class together and confirm.
"So are we still on for (fill in the plan here) next weekend?
Do you have an actual day and time to meet actually set? This would be a good reason for the confirmation. Plus is she expecting you to pick her up or is she going to pick you up?
You have to remember what is very clear as joking around in person, where you can see the body language and facial expressions, is just that unclear when you are communicating via email, im or texting.

[Mr. Saint]

Thanks a lot; I guess it was not that tricky after all. I will do exactly what you said Small, wired I know. She just said next weekend so asking for a specific time would be good. The only small problem is that I have the same class with both the girls, but I don’t think it will be that big of a deal.

[smallestoftheclan]

Saint, it actually was that tricky after all. Suppose you just took it all as a joke didn't get some advice to take and just didn't show up next weekend. I would be one pissed off female.
And you do love going after more than one girl in a class don't you? Or are these the same two girls as before? Is one of them the 14 year old?
I suggest you make it clear to both of them what your intentions are. If you no longer want to date the one you were dating, you need to tell her. And you need to tell this new girl that you had dated this other girl.
You need to remember this is not high school, and sorry but it is high school games you are playing. You are going to get a reputation as being an idiot, as in a guy nobody wants to date or get in a relationship with because of these errors you are making.

[Mr. Saint]

Well I guess I deserve that and you are right. Anyways, neither of these girls are the 14 year old just to let you know. I have decided not to try and date people in my department. There are very few girls anyways, engineering you know. So I took a drama class and meet these two girls. My friend that I was talking about kind of help set me up with the girl I am dating (same two girls as I have been talking about). I also helped this friend with this guy she thought was hot. Her relationship fell apart because the guy turned out to be an idiot, and I guess the same thing happened to me but for a different reason. Just a little back story so you know where this is coming from.

[Ephemera]

Here's a plan:

Blow off the date... if she calls you and asks you where the f*ck you were, say that you didn't know you guys were being serious.

After she vents a little, laugh it off, and say that you'll make it up to her.

THEN you go out and have a fun time.